Mrs S…the next chapter (separation and all that comes with it)

savingholmes

When I was doing my budget - I realised that the dog had been costing easily £50 a month for a 3 year old - I reluctantly let Ex have her. She's been back for visits - but I realised it was a lot harder to look after her as a single adult with my DD mostly away - so it feels like I made the right decision. We already had a cat which Ex didn't want. I reckon my cat (including insurance) costs more like £25 pcm. The cat is a lot friendlier without the dog and it has that lovely soft fur to stroke so still therapeutic. 

MrsSave

Thank you both. It is definitely not a spur of the moment decision, it has been on the cards for a long time. I’ve looked at the monthly estimated cost, thought about the challenges and difficulties, and feel it is the right decision for us. I am definitely not a cat person so won’t be switching for one!

After my 1 good night I have now had a couple of rubbish ones again. I’m hoping things settle soon as it won’t help with feeling rubbish. 

I’m back working today so my parents are having the boys for the day (they've got an INSET today and tomorrow….hopefully back to school on Thursday). Mr S has taken tomorrow off to have them so I won’t be seeing much of them now this week and then it’s Mr S’ weekend with them. 

I have no plans this weekend (the next 2 where I don’t have the boys are busy). I think I’ll do an Aldi shop and cancel next Monday’s delivery to save a few ££s. The supermarkets are busier at the weekend though (and I’m not a fan of busy supermarkets) so I may change my mind there. 

I half thought about painting the bathroom as a task, but I’ve got people staying over (if Covid agrees) in a couple of weeks and worried it’ll look awful! I’ll have to think about what to do as housework all weekend will end up with me missing the boys like crazy!!

savingholmes

I imagine it will be hard for you to get used to being without the boys. Could you think of it as a mini-holiday / respite care instead? I am someone who needs a lot of time to myself so rarely had the kind of problem you describe.

I think with virus prevalence I'd stick with deliveries.

On the DIY - could you set yourself a smaller task like a) painting all the woodwork or b) starting with just one wall rather than letting the task get too big. You can then opt to do more if you fancy - rather than being forced into it.

MrsSave

I think it’s difficult because it’s new. I am the biggest introverted person ever, but not seeing my children from a Thursday morning to a Sunday night isn’t easy. I also work from home all week so don’t see many people at all!

I’m still waiting for a few refunds to come in. I’ve looked up how long the should take and they should hopefully be in by the end of next week. I have had my council tax refund though and used part of that to paint the bathroom.

Things are ok with me and my ex. I am worried that everything’s going too well and things will blow up at some point. My feelings changed a long time ago, but I think he wanted to keep trying (without the effort!) so I’m not sure where his head is but don’t think it’s my place to ask. The most important thing is that the boys are happy.

It’s been a spendy week in that I booked a holiday for me and the boys (with ex’s permission) for the Summer. I had the money to one side already and they’re so excited. I’ve budgeted for it and want to save an extra £500 ish before the Summer on top of what I already have. They are so excited, though I must admit to being a little nervous. My parents are joining us for a few days half way through but for he first half it will be just our little adventure. At least it’s a country where I can (though not perfectly) speak the language. I did use Topcashback to book it, but it hasn’t tracked. I’m going to request that it’s looked into once 7 days have passed. It’s annoying but I tend to think of the cashback as a bonus so if it doesn’t track it’s disappointing but not a disaster!

Food wise I’m still trying to work out what it will cost on a weekly basis. We’ve got full cupboards here and every other week the boys will be at their Dad’s so spends will be less. It looks like roughly £50 a week at the moment which will be great if I can stick to that.

I have spent all but about £7 of my petrol budget this month, but have a full tank so hopefully that should last the month. I’ve also got around half of our ‘spending’ money left this month. This is for anything that isn’t budgeted for. I may use a little this weekend for a fast food treat and parking in a country park which has lots of nice walks and a great play area. 

My main aim this month is to end the month with more money than I ended December with and to roughly work out what my spends are.

MrsSave

The last of the refunds are pending so should have cleared by tomorrow. Once they’ve cleared I will contact the bank to remove exh as an additional cardholder. That will be another tick in the box!

I popped to Tesco and Aldi today to pick up a couple of bits. I have a few favourite from Aldi which I stock up on when I pass. I found some reduced clothes in Tesco for my youngest today. They should have come to over £40 but only cost £16. I have boxes in the attic of clothes for next sizes for both of them. I plan to go through them soon to see whether they’re short on anything so I can keep an eye out and also have a look on Vinted. 

