Found my birth mother !

sheramber

Your birth mother had made it very plain that she wants no contact with you or from you.

She ignored your letters hoping you would g away but the gift of chocolates showed her you did not intend to do that so she sent them back.

You are now hurt by that and  that is exactly what everybody was trying to protect you from but you wouldn't listen to reason.

You considered you knew better and your desire to have a relationship with her would be reciprocated.

pollypenny

sheramber said:

Your birth mother had made it very plain that she wants no contact with you or from you.

She ignored your letters hoping you would g away but the gift of chocolates showed her you did not intend to do that so she sent them back.

You are now hurt by that and  that is exactly what everybody was trying to protect you from but you wouldn't listen to reason.

You considered you knew better and your desire to have a relationship with her would be reciprocated.

I have to agree with the above.  As sad as it is, she gave you up for adoption and wants nothing to to do with you. She's not being 'spiteful' any more than you could have been considered by intruding into her life now. 

You might have reawakened lots feelings. 

MrsStepford

My birth mother ignored the adoption society's rules and colluded with a friend for him and wife to adopt me. My adoptive mother took me as a toddler, to her workplace but wouldn't tell me whether my mother was there. I don't know if my adoptive father and birth mother kept in touch after my adoption but there are earlier letters in my adoptive mother's garage, which I haven't been allowed to see. 

Posters keep saying it's a rejection of me, without thinking about the shenanigans the adults got up to. I know the story told to the adoption society by my mother and her employer. That doesn't mean it's true. 

Yes, spiteful, because she mailed me the fresh chocolates which need refrigeration and were delivered.  Secondly, she knew how much it had cost us to send the letter from the stamps on the envelope, but only put one First Class stamp on the new envelope so I had to pay £.

I am going to tell her that I am not going to put up with her spite. Whatever she feels about the past, it's not my fault. I was a baby. I don't need another toxic mother. 

74jax

MrsStepford said:

My birth mother ignored the adoption society's rules and colluded with a friend for him and wife to adopt me. My adoptive mother took me as a toddler, to her workplace but wouldn't tell me whether my mother was there. I don't know if my adoptive father and birth mother kept in touch after my adoption but there are earlier letters in my adoptive mother's garage, which I haven't been allowed to see. 

Posters keep saying it's a rejection of me, without thinking about the shenanigans the adults got up to. I know the story told to the adoption society by my mother and her employer. That doesn't mean it's true. 

Yes, spiteful, because she mailed me the fresh chocolates which need refrigeration and were delivered.  Secondly, she knew how much it had cost us to send the letter from the stamps on the envelope, but only put one First Class stamp on the new envelope so I had to pay £.

I am going to tell her that I am not going to put up with her spite. Whatever she feels about the past, it's not my fault. I was a baby. I don't need another toxic mother. 

I am at a loss, for what reason would you do this?

You won't put up with her 'spite' (which to me seems normal behaviour of someone who is be harassed) , so don't. It's not the playground where you need the lady word, that's making you a child behaving adult. 

She could go to the police with your actions. Honestly leave it be. She won't read anything or care.

Write the letter and burn it if it helps.

Think about it. If she didn't return everything, you would have carried on. It w the only way she could get you to stop. 

kayleighali

You're clearly not going to listen to any of the advice given here. You don't have another toxic mother, you have a stranger who has made it abundantly clear that she does not want contact from you.

Bear in mind when you inevitably send your letter that you are contacting an elderly lady who could, quite reasonably, approach the police for assistance with harassment - she will not know whether you will continue to send upsetting (for her) letters in the future.

Move on.

gettingtheresometime

My view is that this is one of those situations where you shouldn't do anything for at least a week...let the dust settle.

The reason I say that is that I was in one of those situations where I wanted to send an email / text to someone telling them how I felt but decided to wait - and I'm so glad I did as it could have drastically changed what has happened since for the worse.

Could it not be the case that the package & the chocolates spooked her and given time she may make overtures to you?

Mojisola

Again, can't you see how you are repeating with your birth mother the behaviour that your adopted mother displays to you?

You don't want any contact with your adopted mother but she continues to send you things - be different to her.

GBNI

OP, your birth mother could not make it any clearer she wants nothing to do with you. How would contacting her to say you don't want another toxic mother help with this situation? She doesn't want to be involved, so there is NO chance you could have another toxic mother.

I have read parts of your threads that you have going and genuinely I hope you are getting professional help for your feelings. 

Perhaps they can make you come to realise and you will stop harassing your birth mother before she goes to the police, which she would have every right to do.  

Pollycat

The OP hasn't taken any advice offered so far in this thread and I don't think she's about to start to any time soon.

Everybody except the OP could see how this was going to end.

The thread was started on 9th April and on 11th April the OP deleted her first post and amended it to:

MrsStepford said:

Please delete this thread 

I'm confused why she is still posting.

Perhaps the best option would be to contact the MSE team and ask for the whole thread to be removed.

jennystarpepper

Please take the advice that other people have given you.

@Mojisola has said the same thing I would have said. 

You are making presumptions and upsetting yourself.  The postage issue needs to be dropped, we have an old lady who has mail she didn't want .... (not your fault), you have no idea if she has long-term mental health issues, have you thought about her just panicking and shoving them back in the post, I think this is highly possible, she didn't ask for your gift.  You can't be angry with her.  

Your birth mother sadly was closing a door when she sent them back.  You need to leave her alone, this is what she is telling you to do.  Saying, ' i'm going to tell her' sounds like the spiteful voice of your adoption mother talking.... it will do you no good. 

Whatever lies or wrong information given about your adoption cannot be changed, are you not surprised they all knew things had not been done by the book? Don't forget it was all done at a time when many things like this were ignored.

Please concentrate on your own health, as i said before, ask your GP for a referral - look after yourself as it is time to move on.