Watty's Awakening

debtfreeoneday

Sorry to hear about VNMs Mum. 

Suffolk_lass

Sorry to hear of her passing. I found that having a photo of my Dad in his prime in a prominent place, helped me enormously, to get back to the positive memories of a lovely man, and a life well-lived. The last month was awful and I had to park that.

Watty1

Suffolk_lass said:

Sorry to hear of her passing. I found that having a photo of my Dad in his prime in a prominent place, helped me enormously, to get back to the positive memories of a lovely man, and a life well-lived. The last month was awful and I had to park that.

That is a lovely idea.  Her house is full of photos of happier times, every inch of wall space is covered with photos and memories, every surface has photos of him and his sister growing up, of holidays, of family weddings (hers and his) of children and well to be honest the house has always made me feel overwhelmed when she was alive.  A life well lived shines out from every wall and surface, every cupboard is full. 

Yesterday he could only cope with the house for a few hours.  

Watty1

ajmoney said:

Watty1 said:

Made me more than ever adamant to continue with my clearing.  I never want anyone to feel like I did today when I am gone and I suspect her house will remain like that for a very long time to come.

My mum and dad said that after they cleared my paternal grandmother's house. I think they potentially want our help with it while they are living (that is not meant to sound horrible) so I should see if there is a time my sister and I can find to both go and visit. I think I remember my mum saying something along thouse lines though.

My mum is a hoarder and my dad isn't so it could be an interesting sort out if it happens but my mum did mention about having recently donated some stuff to charity. Maybe they are doing better at ditching stuff than me...

I hope you are doing ok Watty. It sounds like it could be really overwhelming when it comes to sorting the house out.

Maybe offer to help sooner rather than later.  One thing i do regret is not asking my grandmother to go through her photos with me.  I now have a box of her photos that I don't really know who is who and I never will.  I wish I had asked her to help me put them in a book and label them.   One day, not today, I will think over what to do with them. For now the box remains just as it is.

Watty1

Thanks for the reminder to check every single place.  I will, at the right time, do that.  Yesterday I was going to offer to look for some of her jewellery as I know she wants that to go to the VNM's granddaughter and I wondered if there was a piece she might like to wear to the funeral but he was too overwhelmed for me to even suggest that.

The hiding places you have come up with are astounding, but reminded me one of my great aunts had rolls of notes sewn into the curtain hems that were only found by chance!   I suspect that great aunt had a lot more that was hidden and never declared and probably a lot that was only found much later by those who took items.

Watty1

Humdinger1 said:

@Watty1 just sending hugs.  You are making a brilliant job of this, as ever.  We are all building you a podium to stand on - top human.  Love Humdinger xx 

Not sure about that, but as ever thank you for your support, your cheer leading and love.

Watty1

daisy_1571 said:

do you have to take the pile of wills in date order to a solicitor and let them decide which one stands?

Agree re checking everything  - nothing should leave the house without checking.  People stuff things in pockets, things drop down the sides of couch seats, they use things as bookmarks.  Remember to check the tiny zipped pockets in the linings of handbags (we found a gold necklace in one in a house we were clearing), inside pockets in jackets sometimes there's a second zipped pocket.  A family member did the money taped under and behind drawers, sewn inside curtain hems, wrapped inside ornaments, tucked under the edges of carpets etc etc.  Nightmare house to clear.  The immediate family had to limit who was allowed in as they were finding notes everywhere lol.

Dxxx

Ps can I come help clear the house with you watty please?  I'm also itching to grab a black bag lol

If you were nearer I'd have you over in a heart beat.    

I think the VNM and  his mothers friend have decided that the last will is the one she means everyone to go by and that they are going to use.   I'm not entirely sure of its validity because by then she had dementia and can evidence that really clearly by some other paperwork but again not my issue. If the pair of them wish to tie themselves up with sorting out a trust for his sister that is so complicated the only winner is the lawyer so be it.  

Currently this morning there is a lot of distress around not having found the funeral instructions.  

On a personal level I am realising how very important it is to have everything totally tidy and in order  I did a great job on clutter last year and will continue this.

debtfreewannabe321

I hope those funeral instructions are found asap. Then the stress may be alleviated a little. I'm taking note of all these hiding places people have found things - some are ingenious!
My mother is a hoarder. She hasn't spoken to me in a few years but I can bet my life when the time comes my two sisters will expect me to be there to empty out her flat - after they've taken what they want no doubt. It's overwhelming visiting these places never mind having to sort, clear them out and have it totally emptied. Sending hugs...I know easier said than done but I'd try to emotionally detach from it all for your sake.

redofromstart

I keep finding little 'presents' from Mr Redo which always cheers me up. 

Sometimes all you can do is tea and sympathy. 

maggiem

Sorry to read about the passing of VNM’s Mum. Think it’s hard to make decisions when distressed. He’s lucky to have you being carefully and appropriately supportive. I found clearing Mum's house very hard, and was lucky to have my sister there too. Take care of yourself too, it’s very tiring supporting someone grieving.