The boys are with their dad tonight. It’s the only night this week they’re with him, and he won’t be seeing them over the weekend. Yet he decided to ask his mum to collect them from school rather than to finish work a little early (he’s self employed so that wouldn’t be an issue). He initially insisted on 50:50 when we decided to separate. When he realised that would be too difficult with his work we came up with the 1 week night and every other weekend with him. I think that’s perfect because they’re sticking to their same routine the majority of the time and I’ve always been the one to do school runs, etc. But now his mum is picking them up on the only night he’s got them this week. I didn’t say anything as it’s his choice at the end of the day, but I know I’d want to do things differently. The little one is in bed by 7 so he’s not going to see much of him.

Right, so I’ve checked the food account and I now have £122 to last the rest of the month. That should be fine (as long as I don’t keep popping into the shops between deliveries!). I do plan on picking up some meat for the weekend from the butcher tomorrow, but that will only be a small piece so not too expensive. 

MrsSave

The pending refunds have disappeared, but I’m hoping they’ll all be through by the middle of next week. I had some great news last night. I had cancelled our Summer holiday except the flights. I could change them, apply for credit on my account but not have a refund with them. I had decided to wait until much closer to the time before applying for the account credit in case there were changes to the flight which would mean I would be eligible for a refund. Last night I had an email to say that the outgoing flight was cancelled and we would be moved to a different day. That gives me the option of a refund so I’m really happy about that.

I’m sure it will take time to come through but with my half (I will transfer half to exh) I will be able to put away enough to cover mine and the children’s holiday, get my emergency fund up to just under £1,000 and have a bit left over to put towards new things for the house. I have a huge list of things that need replacing starting with the sofa so that’s the first savings goal. The sofa isn’t in great condition and has mostly peeled the top layer off (apparently it was leather but I have my doubts…cheers scs). I currently have blankets thrown over it as it looks so awful. It’ll take a while to save for new ones but this is a start.

The boys are with me this weekend and we’ve planned a pizza picnic in front of a film tonight. We have pizzas in the freezer ready (as well as some churros left over from Christmas so we may also have pudding). Tomorrow will be activities day (we have football and rugby on a Saturday) and a party for one of the boys late afternoon. Sunday will be quieter though we may find a park to play in!

savingholmes

Could you get a free / cheap sofa on FB? They have some amazing offers. Furniture charities often have great offers too. 

Well done on all the refunds. Sounds good to have holidays planned. 

If your Ex has them less is he contributing more?

MatyMoo

Definitely keep an eye on FB Marketplace for a sofa. 

I picked up an almost new M&S one for £50 a year ago. They were turning their rarely used snug in to a home office & needed space quickly! it was £7-800 new, less than 3 years old and had hardly been sat on. 

MrsSave

I’m definitely keeping an eye on marketplace in case the ideal sofa pops up (not that I’ve quite worked out what that is yet!). I don’t want to rush into a purchase though “because it’s cheap”. I’ll end up regretting it and wanting to look again! 

We had a fun but busy weekend. Ate our pizza and watched a film. Didn’t eat the churros though as I hadn’t realised quite how long they took to defrost. Oops! We may have them weekend after next when it’s my weekend with the boys again. We then had the usual weekend activities, lots of washing afterwards (very muddy pitch!), a party and playing with friends. The boys have asked for a pizza picnic with a film every friday night they’re with me. I’m definitely up for that!

I’ve sent xh a link to a rental property that looks perfect tonight. It’s anyones guess whether he’ll do anything about it though. He could have the boys extra if he did as it isn’t far at all from their swimming lessons (walking distance) rather than half an hour in the opposite direction. It’s his decision at the end of the day though. 

No further updates with the refunds (partly due to the weekend. It’s a long waiting game, and I can’t remove exh from the card until they’re all through. Grrrrrrr!

I had a Tesco delivery today and it came to just over £50. That did include some bits for the weekend as I have friends staying over. I’m pretty sure next week’s shop won’t come to the minimum £40 so I’ve booked a click and collect instead. 

Just over 2 weeks until I find out about whether I’m entitled to any UC. I’m looking forward to having some figures but in an ideal world I’d not need it to start with. A big pay rise would be nice!!

savingholmes

Sounds very productive. Hope the refund comes soon and the UC.