Found my birth mother !

MrsStepford

You lot really jump to conclusions

My cousin heard from my mother in February and she told my cousin that she was staying with a friend. She told my cousin that she would be in touch when she got back home.

When my cousin told me that my mother is alive, back in April, she still hadn't heard from my mother since February, so the rift stuff is rubbish.

My mother doesn't keep in touch with my other four cousins at all. I didn't get my mother's address from any of the cousins. I had it from the grandson of one of my great-grandfather's brothers, who ran the local family history society. He told me that he thought my mother was dead as she didn't keep in touch with him either. 

My cousin got in touch with the restaurant where she and my mother go and they haven't seen her. 

I sent one letter to my mother in April. Royal Mail lost it. With the compensation, we bought another cartridge, printed off photos, letter and copies of documents,  to prove that I'm her daughter. I haven't sent anything else since April.

ONE letter in April is hardly a deluge. 

I chose to send my mother a small box of chocolates and made sure that they are nut and dairy free in case my mother has food intolerances or allergies. Six chocolates are hardly over the top, but it's a small treat. Unlike me, my mother doesn't have diabetes. 

The forcing my tastes comment is laughable. You assume that because my mother became pregnant when unmarried, that she came from a working class family and that I am forcing my middle class  tastes on her. My adoptive father knew my birth mother before he was married and my birth father was a university lecturer. I've got my family tree back to 1600s but my birth surname is Norman French and there are more connections to make, back to 11th century. 

 I got some good advice on my other thread but here I get nastiness. I won't be back on this thread. 

swingaloo2

Have you considered the possibility that Royal Mail did not lose the letter, its possible your mother got it and did not want to reply.

74jax

swingaloo2 said:

Have you considered the possibility that Royal Mail did not lose the letter, its possible your mother got it and did not want to reply.

I believe this happened. No signatures were happening in the pandemic. 

KxMx

Actually the post person is supposed to sign and record the delivery.
I have a Signed For letter sent in November which still hasn't progressed beyond Royal Mail stating "we've got it" as I posted it at a Post Office.
Yet as it was an application I know the recipient did get it, but no signature was given and delivery wasn't recorded due to errors by the delivery person.

sheramber

-taff said:

No, her birth mother has not contacted the cousin, the cousin is attempting to contact the birth mother to see if she's been seen recently. The OP is only buying something small that she may or may not get to give to her...

 the cousin and birth mother were in contact before the OP came on the scene.

sheramber

 The forcing my tastes comment is laughable. You assume that because my mother became pregnant when unmarried, that she came from a working class family and that I am forcing my middle class  tastes on her.

You seem obsessed with your birth mother's class. First you accuse some one of thinking she is 'trailer trash' and now that I implied she was 'working class'. 

Where did I imply that you were middle class or she was working class?

Do only middle class people buy dairy free , gluten free special chocolates?

calleyw

I think everyone needs to stop commenting on this thread.  The OP is right and we are all wrong.  So not sure the point of this thread.  let her get on with.  Its obvious her birth mother has no interest in having her daughter in her life.  because if she did then she would have been in contact.  Have you read the thread about the Op's toxic adoptive mother.  If she is not careful the OP will end up like her.

The way that this should have played out is the cousin should have had broached the subject with the OP's birth mother. To see if she was interested in having contact.  And then respect what ever the answer was. 

This is not going to end well for anyone.

Yours

Calley x

squirrelchops2

Mojisola said:

MrsStepford said:

Have ordered my mother a small box of my favourite dairy free gluten free champagne truffles from a chocolatier in her town. Was just a spur of the moment thing. 

It's struck me how similar what you're doing with your birth mother is to the way your adopted mother has been behaving towards you by continuing to contact you even though you aren't replying to her attempts at contacting you.

Mojisola you have encapsulated exactly what I wanted to say but I couldn't quite put my finger on it! 

MrsStepford I do wonder how much your adoptive mothers behaviour has influenced you and become learnt behaviour as there are some things that feel similarly narcissistic in how you describe things and things that you do that were things you hated your adoptive mother doing. It may feel harsh me saying that but I came from a household with an incredibly emotionally !!!!!! mother and have struggled for much of my life with this hence I can understand and empathise with your situation. 

MrsStepford

I did not ever call someone trailer trash. That comment came from another poster talking about her SIL's reaction when she found her birth mother. Didn't come from me.

I discovered that my mother is alive in April. I sent her a letter. It was lost so I got compensation an sent it again. That was in April. Nothing sent since until a box of six chocolates in June. 

I'm not class-obsessed, I married a man from a council estate who was working on tools when I met him. I don't like people who give themselves airs and graces, like my adoptive parents. My adoptive father was illegitimate, grew up in a house with an outside loo but looked down on my husband. He went behind my back and told my husband that he would pay for a divorce. My husband earns more than my brother, went to uni for postgrad and has loads of letters after his name but brother still looks down his nose. though he didn't go to uni, doesn't have as many letters after his name etc. 

I'm not coming back here because you're not accurate when you read and make untrue assumptions. 

swingaloo2

MrsStepford said:

I discovered that my mother is alive in April. I sent her a letter. It was lost so I got compensation an sent it again. That was in April. Nothing sent since until a box of six chocolates in June. 

Its been pointed out from several posters that its a possibility that your letter was not lost (You will have recieved compensation as there was no proof of delivery which is a very different thing), its more likely that your mother got the letter but did not reply. Yet even after sending a second letter and getting no response you still follow up with chocolates.

I'm not class-obsessed, I married a man from a council estate who was working on tools when I met him.

Read that sentence back to yourself, if its not about class then why the need to mention your husband was from a council estate.

I don't like people who give themselves airs and graces, like my adoptive parents. My adoptive father was illegitimate, grew up in a house with an outside loo but looked down on my husband. He went behind my back and told my husband that he would pay for a divorce.

My husband earns more than my brother, went to uni for postgrad and has loads of letters after his name but brother still looks down his nose. though he didn't go to uni, doesn't have as many letters after his name etc. 

Again, read that back, why does it matter who went to uni?

I'm not coming back here because you're not accurate when you read and make untrue assumptions. 

You said before that you were done with this thread but have still come back again. Perhaps it would be best to take a break from it as you are not taking on board anything that is said to you.