Mrs S…the next chapter (separation and all that comes with it)

MrsSave

We had another chat this morning and thought it may be better on the boys if we told them sooner so that they had a few days to get used to things and to see that we are getting on, rather than tell them and Mr S moves out pretty much immediately. They’re both sad, naturally. The eldest is 8 and he understands what’s going on. He is sad and has been quiet today, but gets excited from time to time about some of the changes. Our youngest is 5. He understands part of what’s going to happen but I don't think will be able to understand completely until we’re in our new routine. He’s been very cuddly today and keeps telling me he’s going to miss me. He is also adamant that he doesn’t want me to get rid of the house (we got a new car a year ago and he is only now starting to like the new car, he still says that he wants the old one back).

I posted the application today to close the second joint account. Hopefully that will be sorted over the next week or so. It’ll then be just waiting for the refunds all to come in and I can sort out the final card.

Mr S and the boys are now going shopping tomorrow for some new clothes and a few other bits. I’m going to use that time to pull the decorations down and start a proper tidy up. I hate the post-Christmas mess. I’m determined to get the house in some sort of order by New Years Day so that I’m starting the New Year in a calm and positive way.

Chrystal

Sending every good wish to you. 
Having been in a similar position, many, many years ago, I know how difficult it can be, but life has a way of working things out so stay positive, and look forward to the new year, and the new start. (((hugs))) 

MrsSave

2 refunds in my account this morning (out of 8 I'm waiting for). Mr S bought a laptop yesterday as we were all using the same one so that the boys can do their homework when they're with him, and he's starting a new part time course too. I've told him we'll pay for that with money put aside from a birthday weekend away we had planned for this year for his birthday. I just need to find out how much it was and I'll transfer the money to him today. 

I've also told him to take some money that we were given jointly for Christmas when he takes the boys shopping for a few bits today. I feel doing these few bits is fair as the upheavel in his life is far greater than mine.

I've been trying to do a little more research into remortgaging/buying out and I can see that some companies will accept universal credit and child maintenance as part of income. I definitely need to chat with a financial advisor but think it might be worth hanging in for 3 or 4 months so that my income settles and I know what comes in every month. At a push I may be then able to remortgage and buy Mr S out without having to use my parents as guarantors (or just to use them for a very small amount of the mortgage (if I've understood how it works properly). I need to look into what the house was valued at when we remortgaged, and also what I would need to pay by remortgaging early. I might do that today once I've sorted the Christmas decorations.

Mr S has agreed to take the tree to the dump for me today which is a big help as otherwise I wasn't sure what to do with it. 

I don't think what's happening has hit me yet. I haven't shed a single tear and I'm not sure if that's normal. Maybe it's been over in my head for so long that I've dealt with a lot of the emotions. 

savingholmes

Well done on telling the kids. That's the hardest thing after your partner (followed closely by telling parents!!)

I'm not sure its an IFA you need. A mortgage broker would be able to indicate what you could borrow... L&C are free and there's a link to them on here that earns MSE money.

MrsSave

savingholmes said:

I'm not sure its an IFA you need. A mortgage broker would be able to indicate what you could borrow... L&C are free and there's a link to them on here that earns MSE money.

Thanks. My mum has seen the same financial advisor quite a bit over the years and apparently he deals with mortgages, but I will definitely look into a mortgage broker as they would definitely be the most knowledgable. 

Today has been a busy day. The boys went shopping with Mr S, and he asked could he pay for all clothes he bought today for them on my credit card where he’s the second cardholder rather than me transfer the money over for the laptop. That worked in my favour so that’s what he did. 

I popped out to buy more boxes for storing the Christmas decorations and a couple of other bits. I then took the decorations down and boxed them up ready for the attic. Mr S has taken them up, taken the lights down outside and made an appointment to take the Christmas tree to the dump tomorrow. There are a few more toys to put away tomorrow, and then the house is back to its normal self. It’s going to be a weird few days but I was desperate to start the new year with a tidy, clean and de-cluttered house!

savingholmes

Glad things are going smoothly currently. An uncluttered house does make a difference... Sadly my cleaner took the week off LOL... 

