Breakdown of relationship, house and rental nightmare

Schwarzwald

skemp1 said:

I have been living with my girlfriend for 3 years. Recently the relationship broke down and we have decided to go our separate ways ….

I own the house and she just moved in with me 3 years ago with her 2 kids

Quite crucial information that is missing here is WHEN you two decided to break up and separate?

if this was over the recent holidays, then it is unreasonable of you to demand here to move within a matter of weeeks - in light of her situation with kids and the fact she moved / sold her property for the relationship.

if you already broke up in September/October it feels she is unreasonable to stay put at yours for multiple months.

Others need to advise on the legal situation, but seems relatively clear from various prior responses.

katkatmachine

Oh is she not tenant? Okay don’t follow my advice then, it’s wrong. Sorry guys. 

skemp1

Hello,

Yes we have broken up 2-3 weeks ago.

I am not wanting to make her homeless or be an !!!!!!, but I am expecting something to be sorted within say 2 months. I have told her this and it feels like she is almost dictating to me when she will leave.

No, she isn't a tenant. There has been no contract or contribution towards the mortgage or household bills.

She said to me the other day that she cannot afford to furnish the place and she may need to stay and save up to do so.

I said, no way. The rentals she is looking at are £1100 a month and she wants to pay 6 months rent upfront and has bought a cheaper car for £3k. This would still leave her £7k for the deposit and furnishings, which is more than enough. 

I am going to give her until the end of the first week in February (if nothing is sorted) and then set a date for her to move on. 

Exodi

skemp1 said:

Hello,

Yes we have broken up 2-3 weeks ago.

I am not wanting to make her homeless or be an !!!!!!, but I am expecting something to be sorted within say 2 months. I have told her this and it feels like she is almost dictating to me when she will leave.

No, she isn't a tenant. There has been no contract or contribution towards the mortgage or household bills.

She said to me the other day that she cannot afford to furnish the place and she may need to stay and save up to do so.

I said, no way. The rentals she is looking at are £1100 a month and she wants to pay 6 months rent upfront and has bought a cheaper car for £3k. This would still leave her £7k for the deposit and furnishings, which is more than enough. 

I am going to give her until the end of the first week in February (if nothing is sorted) and then set a date for her to move on. 

I understand and appreciate that the situation is delicate, and it's all to easy for us forumgoers to simply tell you to 'throw her out'.

But it seems you are being more than reasonable. As you say, if she's looking at rentals for £1100 a month and she wants to pay 6 months rent upfront (+deposit, which is usually about 1 months rent), then she stills has over £6k for furnishing the place. This is more than enough money (it's significantly more than I spent to furnish my last house purchase).

Perhaps she's realised that for every month she continues to live with you, she saves herself £1,100? Perhaps she still has feelings for you and is holding onto the hope that you can work it out?

You say you are "going to give her until the end of the first week in February (if nothing is sorted) and then set a date for her to move on.". Would it be better, instead of waiting 3 weeks to then formally tell her you're giving her time to move out - to just agree a date now? You need to show that you are serious or you'll end up finding yourself still living with her in six months time if she calls your bluff.

_Sam_

Just guessing here but could it be a good idea if you booked a hotel for them, say for two weeks? I know you've already given her plenty of money, but moving out is a big step which it looks like she is unwilling to face and in a sense, she is procrastinating.

So you can say to her, "you have one week to gather belongings and organise yourself and after that you are moving out to this hotel that is booked for you for two weeks". I would also book a van for them so that everything is in place for her to get out.

Once she is in the hotel, this could well help her focus and actually do something about finding a new home for herself and the kids.

robatwork

katkatmachine said:

Oh is she not tenant? Okay don’t follow my advice then, it’s wrong. Sorry guys. 

At least you fronted up to admitting that, and you learnt something so good on ya. 

She may be classed as a lodger but even then you've told her to leave so she is now in effect trespassing as her welcome has worn out. What you want to do about it is up to you, but it's really a civil not a police matter. You should give her a fair deadline, and then pack her bags, move her stuff (storage would be the decent thing but otherwise into the garage) then lock her out/change locks. You have the right to make her leave (ie. reasonable force to get her out the door) but hopefully it wouldn't come to that.

skemp1

Ok,

Had words this morning with my Ex.

She is looking at a place today and already started saying that her friend (who lives near there) has said that there are some neighbors around there that are loud and hard to live around etc....... and that she doesn't think she will go for it. 

I shook my head and then we had a mini-row about the situation, with her saying stuff like "it's ok for you earning what you earn" and all that. 

Made me a bit angry TBH. I've helped her out no-end in the 3 years we have been together. In all sorts of ways, including with money and cars. 

I basically said that she is going to have to broaden her horizon because I need to move on as well and so do my kids. 

I then gave her a deadline of the end of February to move out. This went down like a fart in a lift, as you can imagine, but it really feels like there is no urgency at all and she thinks that she is "entitled" to stay.

I did get some advice from my company solicitor about it so I can say things with certainty, instead of guessing. 

Said I could actually change the locks tomorrow and there wouldn't be an issue. 

Sea_Shell

Well she has her deadline now.   Keep repeating it.  

You just need to actually enforce it, if the time comes.

If you don't, she'll know she can carry on ignoring your threats.

You have to be prepared to follow through.  Even if the weather is rubbish, or she's ill etc etc.   

skemp1

Yeah,

I will be getting the locks changed on the 1st of March. 

I obviously don't want it to get to that, but I will if I have to. 

propertyrental

skemp1 said:

Yeah,

I will be getting the locks changed on the 1st of March. 

I obviously don't want it to get to that, but I will if I have to. 

Not really the issue, but just to point out you don't need to 'get the locks changed'. It' a simple DIY job with a screwdriver.

Of course you need to buy a suitable similar replacement. If like many houses you have 2 locks, a 'yale type' latch and a mortice, then take one off, take it to a locksmith/DIY store, and buy a matching one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=him_snT0zKk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIPyqtOmprE