Breakdown of relationship, house and rental nightmare

Sea_Shell

I didn't mean to make them "uncomfortable" in that sense.  At risk or vulnerable.

I meant that they are, at the end of the day, an unwelcome guest, so why make them welcome.

OP should be able to live in their house as they please...not have to "pander" to their ex.


If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is!! 😉

diystarter7

Sea_Shell said:

I didn't mean to make them "uncomfortable" in that sense.  At risk or vulnerable.

I meant that they are, at the end of the day, an unwelcome guest, so why make them welcome.

OP should be able to live in their house as they please...not have to "pander" to their ex.


If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is!! 😉

Hi

Sorry, but what you are saying now is not relating to what you said earlier and I quote

"I agree.   If it were me,  I'd make it as "uncomfortable" for her as possible, without doing anything that could constitute harassment. " 

Your comments only read as my previous post. 

Would you agree that in hindsight that what you said was either a mistake or a typo?

Agreed the OP should not "pander" but what you said earlier if very different to what you are saying now and which I agree with but not what you said before.

Thank you for trying to explain what you said earlier and I hope the OP's situation is sorted as soo as.

Thanks

Murphybear

mi-key said:

Murphybear said:

Can’t she approach the council for help?  If she has not made herself deliberately homeless which would apply here and has dependent children then she would be classed as having a priority need (according to Shelter).  I do understand that most councils don’t have properties available but they will put her in a B & B or something until they can offer her a home or she can find a rental.  At least she won’t be on the streets and you have been more than generous already.  

She has had £17,000 given to her - she can easily afford to rent somewhere. The council wouldn't house someone in that situation anyway, and she would be cheeky to expect them to ! She is using the not being able to find somewhere for the standard of living she had before as an excuse to mess the OP about. 

Just an idea.  The problem is if she doesn’t have a job and good references she might struggle a bit to get a private rental.  

mi-key

Murphybear said:

mi-key said:

Murphybear said:

Can’t she approach the council for help?  If she has not made herself deliberately homeless which would apply here and has dependent children then she would be classed as having a priority need (according to Shelter).  I do understand that most councils don’t have properties available but they will put her in a B & B or something until they can offer her a home or she can find a rental.  At least she won’t be on the streets and you have been more than generous already.  

She has had £17,000 given to her - she can easily afford to rent somewhere. The council wouldn't house someone in that situation anyway, and she would be cheeky to expect them to ! She is using the not being able to find somewhere for the standard of living she had before as an excuse to mess the OP about. 

Just an idea.  The problem is if she doesn’t have a job and good references she might struggle a bit to get a private rental.  

£17K can go a long way towards persuading a private landlord to rent to you ... I think her problem is she expects to live in a house and area equivalent to the one she is leaving, even though the OP was the one funding that lifestyle.

In any case, Shelter and the council won't consider housing people who have that sort of cash at hand, not when there are people in genuine need out there. 

youth_leader

I am sorry you are in this situation. 

I rented privately through a lettings agency and had to prove I had the annual income to meet 30 x rent payments.  My house sale funds could not be included in my application.  

skemp1

Sea_Shell said:

Am I right in that you're saying you leave her in the house and stay elsewhere when you don't have your kids?

What if she changes the locks on you?

Well, if she did that she would get kicked out immediately as the house is mine. As it is she has until the 28th.

skemp1

Just to set something straight.

I have not moved out per-se. I have been there the last 2 nights as I have had my kids. 

When I don't have my kids, I am staying away mostly, but not all the time, it is my choice when and what time I go there. 

I also have a friend that is checking on the place when I am not there. 

She has gone for 3 rental places now but all of them have not chosen her and gone for someone else. She is looking in an area where the rents are £1150+ PCM. less than 10 minutes away she can get a 3 bedroomed house for £850 PCM, but she "doesn't like the area".

This is what has !!!!!! me off the most. 

She applied for a property last week and then when I got home she said she's now not sure she wants it as it is a little too expensive (£1250 PCM) it is FAR too expensive! I keep telling her.

Then she said if she fails the credit check she will be living with me for "months". This forced my hand with the letter and "official" move out date. Mentally I simply couldn't carry on without having an end date.

