Break up of a long term relationship

madwomanintraining

RAS said:

Please speak to Women's aid or Refuge urgently. They may be able to help you leave safely. 

is there any time that your soon to be ex leaves home all day?

No he is around all the time - works from home so always around

madwomanintraining

@jennystarpepper So positive to hear you have made it out the other side of your previous life of abuse.  

jennystarpepper

madwomanintraining said:

@jennystarpepper So positive to hear you have made it out the other side of your previous life of abuse.  

Thank you, Just remember you are not on your own.  It will not be easy, but it will 100% get better.

Just a suggestion, You did ask in another post about your sister and pensions.... can you visit her to help and move small bit's out without him knowing (leave a bag at hers), things you will need to move forward... the odd pillow, sheets, towel and kitchen things?

Half of everything in the house is yours, it can help you to start in your new place.  

You can look online at your local council to see if you can get any help with housing costs / benefits for you and your son.  

Please keep posting if you have any doubts or times are difficult, we can all help.  

Keep going, you can do it, I did. X

madwomanintraining

Paid my deposit to secure the rooms today.  So glad as we are sat here in silence as he is angry with me for not spending enough time with him tonight as I chose to spend time with my Son!

MovingForwards

Hope your move is soon and important documents / photos have been moved to a different location.

madwomanintraining

MovingForwards said:

Hope your move is soon and important documents / photos have been moved to a different location.

Thank you - it's the end of the month.  I haven't got any where outside of the home to put things so am trying to put things together to easily grab when the time comes.  
Just want to get on with it now and sort out extra work to pay the bills - I'm emotionally exhausted today, as he is in a nasty mood.

sallysaver

madwomanintraining said:

MovingForwards said:

Hope your move is soon and important documents / photos have been moved to a different location.

Thank you - it's the end of the month.  I haven't got any where outside of the home to put things so am trying to put things together to easily grab when the time comes.  
Just want to get on with it now and sort out extra work to pay the bills - I'm emotionally exhausted today, as he is in a nasty mood.

I'm counting the days for you.  Yes it's a big step but try to think of it as the beginning of a new life for the rest of your life.  Is there any chance that you are close to a colleague at work who has a garage, shed or a spare cupboard who could help you out?  Please take what you can, you are entitled to 50/50 as a starting point.  Do you own the property where you currently live because if you do, he is in for more than one big shock.  I think you are doing really well despite the down days you will undoubtedly have.  If I was you, I would get a cheap PAYG sim card and make your current mobile number unobtainable.  I'm following your story and wishing you well.  Take care & stay safe.

madwomanintraining

sallysaver said:

madwomanintraining said:

MovingForwards said:

Hope your move is soon and important documents / photos have been moved to a different location.

Thank you - it's the end of the month.  I haven't got any where outside of the home to put things so am trying to put things together to easily grab when the time comes.  
Just want to get on with it now and sort out extra work to pay the bills - I'm emotionally exhausted today, as he is in a nasty mood.

I'm counting the days for you.  Yes it's a big step but try to think of it as the beginning of a new life for the rest of your life.  Is there any chance that you are close to a colleague at work who has a garage, shed or a spare cupboard who could help you out?  Please take what you can, you are entitled to 50/50 as a starting point.  Do you own the property where you currently live because if you do, he is in for more than one big shock.  I think you are doing really well despite the down days you will undoubtedly have.  If I was you, I would get a cheap PAYG sim card and make your current mobile number unobtainable.  I'm following your story and wishing you well.  Take care & stay safe.

Thank you so much for your support and good wishes.  I have told a colleague what I am doing and hinted at her helping me by holding onto a few bits for me but she didn't seem too keen so I haven't asked again.  I think you have a good idea about a PAYG phone as my phone is part of our family bundle with Tesco so no doubt my phone will be cut off as soon as he can do it.   

Mojisola

madwomanintraining said:

I have told a colleague what I am doing and hinted at her helping me by holding onto a few bits for me but she didn't seem too keen so I haven't asked again. 

Did she understand your hints?  If she hasn't any experience of what someone needs to do before they leave an abusive relationship, she may not realise that you need to store paperwork, etc, safely just as an interim measure.

I would ask outright - start with "I'll understand if you don't want to do this but ..." to give her a let-out if she really doesn't want to get involved.

madwomanintraining

I think it's because she knows him that she doesn't really want to get involved.  I will see if an opportunity comes up again and ask her again.