Found my birth mother !

MrsStepford

I do know the circumstances in which my birth mother became pregnant. She gave a statement to the adoption society and her employer gave the details in a reference for her, as well. My husband has experience of the adoption process as a father and my newly found cousin has known my mother for over twenty years and hasn't once suggested that I shouldn't get in touch. 

I think I could be waiting months for counselling, as there are a great many people out there with mental health issues, exacerbated by the lockdown. One charity told me that I could wait 15 days just for an email, another refused to do anything but face-to-face counselling and another hasn't gotten back to me in over a week.

My life was put pretty much on hold 2002-2016 while we had neighbours from Hell. I'm not prepared to put my life on hold again. I have Type 2 diabetes and I probably won't get the lifespan of my birth mother or adoptive mother, according to my GP. I want to do a lot more in my life and I'm not going to sit here, letting grass grow under my feet. 

jennystarpepper

MrsStepford said:

I do know the circumstances in which my birth mother became pregnant. She gave a statement to the adoption society and her employer gave the details in a reference for her, as well. My husband has experience of the adoption process as a father and my newly found cousin has known my mother for over twenty years and hasn't once suggested that I shouldn't get in touch. 

I think I could be waiting months for counselling, as there are a great many people out there with mental health issues, exacerbated by the lockdown. One charity told me that I could wait 15 days just for an email, another refused to do anything but face-to-face counselling and another hasn't gotten back to me in over a week.

My life was put pretty much on hold 2002-2016 while we had neighbours from Hell. I'm not prepared to put my life on hold again. I have Type 2 diabetes and I probably won't get the lifespan of my birth mother or adoptive mother, according to my GP. I want to do a lot more in my life and I'm not going to sit here, letting grass grow under my feet. 

I've been waiting for help for over a year now for help, from my first email, last Feb. ( I have found that most will only do face to face therapy) my assessment was last August. 

Thankfully shielding won't be permanent and once someone agrees to help / see talk to you it is a step in the right direction. 

I do wish you well. 

MrsStepford

UPDATE My cousin still hasn't heard from my mother. Either she's back home and uinterested in me or she's not back from her friend's yet, which seems unlikely given that she was staying there in February. So I'm carrying on with my family tree quest, but leaving it to my mother whether to get in touch or not. My experience of mothers is not a good one so I don't really care one way or the other now. 

The family tree is going well. I have found the grandson of my great-grandfather's brother plus the grandson of my grandfather's brother and the granddaughter of my great-grandfather. Plus a whole new branch of the tree in Sunderland no-one knew about. 

thepurplepixie

wannabe_a_saver said:

Mojisola said:

MrsStepford said:

My birth mother isn't trailer trash

No-one has said that she is!

And why would it matter if she were?  (I'm assuming here the snobby term 'trailer trash' is code for poor or working class)

It was how my SIL referred to her birth mother.  She wasn't trash according to my brother who liked her, she just didn't seem to be what my SIL wanted and she was vile about her and after seeking her out she refused to have anything to do with her.  I felt sorry for her, she was a single mum in the 50s so probably had to choice about her baby being adopted, never had anymore children.  She was so happy (according to my brother) to finally meet her daughter and then got cut off.  It seemed so cruel but who knows what SIL had imagined.  She didn't get on with adoptive mother either.

MrsStepford

UPDATE: My cousin hasn't heard from my mother. My cousin is upset not to have heard from her as pre-pandemic they corresponded regularly and my cousin staye with my mother in her flat in a seaside resort. Cousin R has contacted a restaurant which  she had frequented with my mother which mother eats at regularly to find out if she's been in there lately. 

I'm still working on my family tree. I have found the grandson of my grandfather's middlle brother, his son and wife and their son and daughter. It seems that the grandson of my great-grandfather's brother is dead or in a care home out of area. No-one (now have five cousins) has heard from him since 2014 but  his daughter hasn't informed anyone that he's dead either. 

Adding new ancestors with baptisms in Norfolk but also found connections to Sunderland, London, Brighton and Brixham.which need exploring. 

Have ordered my mother a small box of my favourite dairy free gluten free champagne truffles from a chocolatier in her town. Was just a spur of the moment thing. 

Mojisola

MrsStepford said:

UPDATE: My cousin hasn't heard from my mother. My cousin is upset not to have heard from her as pre-pandemic they corresponded regularly and my cousin staye with my mother in her flat in a seaside resort.

Have ordered my mother a small box of my favourite dairy free gluten free champagne truffles from a chocolatier in her town. Was just a spur of the moment thing. 

So your birth mother hasn't replied to you and has cut contact with the cousin and you still think it's a good idea to send her more stuff?

JamoLew

Leave her alone and let her make her own choices in her own time.

Trying to "force" the issue won't endear you to her and may come across at best as "needy" - at worst, well use your imagination

Mojisola

MrsStepford said:

Have ordered my mother a small box of my favourite dairy free gluten free champagne truffles from a chocolatier in her town. Was just a spur of the moment thing. 

It's struck me how similar what you're doing with your birth mother is to the way your adopted mother has been behaving towards you by continuing to contact you even though you aren't replying to her attempts at contacting you.

sheramber

Wy force your tastes on someone else.

You need to accept  that your birth mother does not want to contact you.

Also, you appear to have caused a rift between her and the cousin who acted a go between.

-taff

No, her birth mother has not contacted the cousin, the cousin is attempting to contact the birth mother to see if she's been seen recently. The OP is only buying something small that she may or may not get to give to her...