Breakdown of relationship, house and rental nightmare

skemp1

Hello,

Not sure if this is the right place for this, but here goes.

I have been living with my girlfriend for 3 years. Recently the relationship broke down and we have decided to go our separate ways, which has led to a bit of a problem.

I own the house and she just moved in with me 3 years ago with her 2 kids. I have been paying the mortgage the entire time and all the bills, she has helped with clothing and food etc....

Now the relationship has broken down we have sold a car (which I own) for £17k and I've given her the money so she can rent somewhere and furnish it. All seems OK.

She is having trouble finding a place and in my eyes is being a little unrealistic with what she is looking for, saying one of the bedrooms is a bit small and things like that.

The thing is that, whilst we still get on as friends this isn't a situation that I can live with for months, it simply HAS to be resolved sooner, rather than later. Today she started talking about staying longer to "save money" so she can furnish the place. I instantly said "no way" and told her that I expect her to move on ASAP. This has caused a bit of friction at and already hard time. 

I also have my 2 kids 12 and 14 to think about that stay with me almost half the time. 

I suppose the question is, what are my rights? What are her rights? What can I do about this? 

Thanks

_Penny_Dreadful

Give her a week and then change the locks.  That ought to sharpen her mind and stop her dithering about.

marcia_

 She has no rights, she was a guest who is no longer welcome. Change the locks 

RAS

Your GF has unrealistic expectations because she had a very good deal whilst your relationship worked. Does she work?

It's going to be hard. Be prepared to record further conversations and avoid any physical contact. Also bear in mind that legally shouting at someone can be considered assault. 

You've not mentioned the ages of her kids, the genders or the current sleeping arrangements. (And you've not mentioned if your kids visit over weekends and if there are issues with the relationship between her/her children and your children)? But I'd start with:

She moves out of the main bedroom today, if she's not already done so. Your kids get a room each when they stay, unless they are the same gender.

If that means that GF's kids sleep together and she's on a camp bed downstairs, or they all three bunk up, that's fine. And they move all their belongings out of the rooms in which they are not sleeping.

And write to her, keeping a copy, something along the lines of,


Dear "Mary,"

When we broke up I was happy to facilitate your onward move by selling the car and giving you £17k to set up with your children, despite there being no legal requirement for me to support your move.

Based on our conversation, it appears that you have misinterpreted my kindness, and are expecting to the same standard of living as a single parent as was possible sharing the house. 

I expected you to act promptly, not to further delay your move when accommodation was available.

The current situation is not tenable. You need to move out by (2 weeks). Even if you need to arrange temporary accommodation with members of your family whilst you find a longer term solution.

X

It may be worth talking ahead of time to your lawyer. And putting locks on your own doors.

Develop the broken record technique "That is not the issue. I gave you £17k so that you could find alternative accommodation. I am not responsible for housing you or your kids. You need to leave by..."

katkatmachine

I don’t think changing the locks and just kicking her out would solve this. Since you allowed her to stay in your house for a long period she’s now a tenant so you need to serve her notice that she needs to move out, probably just what RAS wrote in his comment above. If her kids are also underage and she still doesn’t want to leave this might be a problem. So yeah, maybe you need to speak to a lawyer. 

Exodi

katkatmachine said:

I don’t think changing the locks and just kicking her out would solve this. Since you allowed her to stay in your house for a long period she’s now a tenant so you need to serve her notice that she needs to move out, probably just what RAS wrote in his comment above. If her kids are also underage and she still doesn’t want to leave this might be a problem. So yeah, maybe you need to speak to a lawyer. 

Absolutely do not serve her notice or confuse the issue by referring to her as a tenant.

She is not a tenant, holds no tenancy agreement (neither signed nor implied) and has never made rent contributions.

Following this (frankly quite dangerous) advice could lead her to believe she holds rights that she does not and exasperate the issue.

Personally I would not be wasting my time and money consulting a lawyer over an ex in a black and white situation like this. I'm not even completely clear why the OP sold a £17k car they owned and gave her the money (not that it's any of my business).

Give her a reasonable amount of time to move out, if she isn't too bothered about moving, change the locks while she's out.

If you're feeling particularly guilty, suggest she uses some of that £17k (which is a years worth of rent in most places) to pay for a hotel while she looks.

marcia_

katkatmachine said:

I don’t think changing the locks and just kicking her out would solve this. Since you allowed her to stay in your house for a long period she’s now a tenant so you need to serve her notice that she needs to move out, probably just what RAS wrote in his comment above. If her kids are also underage and she still doesn’t want to leave this might be a problem. So yeah, maybe you need to speak to a lawyer. 

 She is not a tenant in any way. At a stretch she is a lodger as the OP lives in the house.

_Penny_Dreadful

katkatmachine said:

I don’t think changing the locks and just kicking her out would solve this. Since you allowed her to stay in your house for a long period she’s now a tenant so you need to serve her notice that she needs to move out, probably just what RAS wrote in his comment above. If her kids are also underage and she still doesn’t want to leave this might be a problem. So yeah, maybe you need to speak to a lawyer. 

As you may have gathered, since I am the third person to say it, this is !!!!!!.  She is not a tenant in any way shape or form.  Her children and where they live are her concern.  No need for lawyers. 

Exodi

marcia_ said:

katkatmachine said:

I don’t think changing the locks and just kicking her out would solve this. Since you allowed her to stay in your house for a long period she’s now a tenant so you need to serve her notice that she needs to move out, probably just what RAS wrote in his comment above. If her kids are also underage and she still doesn’t want to leave this might be a problem. So yeah, maybe you need to speak to a lawyer. 

 She is not a tenant in any way. At a stretch she is a lodger as the OP lives in the house.

She is not a lodger either - for a contract, whether written or implied to exist, there should be consideration. She has never paid rent, or signed any agreement, there is no contract.

She should be treated no different to having a friend stay for a few nights because they have tradesman in (and maybe they get takeaway as thanks), or letting DFS in to put the sofa in the living room.

skemp1

Just to answer a question.

The reason I am giving her the money to move on with is that when we met she did have a fully setup 3 bedroomed house and her kids were in school in that area.

She's moved 50 minutes away from there to me, her kids have moved schools and she sold/gave up most of her belongings.

I am trying to do the right thing by not just her, but her children by giving them a bit of time to find somewhere suitable. 

In the last week it has seemed that there is reluctance to do so and I am getting statements from her like she has some kind of choice about when she moves even if it takes months and months. 

This is why I asked about rights etc.....   

marcia_

 Simply she has no rights to stay put.
 You are the owner of your house and can ask her to leave at any point.