MrsSave

Mr S reminded me last night that he was a second cardholder on my Clarity card too (we always use this for when we are abroad - which doesn’t happen often!). I have logged in and removed him this morning from that. No more refunds have come through on the other cc overnight. I’m hoping they’ll all be sorted by the end of next week. 

Next week’s food shop is currently looking to be a few pence over £40 so another small one. I’ll probably go to Aldi at some point over the next few weeks but at the moment it’s easier to get the delivery. 

Tonight is the last night that Mr S will be in the house, though me and the boys will be staying with my parents. That’s a strange feeling. We actually had a good chat last night about the future, about living separately, new partners, etc. It’s very refreshing that we can have a chat (and a bit of a laugh) about things. I hope it continues. 

We told the boys yesterday about the change in holiday plans and they took it far better than expected. They were excited about the thought of going where I plan to take them. I’m hoping to book within the next couple of months (when things have settled a bit and I know where I am financially each month). It’s definitely something to look forward to.

I told my friends last night what was happening. It’s a relief people knowing, but I hate fuss and sympathy from people so I get anxious telling people because of that. I prefer to get my head down and deal with things in my own way. I hide my emotions quite well (probably too well) a lot of the time. They were lovely though. We will leave people to find out naturally now I think rather than telling anyone else (other than the boys’ teachers….. will have to mention it there before they go back).

Honeysucklelou2

It’s so positive to hear of such amicable arrangements and the healthy chat you had. I’ve had a battle spanning years to just get to the financial consent order. It’s so refreshing to read about more positive experiences.

MrsSave

Honeysucklelou2 said:

It’s so positive to hear of such amicable arrangements and the healthy chat you had. I’ve had a battle spanning years to just get to the financial consent order. It’s so refreshing to read about more positive experiences.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having big difficulties. I have no doubt that this won’t all be plain sailing. But, we both have the same goal which is for our children to be happy. We had issues last time which mainly stemmed from his family deciding that it must all be my fault because their son is perfect and resulted in facebook posts about me and them saying not very nice things about me. I have received apologies since, but I have never forgiven them for that and it massively contributed to a breakdown I had soon after which meant I was off work for a few months. I now dislike spending any time with them but did it for the children. I have spoken to Mr S about my worries of it happening again and he has promised on several occasions that he is stronger this time and will not allow it to happen. I’m really hoping that’s true and we stay as amicable as we are.

I have a Trading 212 account and invest a small amount every week for the future (I think of it as extra retirement money) so I have done that this morning. I need to book the boys’ school dinner for next week and pay for one of their sporting classes so those 2 are my next tasks today. Once that’s done I want to continue with tidying the house (it’s not too bad to be fair) so that it’s completely clutter and dust free.

MrsSave

Well it’s happened. Me and the boys are at my parents house for the night and when we get home tomorrow Mr S will have moved out. I think (hope) it was the best way to do it as they’ve had good fun here playing tonight which has taken their minds off what’s happening. Mr S got a little upset as we left (understandably) but if the boys were there when he left it would have been a lot harder on all of us.

I’ve finished tidying the living room today and I love having that back all organised. I have ordered a couple of boxes for the kallax unit I have as I need more storage space for the boys’ toys! They should be arriving by next Thursday. We just need to tidy the boys’ bedrooms now and we should have an organised home once again! I am going to work for an hour or so tomorrow (I work from home, and by doing this tomorrow it will save me a bigger task when I’m properly back in work next week). When I do that the boys can have the first attempt at tidying their rooms before I step in and help!

We’re off out for a meal for New Years Eve with my parents. First time I’ve been out in years. I didn’t want to cancel it despite the separation as it will be nice to go out and a distraction for the boys. I have no doubt we’ll be home early and I’ll be in bed way before 10!! I’ve never been a big New Years Eve person, but felt like I wanted to do something this year. I’ve then got most of the weekend by myself. I thought it would make everything easier for the boys to spend time with their dad this weekend (even though when our proper routine starts he’ll also be having them next weekend). My plan is to read, watch some netflix (the new film with Leonardo di Caprio in looks promising), wash bed clothes/towels etc, sort through the fridge/freezer and food cupboards and make sure everything is in place for a new week.