Found my birth mother !

seven-day-weekend

olgadapolga said:

I second the advice given above.

There was another poster who found her birth mother, I appreciate that the circumstances will be different but her journey is detailed in the thread.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3871947/birth-mother#latest

Thanks for bringing up the thread, I am the OP of that thread and couldn't find it.  I am going to see Mother today!  She is now 94 and although frail, is otherwise in decent health.

To the OP of this thread (which I haven't finished reading), I echo what others have said.  Be polite and quite businesslike at first .  She needs time to adjust, as well as you.  I didn't meet my birth mum till four months after the initial contact.

MrsStepford

Last week I received a parcel. My mother had wrapped up the hand-delivered chocolates and mailed them to me. They had deteriorated in the post and were inedible.

Today I received both letters to my mother, the original one which Royal Mail said that they had lost and the copy. I had to pay several pounds for each, because although she had included the original envelopes and therefore seen how much they cost to send, she only put one first class stamp on each new envelope.

Cousin R says it's a baby step to reaching out to me. I take it as a spiteful rejection of someone she doesn't even know. If she feels that my existence has blighted her life, er whose fault was that ? I didn't even know that she was alive until April. 

I don't want her spitefulness in my life as I have more than enough from the adoptive mother married to her friend. My mother and adoptive father broke adoption society rules, to get me adopted by him. 

I'm going to tell het not to contact me again. 

BrassicWoman

I'm going to tell her not to contact me again. 

I am sorry you did not get a positive reaction. I think you are correct, and your cousin is wide of the mark.

I don't think you need to make further contact; simply to ask for no contact. It seems she will not contact you, if you do not contact her. I would now take care of yourself first, and step back.

olgadapolga

BrassicWoman said:

I'm going to tell her not to contact me again. 

I am sorry you did not get a positive reaction. I think you are correct, and your cousin is wide of the mark.

I don't think you need to make further contact; simply to ask for no contact. It seems she will not contact you, if you do not contact her. I would now take care of yourself first, and step back.

Agree 100% with this. Do nothing as otherwise you're leaving things open for further hurt. Your birth mother is making it clear that she doesn't want contact with you, so leave it be.

I am sorry that you haven't got the reaction that maybe you hoped for.

Take care of yourself.

74jax

Do not contact her, asking her to not contact you.

She has made it clear she won't be.

I completely disagree with your cousin.  Leave it be. 

Pollycat

I'm another one in the camp of 'leave  it alone'.

Returning your gift of chocolates and both letters are a clear sign that she doesn't want any contact with you.

kayleighali

I agree with other posters, just leave things alone and try to move on.

I am genuinely sad for you that you did not get the reaction you hoped for, however, having known people who have given children up for adoption, one thing to consider is that the circumstances around conception/pregnancy/birth may have been extremely difficult for her (I don't know the circumstances obviously, not sure if you do?) and she may have taken lots of steps over the years to put things behind her. A bit like what you are doing yourself with your planned therapy.

It might just have been too difficult for her to open that door again, totally appreciate that's not your fault, but something to consider that she may not have been spiteful just to be spiteful?

I hope everything goes well for you in future and you start to feel a bit better about everything soon

Mojisola

MrsStepford said:

Last week I received a parcel. My mother had wrapped up the hand-delivered chocolates and mailed them to me. They had deteriorated in the post and were inedible.
Today I received both letters to my mother
I'm going to tell het not to contact me again.

You don't need to do that - the return of everything you have sent her is a very clear message that she doesn't want you to contact her.

Skiddaw1

I agree with the others. Time to let it go. I speak from experience. Sometimes it's far the best thing to let sleeping dogs lie.

HampshireH

Agree with all of the new comments 

She has made her point loud and clear. She doesn't need to be told not to contact you as she hasn't done so yet, she has just returned your correspondence. It's a big message perhaps cruely done