Long term cohabitation dilemma

[Deleted User]

But landlords who ask their lodger to share their bed are meant to let them off the rent.

That's what the newspaper exposés say, anyway!

Annabee

She's not even getting a room of her own though, is she? As true lodgers do. And she's probably sharing a bed with her 'landlord'. Meanwhile he is very deliberately making sure she has no opportunity to build any financial security for herself, whilst massively benefiting himself from the current arrangements. Awful person. 

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Whether he is or is not an awful person has no bearing on whether, if she moved out, she would find herself £500 a month worse off living in a terrible flat and struggling to pay her mortgage.  If that is the case than she may be better placed to build financial security by staying with this arrangement .  He could be doing a lot more at no cost to himself, yes, but whether he is an awful person and she shouldn't stay with him is not really a question for a financial message board; and it certainly doesn't need me to say it after 13 pages of people saying the same thing.  What I am trying to ascertain if if she is financially better off in this arrangement than living in her flat.

GHolmesAdmin

Got half way through and it became repetitive, battle lines drawn so to speak. I would move a couple of cities away and into any old bedsit as a starting point and move along from there, better bedsit in 6 months, and so on. Live in the solution not the problem, you can't alter the past. I would hesitate to evict the tenants in your flat, but I would raise the rent to a market level. Oh and don't leave your forwarding details, get you mail redirected. Once you have time alone to think endless opportunities present themselves.

[Deleted User]

ScorpiondeRooftrouser said:

Whether he is or is not an awful person has no bearing on whether, if she moved out, she would find herself £500 a month worse off living in a terrible flat and struggling to pay her mortgage.  If that is the case than she may be better placed to build financial security by staying with this arrangement .  He could be doing a lot more at no cost to himself, yes, but whether he is an awful person and she shouldn't stay with him is not really a question for a financial message board; and it certainly doesn't need me to say it after 13 pages of people saying the same thing.  What I am trying to ascertain if if she is financially better off in this arrangement than living in her flat.

If you’re that interested you would have read all the OP’s posts on this thread. The OP already owns a property which she lets at a sort of loss in that the rent doesn’t cover the mortgage payment but the mortgage payment does include capital repayments. The OP could have used the £70k+ she has given her partner in rent and home improvements, for a property she doesn’t own, to have increased the equity in her own property. The utilities and food don’t seem to be split evenly either in favour of the partner so overall she would appear financially worse off with this arrangement whilst he is profiteering. 

Slinky

OP if you had a friend who was describing this living arrangement to you, as being how they were living, what would you advise they do?

Change the things you cannot accept, accept the things you cannot change. Don't waste another 15 years on this man. He's barely worth another 15 minutes.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Lover_of_Lycra said:

ScorpiondeRooftrouser said:

Whether he is or is not an awful person has no bearing on whether, if she moved out, she would find herself £500 a month worse off living in a terrible flat and struggling to pay her mortgage.  If that is the case than she may be better placed to build financial security by staying with this arrangement .  He could be doing a lot more at no cost to himself, yes, but whether he is an awful person and she shouldn't stay with him is not really a question for a financial message board; and it certainly doesn't need me to say it after 13 pages of people saying the same thing.  What I am trying to ascertain if if she is financially better off in this arrangement than living in her flat.

If you’re that interested you would have read all the OP’s posts on this thread. The OP already owns a property which she lets at a sort of loss in that the rent doesn’t cover the mortgage payment but the mortgage payment does include capital repayments. The OP could have used the £70k+ she has given her partner in rent and home improvements, for a property she doesn’t own, to have increased the equity in her own property. The utilities and food don’t seem to be split evenly either in favour of the partner so overall she would appear financially worse off with this arrangement whilst he is profiteering. 

She may have received more in rental income for the flat she is not living in than she has given her partner.  That is the question I am asking.  Whether the rent she receives covers her mortgage payments is immaterial; what matters is whether it exceeds the amount she is paying out on her own rent and bills.  If she moved back into her flat she would lose that rental income.

