Money Moral Dilemma: Our neighbour is selling clothes we've given them - should we say something?



  • OctaviaP
    OctaviaP Forumite Posts: 27
    Sixth Anniversary 10 Posts Name Dropper
    Why are you 'horrified' that they're selling some stuff they own? Tbh I can't see that it's any of your business what they do with their possessions - the fact that you gave them the stuff is irrelevant.

    The option was open to you to sell the items if you wanted the money, whereas presumably they do want (or need) the money. You could just be happy that you've enabled them to have a nicer Christmas or whatever.
  • mateypeeps
    mateypeeps Forumite Posts: 167
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    If they are desperate for money to cope with the cost of living 10% rise, then if you gave the items "without let or hindrance" why get so upset?

    The clothes are/were theirs so they can do what they want with them.

    Imagine how you would feel if you sold some of your other clothes and then your neighbours said you should not do so, but give the clothes to the them.

    You would tell them that what is your property is for you to decide what to do with.

    Same for them.

    If the clothes did not fit or they did not like the style, and were short of money, then I can not see what is such a hang, drawn & quartered offence in selling them on to people that want to use them.

    Next time, donate your castoffs to a Charity shop, then THEY can SELL them instead.

    So same result.
  • perfect1964
    perfect1964 Forumite Posts: 1
    Second Anniversary First Post
    I’d agree with other posters that if you gift something you no longer need, then the recipient (family, lover, friend, neighbour) should be able to do with them as they please. Selling stuff second hand is still a hassle and maybe the money they can make they need more than the item.

    The way I look at it when I gift is that how they use what we give in no way diminishes our generosity. Equally, people who receive our generosity should not feel beholden to any particular way to use a gift: otherwise it simply diminishes our generosity.
  • skull
    skull Forumite Posts: 49
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Would you care about this if you had given the items to a charity shop? Once you give something away it is no longer yours. Perhaps they needed the money for something else and this was a way of them raising it. Be happy for them, or it sounds like sour grapes that you didn't think to sell the items yourselves.
  • Sparky6_9
    Sparky6_9 Forumite Posts: 12
    Tenth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    I can understand your annoyance, you feel like you have been taken advantage of. However, without knowing the circumstances of why you thought they needed your charity it is difficult to comprehend the problem. Maybe your neighbour felt embarrassed that you thought they needed your charity or maybe they would just feel embarrassed wearing your old clothes. Maybe they thought they was doing you a favour taking them off your hands or just didn't like to say no. Just let it go and think twice about it next time. A charity shop might be better or sell them yourself.
  • John_Gray
    John_Gray Forumite Posts: 5,815
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Should you give any clothes to neighbours in the future, you really need to get them to sign a solicitor-drawn-up contract which would prevent them from disposing of, selling, or otherwise profiting materially from your generosity. 
    An alternative would be to denounce them anonymously on "social" media.

  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Forumite Posts: 34,028
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    Oh come on.

    1. freely transfer the possession of (something) to (someone):

    It's absolutely nothing to do with you from the moment you gave them the items.
  • dysucker
    dysucker Forumite Posts: 45
    Ninth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    If you gave them as a gift, then you have no further entitlement to the item you've gifted.

    I see this a lot, if you don't like what somebody does with items you ultimately gift, then the choice is simple, don't offer any gifts in future. The emotional response to the current gift is your issue to deal with, not theirs.

    I've had to tell people in your situation multiple times, a gift is a selfless act that is non-binding. The item is no longer yours, it belongs to the person that you gave it to. Your emotion of that item is more about your entitlement than it is about the item.

    If you have a negative emotional response to what somebody does to a gift after it's been gifted, you should reconsider either gifting to that specific person, or gifting entirely.
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