Found my birth mother !

sheramber

I am not looking to jump into a mother-daughter relationship

Then what  are all the presents and photographs for? You don't send gifts and photographs   to someone that you do not have a close relationship with.

Your family's experience of being adopted is  irrelevant.  You and your birth mother and two totally  different people to those you have quoted.

My nephew now 50, is adopted and   he has no interest in finding or contacting or knowing anything about his birth mother.

AntoMac

@MrsStepford It’s lovely that you have hit it off with your cousin.  A lot of good has already come from finding your birth mother. Whatever happens with her from here I wish you all the best.
In a completely different way (by overhearing a couple of my aunties talking) I found out that one of my first cousins who I haven’t seen since we were about 4 or 5 works 2 minutes from where I live.  I now meet up with her regularly for outside walks and it’s been just awesome.  She’s so nice and so are her family.

MrsStepford

sheramber said:

I am not looking to jump into a mother-daughter relationship

Then what  are all the presents and photographs for? You don't send gifts and photographs   to someone that you do not have a close relationship with.

My adopted mother has a really nice cousin whom I found for her and she ignores. I'm helping him with his (her) family tree. My husband did copies of all the photos we had with adoptive mother's family in them,. I emailed all the digital photos too and I sent a box with all the Snodgrass postcards which they had sent each other and dumped on me. Postage was about £8, time a couple of weekends, but he was very very happy to get it all and that pleased us. He's really into the family tree and she isn't. 

I lived in Canada and there it was definitely the done thing to buy cakes for colleagues, send them notes or emails along the lines saw this and thought of you eg alerting them to a signing by their favourite author, the pre-order date for a TV show DVD, a gluten free biscuit recipe, a coupon for a product they love or a relevant newspaper/TV article. 

It's just being nice to people. 

HampshireH

MrsStepford said:

sheramber said:

I am not looking to jump into a mother-daughter relationship

Then what  are all the presents and photographs for? You don't send gifts and photographs   to someone that you do not have a close relationship with.

My adopted mother has a really nice cousin whom I found for her and she ignores. I'm helping him with his (her) family tree. My husband did copies of all the photos we had with adoptive mother's family in them,. I emailed all the digital photos too and I sent a box with all the Snodgrass postcards which they had sent each other and dumped on me. Postage was about £8, time a couple of weekends, but he was very very happy to get it all and that pleased us. He's really into the family tree and she isn't. 

I lived in Canada and there it was definitely the done thing to buy cakes for colleagues, send them notes or emails along the lines saw this and thought of you eg alerting them to a signing by their favourite author, the pre-order date for a TV show DVD, a gluten free biscuit recipe, a coupon for a product they love or a relevant newspaper/TV article. 

It's just being nice to people. 

This happens in the UK too.

The difference is you already have some form of relationship with these people Via the workplace.

Your birth mother is a stranger at this time. Neither in Canada or the UK would you normally buy cake and presents for strangers.

I can understand posters reservations about going in too hard and fast. And I think all posts come from a place of concern/kindness having read your previous posts.

RAS

MrsStepford

Does your birth mother know that her cousin is aware that she had a child who was adopted out?

Is she in a position to ask birth mother how she would feel if her daughter made contact?

Mojisola

RAS said:

MrsStepford

Does your birth mother know that her cousin is aware that she had a child who was adopted out?

Is she in a position to ask birth mother how she would feel if her daughter made contact?

I think it's too late for that - an earlier post implied that the full package has already been sent to the birth mother.

MovingForwards

She's also deleted her opening post so no point anyone commenting further.

What will be will be.

sheramber

Somebody who asked for opinions but didn't like the answers .

swingaloo2

She deleted the opening post a couple of days ago but is still reading and coming back to comment.

74jax

swingaloo2 said:

She deleted the opening post a couple of days ago but is still reading and coming back to comment.

The post is quoted anyway straight after. 
I don't understand why you'd delete a quoted post, but more importantly it is so helpful to that other person in the same situation who wants advice but unsure to post.