[Deleted User]

Wow that was some read. 

I'm not quite sure what else I can add that hasn't already been said. Financial arrangements between co-habiting couples is a bit of a moot point. Rarely will both of the individuals be on equal financial footing and usually requires some form of understanding and support from either partner. 

But, it appears that the issue goes much deeper than just financial disagreements and your responses have, to me, revealed some very disturbing things about your relationship, which I think you perhaps sub-conciously really came here looking for advice on?

I am sorry OP, but I don't really think anyone can give you the solution you came here looking for. You have a choice you need to make and I hope whatever choice that is, it will be one that will make you happy in the long term. 

Viking_warrior

Thanks again to everyone. I did genuinely cone here thinking people might murmur something about fairness, but I'd get suggestions about best ways to make money to increase mortgage payments and whether I'm better off selling my flat now even with tenant to buy a house to rent instead that may appreciate more than a leasehold etc.... so I could build my assets and leave me in a better position to invest alongside my partner.
I suppose in reality 'get rich quick' schemes and ideas dont however exist unless you win the lottery so I was clutching at straws. 
Replies did take me somewhat by surprise as I have always deferred better judgement on my financial set up to my partner who has the cards so to speak. The risk of losing my relationship has overridden any deep seated desire to push for a different arrangement and it's now I'm ageing and starting to see my own lifespan ahead of me I'm getting worried that this isnt evolving how I'd hoped. 
I'm still hoping for a miracle solution, but realising I need to champion my own future stability as my longevity here isnt guaranteed and even if it is, it still leaves me asset poor and with retirement and care issues to potentially face longer term. 
Have a horrible knot in my stomach, couple of sleepless nights and some thinking to do. 
Much appreciated all 
VW

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Viking_warrior said:

Thanks again to everyone. I did genuinely cone here thinking people might murmur something about fairness, but I'd get suggestions about best ways to make money to increase mortgage payments and whether I'm better off selling my flat now even with tenant to buy a house to rent instead that may appreciate more than a leasehold etc.... so I could build my assets and leave me in a better position to invest alongside my partner.
I suppose in reality 'get rich quick' schemes and ideas dont however exist unless you win the lottery so I was clutching at straws. 
Replies did take me somewhat by surprise as I have always deferred better judgement on my financial set up to my partner who has the cards so to speak. The risk of losing my relationship has overridden any deep seated desire to push for a different arrangement and it's now I'm ageing and starting to see my own lifespan ahead of me I'm getting worried that this isnt evolving how I'd hoped. 
I'm still hoping for a miracle solution, but realising I need to champion my own future stability as my longevity here isnt guaranteed and even if it is, it still leaves me asset poor and with retirement and care issues to potentially face longer term. 
Have a horrible knot in my stomach, couple of sleepless nights and some thinking to do. 
Much appreciated all 
VW

Can you tell us how much rent you receive for your flat?  It makes it possible to judge as to whether your current arrangement is actually the cheapest way for you to live.  Anyone who has told you that you will be better off financially by moving out without knowing that has simply made unwarranted assumptions.  Whether or not your partner is an awful person is not something I can judge from here so I will offer no opinion on that.

To put it very basically without considering tax etc, if your flat rents for £1000 a month, then your rent of £400 and bills of (let's say) £400  ( (1000 - (400 + 400)) = net income £200) would be replaced by bills of say £200 (half what you pay now, just for yourself) with no incoming or outgoing rent so an overall outgoing of £200, leaving you £400 a month worse off.  The idea that you would have more money to invest in your own property is clearly not appropriate.  The destination of the money you pay out personally is immaterial; there would be no more money going into your mortgage, creating equity,  or your bank account, than there is now.

If however your flat rents for £400 a month, you would be replacing an outgoing of £400 (400 - (400 + 400)) with a outgoing of £200, and be better off.