Mrs S…the next chapter (separation and all that comes with it)

MrsSave

Tiredbutdetermined said:

I am glad you are able to discuss things and agree the big things together. I am in a much less amicable situation

enjoy your shiny new notebook. I love the exciting possibilities of a fresh new notebook.

I’m really sorry to hear that I hope things get better for you soon

MrsSave

I remembered earlier that we also have a joint Monzo card. I’ll have to close that down as well. I feel very insensitive doing that until he actually moves out though so will add it to this weekend’s list of things to do. I’m at the point where I’m desperate to talk with someone in real life about what’s happening. Not too long to wait now. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t sound very nice, but in my head I have been desperate to be alone for so long now. I want my independence and freedom basically.

There’s a food shop coming tomorrow morning. I found this one really hard to do because he’ll only be here for half the week but I again don’t want to look insensitive by not ordering some of his usuals that I know he won't eat before he leaves. I’m probably overthinking things massively. On the plus side, the food shop is very low due to having so much in the house still from Christmas!

savingholmes

Good luck with the next phase of your journey. 

I made the decision to divorce this year - and got it done in record time. My kids are older though and it was an amicable split. Still expensive though. I remortgaged into my name via a broker recommended on here - and said I planned to work until I was 74 to meet affordability

savingholmes

I found journalling and list making a life saver - so I'm sure your trusty notebook will come in very handy

MrsSave

We’re having a food delivery this morning and it has come to £42.31. It only came to that because I added toilet paper and laundry powder to save either paying an extra £4 for delivery or going to the shop myself. They’ll be needed at some point so definitely not a waste. I did click last night that January is a 5 food shop month (I start each food budget around the 25th of the previous month) so it’s good that the first one is low. I think I’ll alternate my shops between having a delivery for convenience and going to Aldi to save a few £££s moving on.

I’m a bit worried about taking the Christmas decorations down as I’ll have to do it by myself (and no idea how I’m going to get the tree to the recycling centre). Taking the decorations down isn’t the problem, but lugging boxes up and down from the attic. We’ve also got outside lights that I’ll not manage to reach so I may have to ask him to step in and help. He has a ladder due to his work so it takes no time at all for him to do it. It may be a good time to re-organise their storage to make it easier. I usually keep decorations up until the New Year, but I feel that I would love to welcome the New Year with a clean, tidy and clutter free house this year. I may leave it until the weekend though when the boys are with their dad (they're with me Thursday night and all day Friday so Mr S is having them from mid morning Sat to mid afternoon Sunday). Our proper routine will be starting the following weekend.

I’ve suggested Mr S takes the boys shopping on Thursday before he leaves to pick up some new clothes to keep at his parents’ place. I did initially tell him he could take from here (there is plenty) but he is adamant he needs to buy new. I’m guessing it’s his way of dealing with things. So, I suggested he take them shopping as they may be excited to choose some new bits for their grandparents’ house and it will help slightly with the move.

He has made zero effort to start packing so I’m not sure when he plans on doing that. I’m hoping it’s not in front of the boys after we tell them as that won’t be the nicest for them. I’m really struggling to work out when to suggest things and when to bite my tongue. I don't want to make things more difficult for him, but I don’t want the boys to suffer any more than necessary. 

savingholmes

My DD is 18 but I literally paid her to bubble wrap some pictures and things he was taking. My BIL (married to my sis) had to come and help him move or I don't think he would have gone on time... It's a difficult situation you are in especially when the kids are small. While it's not nice for the kids to watch him move out - it does reduce the confusion. 

enthusiasticsaver

When do you intend telling your boys? That must be difficult if no one else in RL knows yet. Do you have supportive parents/siblings?

Tiredbutdetermined

Please stop worrying about being insensitive, this is a hard time.
Can the boys help you take down and put away the decorations? Mine were ace at getting everything down for me this year and it made it feel more like a new normal if that makes sense.

I am guessing for him the hardest step is that first one of opening a bag and starting to pack. He possibly doesn’t want to do it in front of the boys or you.

I am glad you said that about January. I was looking at my budget planner last night and January just looks to go on and on, which isn’t great financially!

WinterWarrior

It will be so much easier once he’s gone, but it may come to having to be a bit tactless to get him out. My ex threatened to go, told everyone he was going (including my family before I had!), but still it took 3 weeks of hell to stop him coming back like he lived there. You need him to take his things on the scheduled day to make it easier for everyone. The you can settle to a new routine ⭐️

MrsSave

Thank you for all your messages. It’s really helpful to hear other people’s stories and to pick up some tips. Today has been quite productive. We had a chat where Mr S said he was feeling quite positive about the whole thing and is already started to put a few things in the van ready to move out. I also spoke with my mum and told her what was happening. That was a big weigh lifted. 

I closed the Monzo joint account and have printed off the form to close the other joint account. We did have a holiday booked for the Summer and were debating still going but decided this morning it would be too unfair and confusing for the children. So, I’ve cancelled that and with Mr S’s blessing I’ll take them away for a week in the Summer. It’ll be a much smaller version of the big trip we had planned btu hopefully they’ll still be excited. I have cancelled all the parts of the original holiday and have quite a few refunds on their way to the card. For that reason I’m going to hold off removing Mr S as a second cardholder because when I did it before they cancelled my card and sent a new one out. I don’t want any problems with refunds because of a change of cards. Hopefully they’ll all be sorted within the next fortnight so I can them remove him.

I’ve attempted a meal plan for next week and started adding things to the Tesco basket. I’ve ordered more plastic containers for freezing food because there are so many cracks and chunks missing from the ones here. My plan is to freeze meals when eat as a 3 and then I can have them sometime when I’m here alone. Over the weekend I need to properly go through the cupboard though as there is so much food here from Christmas. I need to see what we have and amend my list accordingly.

There’s been a small change of plan as to when Mr S is moving out. He was going to go on Thursday after us telling the boys in the morning and then taking them shopping for a few things that they will need. But, his sister has decided today that she is going to be staying there until Friday (she doesn’t know what’s happening yet). Mr S did ask if I could stay with my parents Thursday night (and take the boys with me) and then he’d be gone by the time we got back on Friday. He is also considering looking for somewhere to rent now that we have decided against this holiday. He doesn’t want to stay with his parents any longer than he has to so is going to see what’s around until I can (hopefully) buy him out which will give him a deposit.

My parents offered to be a guarantor for me earlier when I spoke with them (and also offered to come with me and the boys on holiday) which is so lovely. They don’t have a mortgage and have a decent income so hopefully with that help I’ll be able to remortgage and buy out. I am going to arrange a chat with a financial advisor in the new year and see how possible this is. Everything crossed here.