Money Moral Dilemma: Our neighbour is selling clothes we've given them - should we say something?

zeegomandadrin

Did you give them your rules for use of the donated clothes? Maybe you shouldn't donate anything in future.

BethP

No. I’d keep quiet. You gave your neighbour the clothes. Next time, maybe consider donating unwanted / unworn clothing to a charity shop.  This is what we do, donate redundant items from our household to one of the charities we support.

JayD

They were a gift.

So, your neighbours can do what they want with them - and you could have done the same if you wanted to put in the effort.

Leave it alone.

JB50MSE

I'm amazed at some of the responses. Presumably, you gave the clothes to your neighbours so that they could use them for themselves, so you feel somewhat taken aback. I don't blame you at all. Maybe you knew they have less than you, so you thought they would welcome the clothes as a helpful treat which they could not afford for themselves. Years ago, a rich friend gave me some clothes that no longer fitted them, including an item of unused underwear, for which I was very grateful. They were high quality, and I still use the clothes (I look after clothes carefully, and buy most of mine second-hand). Perhaps the neighbours are so desperate for money they need the proceeds to pay bills. A lot of people live from day to day, especially in these times. I wouldn't bother challenging your neighbours; it's very unlikely anything good will result. Maybe be a bit less trusting in future. As these neighbours have not behaved as you would have hoped, perhaps next time you could find a charity shop, or bring and buy sale for a local school or charity you'd like to support, and donate the clothes (or other items) to them instead. That way, more benefit: charity beneficiaries (the environment, animals, humans etc.) and the people who buy the items to use!

Pollycat

JB50MSE said:

I'm amazed at some of the responses. Presumably, you gave the clothes to your neighbours so that they could use them for themselves, so you feel somewhat taken aback. I don't blame you at all. Maybe you knew they have less than you, so you thought they would welcome the clothes as a helpful treat which they could not afford for themselves. Years ago, a rich friend gave me some clothes that no longer fitted them, including an item of unused underwear, for which I was very grateful. They were high quality, and I still use the clothes (I look after clothes carefully, and buy most of mine second-hand). Perhaps the neighbours are so desperate for money they need the proceeds to pay bills. A lot of people live from day to day, especially in these times. I wouldn't bother challenging your neighbours; it's very unlikely anything good will result. Maybe be a bit less trusting in future. As these neighbours have not behaved as you would have hoped, perhaps next time you could find a charity shop, or bring and buy sale for a local school or charity you'd like to support, and donate the clothes (or other items) to them instead. That way, more benefit: charity beneficiaries (the environment, animals, humans etc.) and the people who buy the items to use!

They gave the clothes to the neighbours because they no longer fitted them - as in 'they are no use to us anymore'.

My partner and I gave our neighbour some clothes that no longer fit us, as well as some expensive designer underwear that had never been worn. To our horror, they're now advertising what we've given them for sale online. Should we say something about them taking advantage of our generosity and risk a good friendship, or keep quiet? 

tain

I'm firmly in the 'this isn't ok' camp, but I wouldn't say anything and take it as a lesson learned for the future. 

This is on the assumption that the timeframe between giving them the clothes and them selling them is immediate. If they've had them for months then it's silly to be horrified about it. 

Maxson

NBLondon said:

Maxson said:

Items that have been offloaded on us by the neigbours and we haven't used only go to charity for this reason. Or sometimes the tip. Lots of things I never asked for or even wanted or had anywhere to store. The most vexing for me was a Claud Butler bike which had been left to go rusty in places and had flat tyres and broken gears but could have been fixed up and made nice. I rode it a few times despite the broken gears but didn't like it and I already have another bike. The savvy thing to do would be fix and sell it but I gave it to a charity that fixes bikes instead.

Why not say no?  Did they offer you the bike because they thought you like fixing bikes?  You could have pointed them straight to the charity...

It just feels churlish to turn away gifts but I don't know why I wasn't more firm about not wanting things. Like with other stuff I said I already have a bike and didn't need another but it still ended up being brought round! I could have brought it straight back round of course but for some reason I didn't feel comfortable doing that. Also not comfortable with profiting from it.

Maxson

CapeTown said:

So a few years ago I was moving house. I had a nice stone bird table in the garden.  My friend asked if she could have as I was going. I said yes. A couple of years later, she too was moving and she listed this table on ebay for a tidy sum and got it. Still !!!!!! about this. Never acknowledged it was mine, never gave me money or a donation to charity 

If that's the way you feel about it now you probably should have asked for money when they asked for it. They may have been expecting to pay if it's valuable. It's reasonable to sell something if you're moving house wherever it may have come from but it's a grey area if they should offer you some of their profits. I would have offered you some of the profit.

bradavon

So you're annoyed you didn't try to sell them?

You gave them away because you didn't want them but could've sold them too. I give clothes away because clothes sell for very little on auction sites. I right them off. If I thought it's worth something I'd sell it.

But ultimately you choice not to.

Seems like a petty thing to fall out over. Good neighbours are worth more than a few clothes.

JaneHenery

It was a GIFT, as in you, of your free will and without coercion, GAVE them to your friends. That means they are no longer yours. It sounds suspiciously like you have the financial advantage over them and expected them to be grateful for your handouts. Obviously if they boldly asked you for the items, or claimed they had no underwear left, then you might have some cause for complaint here, because they've manipulated you, but if it was just a "We don't wear these, would you like them?" situation then you have no say over what they do with them. You can't gift someone something with conditions. That's not a gift, that's a loan.