Break up of a long term relationship

Mojisola

madwomanintraining said:

I think it's because she knows him that she doesn't really want to get involved.  I will see if an opportunity comes up again and ask her again.

If there's any risk that he could convince her to give him anything that have asked her to store for you, don't ask her. 

MovingForwards

Pick someone who only knows you or find a way to carry the important documents on you eg split open the lining a bit on a coat you wear, put things in a sandwich bag then into the lining and sow it back up.

If you work for a larger company, contact head of HR or your manager and ask if they can hold on to a few things for you or if you would normally work in premises and not from home (setting Covid aside) start filling your desk / locker with things.

Set up a new email account or use your work one, take photos of important documents and favourite photos, email them to yourself. 

elsien

Could you consider short term self storage? There is a cost but  one I googled for a small phone box size space was £25 a month which isn’t too bad for a few weeks.
Also have in your radar things like a post redirect or changing the addresses on your bank account etc so he can’t keep tabs on you via your post after you’ve gone. 

Siebrie

You seem to be doing things in the right order: you've secured a house and are mentally preparing to actually leave. I would advise to not talk to anyone who knows both of you (and is likely to only see the charm); as they say on those WW2 posters 'loose lips sink ships'. Have you called the shelter yet for advice? Maybe you can rent a locker or safe for a few months? Does your Son have a counsellor or social worker? Can they help, even if it's just for his paperwork, etc?

The fact that your partner wants to move to an isolated place is a red flag to me. You said he was annoyed that you spent more attention on your son than on him one night, and he wants to move you to the middle of nowhere? Would you have your own car there? Or would you be really stuck with no-one but him to actually interact with? Good for you for getting out!

madwomanintraining

@Siebrie We share a car which basically is his! 
I don't have a locker or desk at work so no personal space to store things.  @MovingForwards - great idea to take photos of documents etc 

sallysaver

madwomanintraining said:

sallysaver said:

madwomanintraining said:

MovingForwards said:

Hope your move is soon and important documents / photos have been moved to a different location.

Thank you - it's the end of the month.  I haven't got any where outside of the home to put things so am trying to put things together to easily grab when the time comes.  
Just want to get on with it now and sort out extra work to pay the bills - I'm emotionally exhausted today, as he is in a nasty mood.

I'm counting the days for you.  Yes it's a big step but try to think of it as the beginning of a new life for the rest of your life.  Is there any chance that you are close to a colleague at work who has a garage, shed or a spare cupboard who could help you out?  Please take what you can, you are entitled to 50/50 as a starting point.  Do you own the property where you currently live because if you do, he is in for more than one big shock.  I think you are doing really well despite the down days you will undoubtedly have.  If I was you, I would get a cheap PAYG sim card and make your current mobile number unobtainable.  I'm following your story and wishing you well.  Take care & stay safe.

Thank you so much for your support and good wishes.  I have told a colleague what I am doing and hinted at her helping me by holding onto a few bits for me but she didn't seem too keen so I haven't asked again.  I think you have a good idea about a PAYG phone as my phone is part of our family bundle with Tesco so no doubt my phone will be cut off as soon as he can do it.   

Let him cut the phone off, he's doing you a favour but make sure  your phone is unlocked to take any other supplier's sim card.  Asda are currently doing a sim only for 4p per minute, 4p per text and lowest top up is £5.  They also do a sim card for £10 for unlimited mins/text and 10gb internet.  Of course there is nothing to stop you going onto a contract phone and there are some really good deals about.  I know you have lots to think about at this stage, but honestly in the not too distant future, you need to consider just what you are entitled to in the split.  Please don't walk away with nothing.  I'd be taking him to the cleaners, but that's just me.  Be strong!

Siebrie

For your mental benefit: what helps me in times of stress is to allocate myself a 'worry-hour', say 8-9pm every day. If during the day I notice that I start worrying, I tell the worry to go away and return at 8. Then at 8pm I sit down with pen and paper to 'worry', and usually nothing comes. I make a to-do list (and sometimes a to-don't list) and write down the steps to take, sometimes really small ones.

In your case, I would make them so small as to get away with them unnoticed (for instance 'move ID to wallet', 'scan ID and send to work email', 'make personal folder in work email', and if your employer is really strict about personal stuff on work computers: 'discuss with HR to temporarily store personal stuff on computer').

madwomanintraining

@Siebrie Thank you for the good advice. 

pinkshoes

Do you have your own car? e.g. if you drive to work you could take a few bits with you each time and keep them in the boot of the car so you will have more stuff with you. Try and take sentimental stuff, but ultimately possessions are just stuff that can be replaced. 

If you're in Oxfordshire I'm happy to store stuff for you.

Don't forget to get a new SIM card with a new number as your other one will no doubt get cut off... these are usually free on PAYG.

Photograph important documents that you won't be able to take. Address book? 

madwomanintraining

Thank you @pinkshoes for the offer of help and good advice, unfortunately I'm not in the Oxfordshire area.