Found my birth mother !

HampshireH

Royal mail are delivering and the recorded bit isn't always being done due to covid.

It's massively skewing their tracking system for recorded items.

KxMx

I had one not done last year, 4/4 did track to show delivery more recently.

To be fair those numbers are IMO comparable to pre covid.

I've many books of stamps as compensation for non recordings on Signed For over the years! 

GaleSF63

HampshireH said:

Royal mail are delivering and the recorded bit isn't always being done due to covid.

It's massively skewing their tracking system for recorded items.

Never mind covid - it's been happening for many years. For one fairly lengthy period a few years ago, nothing I received that was recorded - and there were plenty - was ever updated. 

MrsStepford

I will be putting in a claim as the envelope included a certified copy of my change of name deed by my solicitor and several scanned copies of photos and photos of documents which are quite expensive. 

The weird thing, is that my newly found cousin was friendly and sent me original photos of my mother and grandparents and a birthday card and I sent her a framed licensed repro of a poster of the hotel where her father worked (which was actually half the cost of a decent bunch of flowers) because it would survive better than flowers or chocolates on the doorstep if she was out. 

 I've texted her the details so she can chase it, if she wants. Have also done scans of the photos she sent and posted her 6x4s of them so she has them. 

No reply.

I will redo my letter and then give my own tree a bit of a break. So far no news on whether I was christened or whether that was another lie from my adoptive parents. Parish clerk is searching their records for me. 

 Just found husband's great-grandparents getting married in Belfast last night. How a Prussian got married in Belfast, who knows ..  

sheramber

There has been no 'signed for'  since last year due to covid. The handheld machines would present a virus threat with lots of people touching them.

The postman should 'sign' on the recipient's behalf.

 
The lack of reply from your cousin may validate the comments on here that you  were doing too much , too soon.

74jax

sheramber said:

There has been no 'signed for'  since last year due to covid. The handheld machines would present a virus threat with lots of people touching them.

The postman should 'sign' on the recipient's behalf.

 
The lack of reply from your cousin may validate the comments on here that you  were doing too much , too soon.

I think the mother has recieved the documents, somehow (not sure how) worked out the cousin has been in communication and asked it to stop. 

MrsStepford

Cousin B received framed poster yesterday (8 days late) and stuck it up on the wall already. She hasn't heard from my birth mother, which makes two of us. She really likes the poster and had no idea that her father had worked there but it's all in the family narrative from Cousin A.

The copies of the original photos (sent to me by Cousin B as a birthday present) of my birth mother and grandparents were sent to Cousin B 1st class and haven't turned up after 6 days. 

We think Cousin A sent me a photo of my great grandfather's brother not my grandfather as the photo Cousin B sent is nothing like him. They both had the same name. 

Still haven't found a christening for me after adoption which is weird. Thankfully, parish clerk is looking too. 

Still waiting for a response from third adoption counselling service I have tried. They want me to do face to face but I'm shielding !

swingaloo2

Spare a thought for your birth mother here for a moment.

She has you and 2 family members trying to interfere in her life. She may not appreciate your cousins prying into her life and feeding you information. 

If I was in her place, even if I wanted to meet my adopted daughter, I would be etremely put off and annoyed by all the interference and would probably refuse contact simply because of the way it has been done.

You all need to show a little more respect for her feelings. This is not just about you.

MrsStepford

Firstly, Cousin A who told me that my birth mother was dead back in 2002 may be dead himself, as I haven't heard from him since 2010 and he hasn't updated his family tree since 2014 or he might have moved to be closer to his daughter, up north or be in a care home somewhere. His father was my great-grandfather's brother.

Cousin A wasn't in regular contact with my mother. I told him back then, that if she was alive, I didn't want him phoning her up as he wanted to do or his other cousin to notify her either, as I wanted to do it myself. That's why I refused my newly found Cousin B's offer to tell my mother. I didn't want my mother to think that everyone in the family was discussing her. 

Cousin A went off half-cocked, telling his cousin R, which really annoyed me. I really don't know whether Cousins  A and R did contact my mother behind my back, years ago. 

Remember that I was just working on my family tree and didn't expect my birth mother to be alive. The other cousin, the newly found one, is in contact with her and they are friends and Cousin B has been to stay with her. 

So, if my mother rejects me, that's fine, her choice. I certainly won't harass her in the same way that my difficult adoptive mother is doing to me. . 

If my birth mother feels ashamed of having an illegitimate child and doesn't want her friends to know, though I think that's sad, I would respect her wish not to acknowledge me to them.

I'm not stopping my family tree research as I don't need input from family members.  If other members of her/our family accept me I will keep in touch. Cousin B is warm, funny and smart and we hit it off over the phone straight away and we text. Cousin B is divorced and is moving nest year to the county next to mine, so hopefully, pandemic willing, we'll be able to meet up. 

Looking at more photos Cousin B sent me, I don't look like my mother at all, but I certainly look like her mother. Same thing with my stepdaughter. She looks nothing like my husband but she has his mother's nose and jawline. 

My adoptive parents lied, abused and manipulated me. That's not my mother's fault or mine. I want to live my own life with my husband. If my mother says no she doesn't want to know me, that's OK, I will have tried and it would be her choice. By law I can send three letters o anyone. If they ask me to stop, I have to comply.

Cousin B knows my mother much better than cousins A nd R and she's supportive of me getting in touch with my mother. 

jennystarpepper

I think people are concerned for you in a good / caring way.  The people positing comments have life experiance and are trying to help.

You have said that you are looking for adoption councelling and as you previously said you didn't want this (on your difficult mother post), shielding advice is changing, my in laws have had their second jab and will hopefully be out and about next week, hopefully you can get out soon to have face to face help.

I will say that I hope you look into the type of therapy you need, only because in this thread you mention the abuse you have suffered several times.  Please check the type of help you get is right for you, I think you need help to get over the many years of abuse you have suffered, I know you are very upset and I think you need help with this first.  Please seek proper advice as to the help you need. 


You have said, ' If my birth mother feels ashamed of having an illegitimate child and doesn't want her friends to know', it is an assumption you are making, you do not know the circumstances of how your mother became pregnant, as others have said.  If you decide to write again make it very short and be prepared either way.

I do hope things workout for you. x