Money Moral Dilemma: Our neighbour is selling clothes we've given them - should we say something? 4 October 2022 at 3:18PM edited 4 October 2022 at 3:32PM in Ebay, auctions, car boot sales, post & parcels 79 replies 52.8K views

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner and I gave our neighbour some clothes that no longer fit us, as well as some expensive designer underwear that had never been worn. To our horror, they're now advertising what we've given them for sale online. Should we say something about them taking advantage of our generosity and risk a good friendship, or keep quiet? 

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michelle09

I'd be unimpressed but if they put them online then chances are they see nothing wrong with it (morally, obviously they can legally do it).

I'd certainly not give them anything else but it depends how much you want to let it impact the relationship.

km1500

say what to them - it is their property to do with as they wish.

NBLondon

Should we say something about them taking advantage of our generosity and risk a good friendship, or keep quiet?

What good friendship? If they were friends, wouldn't they have suggested selling before you gave them the stuff? Offered to sell it for you? Offered to split the proceeds?

Options:

1) Say nothing, but don't give them free stuff in future
2) Say something and guilt them into handing over some of the proceeds
3) Set up a fake e-mail address, offer to buy the goods, then make repeated excuses about not being able to collect/ask if they will deliver.   Repeat until they get fed up.

subjecttocontract

What makes you think it's ok for you to get involved ? You gave them the items freely and without condition so, surely the items are now their property and it's up to them what they do with it. I've heard of this situation many times concerning Christmas and Birthday gifts. People receive a gift and at some time in the future, when they no longer want it or need it, they sell it. It's normal practice.......most people don't have an issue with it.

mjm3346

Did you make it clear you continued to hold an interest in the items and needed to be told what they were doing with them at all times and for example they should launder them to a schedule from you etc.
If not then it's none of your business whatever they do with them, be that selling them, dressing a scarecrow/guy with them etc

Langerhan

Are you friends as well as neighbours? Otherwise, it seems a bit odd to have given them clothes (especially underwear!). Was there any discussion of why they might want them?

Spoonie_Turtle

When my friends and I give clothes to reach other, we state what the expectation is if they turn out not to be any use to the recipient - give them back, pass them on to someone else (for free), charity shop, or even 'do what you like' which includes selling.  Too late this time, but in future make sure you communicate your expectation.  Then there can be no misunderstanding.

Ed264

To me, this comes across as a devious scheme by your friends to make whatever money they could get for the clothes. As you are neighbours, to fall out over it could have unpleasant results, but I certainly wouldn't trust them again. Don't give them anything else. 

Jacqu

Did you give them the clothes because they'd asked for them or said they liked them?
Or did you offer and they accepted, perhaps because they thought it would be polite to do so? In that case, you can't expect them to wear then without having chosen them/shown interest?

honestcove

You could buy the items back any give them to the same people again, and again…….a bit of an expense but charity or maintaining the moral high ground has a cost.