Found my birth mother !

thepurplepixie

You need to be realistic.  My SIL was adopted by a well off couple, had the best of everything, top private school etc but she wasn't close to her adoptive mother.  Desperate to find her mother and was overjoyed when she did.  She didn't like her, described her as "trailer trash" and got very annoyed when she didn't take the hint and disappear again.

I'm sure it can work out well but equally it won't always be what you want.

MrsStepford

My birth mother isn't trailer trash, her family dates back to the Normans. My grandfather and great-grandfather served in Armed Forces with distinction and the latter also crops up in the Maritime Museum.

The trackable letter posted to her on the 10th has gone exactly nowhere so far. Her female cousin is the only one she has bothered to keep in touch with, for last twenty years. 

Ultimately, it doesn't matter whether my birth mother gets in touch. I will carry on putting leaves on the family tree and I will keep in touch with my cousin She was already planning a move to the county my adopted mother lives in, to be nearer her grandchildren. So we may be able to meet up eventually. 

At least, when I found out that she's alive, I goti n touch with my birth mother myself, as gently as I could, choosing records with care.

I didn't know that my adoptive father and birth mother knew each other and that my adoptive father knew my grandfather. I didn't know that my adoptive parents had lied about my birth mother's background either until I saw my adoption records. The adults intrigued to hide from the adoption society that they had known each other. I was the innocent baby, the innocent child, the adopted daughter lied to for forty years. 

So if she ends up knowing that I went to grammar school, college and uni and that I've been married for 25 yrs now, and she has some photos of me as an adult, that's closure for her, as far as I'm concerned. 

I feel sorry for her. I suspect that my adoptive father manipulated her. She has led a very quiet life and probably hasn't had a lot of things I take for granted. But I haven't sent her any presents, just a few photos. 

Mojisola

MrsStepford said:

My birth mother isn't trailer trash

No-one has said that she is!

wannabe_a_saver

Mojisola said:

MrsStepford said:

My birth mother isn't trailer trash

No-one has said that she is!

And why would it matter if she were?  (I'm assuming here the snobby term 'trailer trash' is code for poor or working class)

Pollycat

I think it's an awful way to describe someone.

Mojisola

wannabe_a_saver said:

And why would it matter if she were?  (I'm assuming here the snobby term 'trailer trash' is code for poor or working class)

It's more pejorative than that.

swingaloo2

MrsStepford said:

My birth mother isn't trailer trash, her family dates back to the Normans. My grandfather and great-grandfather served in Armed Forces with distinction and the latter also crops up in the Maritime Museum.

The trackable letter posted to her on the 10th has gone exactly nowhere so far. Her female cousin is the only one she has bothered to keep in touch with, for last twenty years. 

Ultimately, it doesn't matter whether my birth mother gets in touch. I will carry on putting leaves on the family tree and I will keep in touch with my cousin She was already planning a move to the county my adopted mother lives in, to be nearer her grandchildren. So we may be able to meet up eventually. 

At least, when I found out that she's alive, I goti n touch with my birth mother myself, as gently as I could, choosing records with care.
 
But gentle is not  what you were at all, against everything everyone on here had advised you sent her way too much

I didn't know that my adoptive father and birth mother knew each other and that my adoptive father knew my grandfather. I didn't know that my adoptive parents had lied about my birth mother's background either until I saw my adoption records. The adults intrigued to hide from the adoption society that they had known each other. I was the innocent baby, the innocent child, the adopted daughter lied to for forty years. 

Alll those years ago things were very different. Your adoptive parents will have done what they thought best at the time. As an adopted child you did not need to know all the ins and outs of the adoption procedure. You dont actually know what was said or why it was said at the time, nor do you know the exact circumstances of all those involved so you should not be too judgemental. You seem to have a deep rooted anger, all adopted children could claim to have been lied to (myself included) but without knowing the exact circumstances you cannot blame people for what they felt they had to do all those years ago.  

So if she ends up knowing that I went to grammar school, college and uni and that I've been married for 25 yrs now, and she has some photos of me as an adult, that's closure for her, as far as I'm concerned. 

You say that is closure for her.  As far as you are concerned. Again you are looking at things just from your perspective. How do you know that she is not going to be distraught by recieving your letter and photos and that you may have opened a massive can of worms by going in gung-ho rather than slowly and gently.  It may be anything but 'closure' for her. 

I feel sorry for her. I suspect that my adoptive father manipulated her. She has led a very quiet life and probably hasn't had a lot of things I take for granted. But I haven't sent her any presents, just a few photos. 

So many assumptions on your part. You know nothing about this lady and its so wrong of you to assume things.

I think you are very confused by the outcome you want from all this.

MrsStepford

I wrote, I sent it First Class Signed For and Royal Mail lost it. 

facemask

MrsStepford said:

I wrote, I sent it First Class Signed For and Royal Mail lost it. 

Some people might call that an omen....

KxMx

It's possible it has been delivered but not signed for and marked as delivered on the system.
This happened to me last year.
The tracking never updated to confirm delivery or show post persons signature but it most definitely arrived.