I gave her the letter Sunday evening and she went apeshit in front of her and my kids and then she blamed me for the entire thing for doing it at the wrong time. She could of just gone upstairs with me calmly and then had a discussion.

Thing is, I'd already texted her the 28th of February date and confirmed it verbally on the Thursday morning before the Sunday. She didn't take ANY notice of it because before I gave her the letter on Sunday she was going on about not going for the expensive place and having to stay for months if she fails the credit check.

It's like she's provoking me and then when react or I do something I'm the bad guy and she tells everyone (her family included)

It's driving me nuts and has made me get help from the Dr's. I'm on Antidepressants now and am seeing a shrink as I had a nervous breakdown about all of this on New Years Day. 

Despite all this is I still feel like I have a duty of care towards her children, especially the 8 year old. And this is why I've given her the money and 2 months to find somewhere. 

I got repeatedly accused of being a Narcicistt on Sunday night by my Ex and after by my neighbour on facebook. The same neighbour that just after the row said that she was keen to maintain a relationship after all of this. A friend of mine (who knows me) screen shot it and sent it to me. It's hell at the moment. 

dannya1978

skemp1 said:

Just to set something straight.

I have not moved out per-se. I have been there the last 2 nights as I have had my kids. 

When I don't have my kids, I am staying away mostly, but not all the time, it is my choice when and what time I go there. 

I also have a friend that is checking on the place when I am not there. 

She has gone for 3 rental places now but all of them have not chosen her and gone for someone else. She is looking in an area where the rents are £1150+ PCM. less than 10 minutes away she can get a 3 bedroomed house for £850 PCM, but she "doesn't like the area".

This is what has !!!!!! me off the most. 

She applied for a property last week and then when I got home she said she's now not sure she wants it as it is a little too expensive (£1250 PCM) it is FAR too expensive! I keep telling her.

Then she said if she fails the credit check she will be living with me for "months". This forced my hand with the letter and "official" move out date. Mentally I simply couldn't carry on without having an end date.

I gave her the letter Sunday evening and she went apeshit in front of her and my kids and then she blamed me for the entire thing for doing it at the wrong time. She could of just gone upstairs with me calmly and then had a discussion.

Thing is, I'd already texted her the 28th of February date and confirmed it verbally on the Thursday morning before the Sunday. She didn't take ANY notice of it because before I gave her the letter on Sunday she was going on about not going for the expensive place and having to stay for months if she fails the credit check.

It's like she's provoking me and then when react or I do something I'm the bad guy and she tells everyone (her family included)

It's driving me nuts and has made me get help from the Dr's. I'm on Antidepressants now and am seeing a shrink as I had a nervous breakdown about all of this on New Years Day. 

Despite all this is I still feel like I have a duty of care towards her children, especially the 8 year old. And this is why I've given her the money and 2 months to find somewhere. 

I got repeatedly accused of being a Narcicistt on Sunday night by my Ex and after by my neighbour on facebook. The same neighbour that just after the row said that she was keen to maintain a relationship after all of this. A friend of mine (who knows me) screen shot it and sent it to me. It's hell at the moment. 

You need to keep calm, ignore all the bluster from her, stick to your deadline, don't rise to any bait...that is exactly what she wants you to do to enable the argument to turn in her favour (in her eyes). Only a month to go and it will be over and you can move on. I wish you well.

skemp1

You need to keep calm, ignore all the bluster from her, stick to your deadline, don't rise to any bait...that is exactly what she wants you to do to enable the argument to turn in her favour (in her eyes). Only a month to go and it will be over and you can move on. I wish you well.

Thanks, this is why I am trying to stay out the way as much as possible. 

I think, if I'm honest she won't be able to get anywhere and it's going to end up with the police evicting her.

She really does need to get real and look at properties that she has a chance of getting. 

m0bov

katkatmachine said:

I don’t think changing the locks and just kicking her out would solve this. Since you allowed her to stay in your house for a long period she’s now a tenant so you need to serve her notice that she needs to move out, probably just what RAS wrote in his comment above. If her kids are also underage and she still doesn’t want to leave this might be a problem. So yeah, maybe you need to speak to a lawyer. 

She is a lodger, no rent is paid and no tenancy signed. No sublet.