Break up of a long term relationship

maman

Who's house is he selling? Surely you have a financial interest after all these years? 🤔

sassyblue

Well done for leaving I think you are very brave and wish you well.

You could also say “you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors” because it’s very true.

Nobody leaves a 30 year relationship lightly so don’t take any detrimental comments to heart, they aren’t in possession of all the facts, there are two sides to every story.

davelewis

Well done for having the strength to leave. You are very brave and things will work out for you. 

MovingForwards

Take it one day at a time. You've taken a big step moving and starting over.

Do look up women's aid and other sites mentioned, it's not just for people trying to start over, but also for those who need support afterwards too.

Life does get better, things will change for you and slowly confidence and a routine will fall into place. Start small, plan what you want to do with your day, create lists of things you want to do and tick them off.

Treat yourself to a pamper afternoon, buy or make a face pack and paint your nails your favourite colour, the poundshops do nail varnish and it does the job. Have a long bath with bubbles or shower. Do a crossword, read a book, watch TV. The main thing is you do something for you.

I moved into a flat share and would plug headphones into my phone to listen to my favourite music while out, when doing the shopping, on the bus etc. Tinted glasses takes the edge off eye contact. It created a little bubble world for me and I felt safe and protected. I set an overall goal of buying my own home and had little plans in between. 

madwomanintraining

MovingForwards said:

Take it one day at a time. You've taken a big step moving and starting over.

Do look up women's aid and other sites mentioned, it's not just for people trying to start over, but also for those who need support afterwards too.

Life does get better, things will change for you and slowly confidence and a routine will fall into place. Start small, plan what you want to do with your day, create lists of things you want to do and tick them off.

Treat yourself to a pamper afternoon, buy or make a face pack and paint your nails your favourite colour, the poundshops do nail varnish and it does the job. Have a long bath with bubbles or shower. Do a crossword, read a book, watch TV. The main thing is you do something for you.

I moved into a flat share and would plug headphones into my phone to listen to my favourite music while out, when doing the shopping, on the bus etc. Tinted glasses takes the edge off eye contact. It created a little bubble world for me and I felt safe and protected. I set an overall goal of buying my own home and had little plans in between. 

Good to hear there is light at the end of the tunnel - did you manage to get your own home in the end?

MovingForwards

My circumstances were different to yours, my ex was an alcoholic and selfish, he turned into a bigger bottom hole after I had an accident which left me disabled, with chronic pain, struggling to walk and doing everyday things and on a combination of meds. Aside from 2 weeks shortly afterwards, I've remained in employment, even when quitting jobs I've secured another quickly. I had been with my ex all my adult life when I called time, packed my car and drove all night to start afresh. There was a lot of 'baggage' from my childhood I left behind, for the first time ever I did feel safe.

I started my life over 5 years ago this year, heavily in debt, enough money for rent and food for a few months and no job. Got offered a job the day after moving and set about saving every penny possible while clearing my debt. On Saturday I would have been in my own home a year.

As time moved on:
I smile and my whole face lights up.
My new friends were surprised I do have a laugh.
My old friends can't believe how young I look and how relaxed I am in photos.

Now I listen to music because I feel like it.
I go to the shops and dont buy things by choice.
Every now and again a buy big T-bone steaks.
After a stressful day at work I go to my garden and it melts away.
I'm also engaged to the most nicest guy ever and my cat approves of him; she never liked my ex.

I refer to things as my new life and my old life (existence really), my old life feels like it was someone else's and I've crammed a lot into my new one, travelled roads of discovery and have such wide eyes when going to new places.

madwomanintraining

That's so encouraging to hear how much your life has changed for the better - thank you for sharing, and happy anniversary for Saturday! I now have money woes but feel it's nothing to being miserable every day and the thought of spending the rest of my life like the last 30 years!

MovingForwards

Thank you, things will get turned around. For now it's very early days.

What I did was open an account purely for my debts to come from and to allow me to save a bit more towards getting them cleared.
I also opened a savings account and did the 1p and 52 weeks savings challenges.
Neither account were with my wages bank to give that conscious decision to move and spend the money.

I had a spreadsheet detailing my income, bills and regular outgoings and debt payments.
On another tab of my spreadsheet I detailed my debts, debt savings and normal savings.

Even now I'm still using my spreadsheets, moving everything 99p and under to savings when bills come out or I use my debit card. I treat my bulk start of the month savings as a bill, then if I don't spend any / all of a weekly allocated budget I move it to savings and it all helps it grow.

The debt free wannabe board is great for picking up hints and tips. 

madwomanintraining

I am going to have to get super organised to stay afloat financially.  Thanks for the tips @MovingForwards - I will start exploring the boards to see what will work for me.

MovingForwards

You're sounding more positive already!