Mrs S…the next chapter (separation and all that comes with it)

MrsSave

I have been on these boards for quite a few years, and rather than continuing my last diary I have decided to start a new one for the next chapter of my life.

I mentioned in a previous diary that myself and Mr S separated at the start of 2018. We got back together by the end of that year. We have now made the decision to separate again. But, we are going to have to do things so differently this time.

Despite making the decision a few days ago, Mr S won’t move out for a few months. His family caused a lot of issues last time so we will hopefully have the time to put things in place which means he won’t need to move back with his parents but will have his own place.  We have decided that I’ll stay here so over the next few months I need to get some advice about remortgaging in just my name. We have decided that I’ll buy him out. On my wages I can just about remortgage but wouldn’t be able to increase it to release the funds to buy him out so I need advice about what to do. It’s going to be a heavy few months of finance!

We haven’t told anyone yet. We will do eventually, but it could add to the difficulties if more people know now. If we can have a plan in place and have sorted the house, etc. before it’s common knowledge it will hopefully help with some of the issues we had last time.

We’re not going to tell the boys until much closer to the time. It’s 100% the right thing to do. Part of me thinks we shouldn’t have got back together, but the other half thinks it all happens for a reason and we’ve hopefully learnt a lot from last time.

Sunshine_girl2

MrsS I have followed you on your previous diaries and I am sorry to hear you are separating again. It does sound though as it's for the best . I hope you manage to get a remortgage sorted in the future when it's right. 

Hope you and your boys have a lovely Christmas. 

Seasidegal58

I'm another who used to read your diaries and sorry to hear you and your husband have decided to separate once more.  I do hope things are sorted for you and the remortgaging goes well. 

Have subscribed and will follow. 

Honeysucklelou2

Hi Mrs S - I remember you from your previous diaries. Thinking of you and hope that Christmas goes smoothly for you.

elbree

Hi @MrsSave 👋 I went through something similar a few years ago. It might help to know that we are now a happy separated family with 8yo moving between two houses but lots of genuine co-parenting and cooperation, it can be done! Good luck! 

MrsSave

Thank you for your replies. I have been planning to jump back on here all day to say that this diary won’t be all relationships, but to help with budgeting and all things finances whilst doing everything I can do end up back in debt. Almost 4 years debt free but it still doesn’t mean budgeting is easy. 

We have a holiday booked for the Summer. We started planning it with the boys during lockdown 1 and have a countdown in the house for it that they love. We both feel that we can’t take it away from them. They are so excited (it’s a lot bigger than any other trips we’ve been on). We have been saving hard for it, but now need to save for the next chapter whilst also saving for the holiday. Beans on toast for tea anyone?

I received my payslip yesterday, though I won't be paid until New Years Eve (thankfully). I’ve gone through and planned the budget for January. I do need to buy new school shoes for both boys (they’ve both managed to ruin theirs!) so that’s a New Years expense before I start.

Sorry, this seems quite garbled at the moment. There are so many things going around in my head with no one to talk to (my choice). It’s going to take a while to process things and make a proper plan. Mr S seems accepting of it though which I’m really pleased about. In the past he’s always made a load of promises and they never happen. This time I think that he sees I’m genuinely unhappy in the relationship and that won’t change. The positive is that we still get along.

MrsSave

Budgeting for the next chapter is going to happen sooner rather than later. It’s been a tough few days since deciding. I’m struggling with Mr S acting normally (even when the boys aren’t around) and the thought of ‘playing’ at happy families for months is 100% going to be too tough. Once all the Christmas festivities are over Mr S is going to move in with his parents whilst we get things sorted. It means a lot of sorting.

I’ve just been researching different things I need to sort financially. I’ve checked to see whether I’d be entitled to Universal Credit due to my low-ish income and the calculators are telling me that I would be entitled to a little. I will also need to apply for a single person discount for the Council Tax. I might start a new post with a list of things I need to do and come back to it regularly to update/tick off/add things.

I am dreading telling the boys, and I am dreading the big upheaval to their lives. 

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry to hear you are separating again but maybe it is for the best in the long run. Sounds like it is an amicable split though which will help. Children adapt so I would not worry about your boys. I hope you manage to have a nice Christmas and you can sort things in the New Year. 

MrsSave

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. 

I found an empty notebook yesterday and started making lists/plans for the next steps. The ‘admin’ things I need to do and the things I’d like to do on the house (nothing expensive!). I’m going to use it to make notes of everything.

I have applied online this morning for the council tax single person discount, to start from when Mr S moves out. It should mean a small refund as I pay 10 months and I’m guessing January’s will go out before it gets sorted. I will have paid for the whole year at full price where 3 months should be discounted. I’ll keep an eye on the account online.

I will apply for Universal Credit after Mr S moves out. The boys are with me New Years Eve but will then be going to Mr S for New Years Day and the second, coming back to me that afternoon. I will use that weekend to sort out anything I can online, which is:

1. Apply for Universal Credit,
2. Close joint account (we only have 1 which is the account for the boys’ activities),
3. Close Monzo joint account (I forgot about that one!!),
4. Request Mr S is taken off a second cardholder on my Tesco credit card (all my spends go on here for points, but gets paid in full each month).
5. Cancel and take out new life insurance.

I’ll add to that list if I think of more (ha, I’m sure there’s plenty more!!).

We’ve agreed that we’re going to try that he has the boys every other weekend and then 1 night during the week. He will also take them to a couple of their activities so he sees them a bit more. It works better than a 50:50 split (I think) as I work from home, a 10 minute walk from the school, and have the flexibility of being able to do all school runs. Mr S works full time and would have to pay for after school clubs, etc which seems a pointless waste of money when I’m able to collect them.

I’ll be doing 4 school drop offs a week, and I’ll alternate 3 and 4 pick ups every week. This hopefully keeps a bit of normality for the boys as it’s almost what happens now.

I’ve also worked out child maintenance figures, and Mr S agrees with them. He’ll be feeding them 5 out of 14 nights so I used those figures in the calculator. He will pay a little extra to cover half of things that aren’t included in that figure such as the boys’ savings, school dinners and their activities.

Even though we’ve done this before I think it’s still going to be trial and error for a while.

Honeysucklelou2

Looks like you have thought things  through which makes it so much easier for everyone. Thinking of you..

Tiredbutdetermined

I am glad you are able to discuss things and agree the big things together. I am in a much less amicable situation

enjoy your shiny new notebook. I love the exciting possibilities of a fresh new notebook.