Money Moral Dilemma: Our neighbour is selling clothes we've given them - should we say something?

dirtmother

Horror?! I would have thought 'peeved', 'miffed' etc were more at the right level.

What were the circumstances around the giving? Did they say something to make you thinking of giving them the items? Was it "Would you like...?" or "Do you have a use for...?" Did they see what they were getting before they agreed to.... take them off your hands... to look at this scenario another way.

Have they put them straight up for sale? Or have they had the items for a while? Are they selling everything or just some things? 

I agree that this is a lesson on communicating expectations clearly so that you are making an informed decision on giving... and they (whoever they are in the future) are making an informed decision on accepting. I share your distaste for people selling this sort of thing when they got it for free (and not donating the cash to a good cause - or even share some of it with you) but that's a personal perspective and we don't all see the world in the same way, nor do we all have the luxury of being able to do so.

Given that they weren't told to feel free to sell them on, it was naff of them to put them up for sale somewhere you were going to see it without talking to you first. There's nothing to be gained from saying anything to them now unless they bring it up, when you might wish to say "Well, we didn't specify did we and it's done now" rather than say it is fine.

Jerome_TFB

You gave them the items, they're theirs now. 
Why does it bother you? Maybe they tried them on, it didn't fit and decided to pass it on. They were savvy enough to decide to sell it...
Why didn't you sell it in the first place? If you can't be bothered to list it, well, it's up to you; now you gave it to them, they do what they want with it.

You could raise it with them, but that would spoil your relationship with your neighbour; not a good idea if you ask me. 
Simply do not give them anything more, sell it on, or give it to a charity shop next time.

Afourteen

I'd be pretty !!!!!! off - especially if I thought I was helping. Yes I know the money from the sales helps them but it does seem to be rather thoughtless on their part.

Say nothing but don't forget. If it hurts that much I'd never give (or loan) them anything else.

Question yourself on how much value you place on the friendship. 

mimol

Maybe the items were not to their taste? In my younger days I have been embarrassed into accepting items from well intentioned friends knowing I would never wear them, but not wanting to hurt there feelings by refusing them. I never sold anything but they ended up in a charity shop. Now I am older I don't have a problem refusing items I don't want.

PurpleJelly

Selling clothes online is a nightmare and at some point they will get ripped off or lose money on items because of unscrupulous companies such as vinted. 
Leave them to it, just don't give them anything again, move on.

Bonnypitlad

Don’t worry, be happy 
Take an interest in their “sale” with them, I see many pre owned items of clothing with zero bids, often the cost of postage makes the deal unattractive and they remain unsold 
Learn from the experience and in future advertise your pre owned clothing to see if you’re successful or if it is worth the effort 

AlexanderBirch77

I’m surprised at the number of people who think this behaviour is ok. It’s not, it’s crude, tasteless and morally questionable. They sound like selfish chancers and I would distance myself from them. 

Pollycat

AlexanderBirch77 said:

I’m surprised at the number of people who think this behaviour is ok. It’s not, it’s crude, tasteless and morally questionable. They sound like selfish chancers and I would distance myself from them. 

The neighbours are perfectly within their rights to do whatever they wish with a gift.

OctaviaP

AlexanderBirch77 said:

I’m surprised at the number of people who think this behaviour is ok. It’s not, it’s crude, tasteless and morally questionable. They sound like selfish chancers and I would distance myself from them. 

Why is it 'morally questionable' to sell your own possessions??

orzeluk

I agree wholeheartedly with those who believe that once given a gift is no longer one's property and one has no rights to it. It seems to me there is something very distasteful about gifting with conditions. One should ask oneself what was the real motivation behind that gift. Seeing the neighbour wearing those clothes might instil a sense of virtue in oneself but if that was the purpose of the gift then generosity and kindness could not be the true impetus behind the act. It's very common to hide one's personal circumstances, even from friends. The impoverished have a right to dignity. Cast-offs cannot be eaten. But even if none that that were relevant in this case I go back to my first point. Gifting is not a conditional exercise. What was given away was neither wanted nor needed. So what was really lost?