Parents gave gift and took it away

wannabe_a_saver

lady1964 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Steiner_48 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Just out of interest, how far were you expecting your sister to travel for your wedding? 

My sister got engaged a few weeks after ours and we both planned overseas weddings. She made sure hers was first - it was a lavish, expensive wedding in Italy (that my parents helped fund) and mine was just a small intimate family affair in Jamaica with just parents, sibs and a few friends (that we had to fully fund on very little budget). My other half and I went to her wedding with about a month’s notice, spent a fortune on accommodation and travel, got them a lovely wedding gift, took part in the 4 day affair to celebrate. We gave her two years notice for ours and she let us down a few weeks before we were due to leave. We also never got a wedding gift from her or my parents. So that doesn’t help the situation....

Ah ok, I did wonder.  While it definitely sounds like your parents have been unfair to you, it is never acceptable to pressure somebody to spend money travelling abroad to attend your wedding, even if you chose to do so for theirs. 

Not to give a wedding present to your brother is very unkind unless the relationship has completely broken down and you aren't in contact. 

It doesn’t read to me that the OP put pressure on his family to attend his/her wedding and if you re-read the post, the OP said their parents and sister didn’t get them a wedding gift. Maybe the parents felt their attendance at the wedding in Jamaica was gift enough but the sister should definitely have bought them a gift, even if it was just a bottle of fizz or something like that.

If you read my post you'll see I agree about the gift. 

I don't think its ever fair to be upset with people for not attending a wedding abroad though, even a sibling. 

sammyjammy

Seriously, even taking the money out of the scenario the treatment of these siblings and the difference is appalling, I think I would walk away, there sounds like there is no love from the parents at all, I wouldn't be able to take the pain of that anymore.

MrsStepford

Steiner_48 said:

My parents gave me and my sibling £100K as a gift each a number of years ago. For my older sibling, there were no strings attached and she was free to go about her life with her gift, buy the house she wanted etc. For me, as I was younger and single at the time, my parents advised me to put the money into a property to share with them (in their name) as an investment for them as a second property, but for me to sell when I’m ready to use the money for a house of my own. I very naively said yes and went along with it as I trusted they wouldn’t shaft me later down the line. Now I have a family of my own and would like to use the gift so I can buy a house, but they don’t want to sell the property or give the gift back as they like having a second home. I feel betrayed as I have now been told I won’t get it until they pass away, so it is essentially now just inheritance, where as my sibling had their gift with no strings attached. I’m at a loss on what to do here, let it go to save a relationship with my parents or to take further action to fight for my family, and potentially damage the relationship forever.

All advice welcomed!

The max they can give to a family member other than spouse is £5000 per year I think and they then have to survive seven years. You should read up on inheritance tax and capital gains tax as I reckon they owe HMRC money.

74jax

MrsStepford said:

Steiner_48 said:

My parents gave me and my sibling £100K as a gift each a number of years ago. For my older sibling, there were no strings attached and she was free to go about her life with her gift, buy the house she wanted etc. For me, as I was younger and single at the time, my parents advised me to put the money into a property to share with them (in their name) as an investment for them as a second property, but for me to sell when I’m ready to use the money for a house of my own. I very naively said yes and went along with it as I trusted they wouldn’t shaft me later down the line. Now I have a family of my own and would like to use the gift so I can buy a house, but they don’t want to sell the property or give the gift back as they like having a second home. I feel betrayed as I have now been told I won’t get it until they pass away, so it is essentially now just inheritance, where as my sibling had their gift with no strings attached. I’m at a loss on what to do here, let it go to save a relationship with my parents or to take further action to fight for my family, and potentially damage the relationship forever.

All advice welcomed!

The max they can give to a family member other than spouse is £5000 per year I think and they then have to survive seven years. You should read up on inheritance tax and capital gains tax as I reckon they owe HMRC money.

You reckon completely wrong. 

Keep_pedalling

MrsStepford said:

Steiner_48 said:

My parents gave me and my sibling £100K as a gift each a number of years ago. For my older sibling, there were no strings attached and she was free to go about her life with her gift, buy the house she wanted etc. For me, as I was younger and single at the time, my parents advised me to put the money into a property to share with them (in their name) as an investment for them as a second property, but for me to sell when I’m ready to use the money for a house of my own. I very naively said yes and went along with it as I trusted they wouldn’t shaft me later down the line. Now I have a family of my own and would like to use the gift so I can buy a house, but they don’t want to sell the property or give the gift back as they like having a second home. I feel betrayed as I have now been told I won’t get it until they pass away, so it is essentially now just inheritance, where as my sibling had their gift with no strings attached. I’m at a loss on what to do here, let it go to save a relationship with my parents or to take further action to fight for my family, and potentially damage the relationship forever.

All advice welcomed!

The max they can give to a family member other than spouse is £5000 per year I think and they then have to survive seven years. You should read up on inheritance tax and capital gains tax as I reckon they owe HMRC money.

You are the one who needs to read up on those things, you could not be more wrong.

Keep_pedalling

sammyjammy said:

Seriously, even taking the money out of the scenario the treatment of these siblings and the difference is appalling, I think I would walk away, there sounds like there is no love from the parents at all, I wouldn't be able to take the pain of that anymore.

I agree, this is a toxic relationship and they are poisoning your life, which is worse than the money situation. I would not question them again, I would simply withdraw contact to the absolute minimum, and just get on with your own life. 

Pollycat

MrsStepford said:

The max they can give to a family member other than spouse is £5000 per year I think and they then have to survive seven years. You should read up on inheritance tax and capital gains tax as I reckon they owe HMRC money.

A number of posters have disagreed with the above.

I'll just make the point that any money that you believe should be paid by the OP's parents to HMRC is nothing to do with the OP.

And therefore they should not concern themselves with reading up on anything.

Unless you are obliquely suggesting that the OP report his parents to HMRC?

Newly_retired

There is nothing to report.

barbiedoll

OP, maybe you should try playing the game their way. Sweet talk them into "lending" you the money for a deposit for the new home that you need. Make sure that the money is handed over as a gift, do not let them have their names on any documentation regarding your house. Then when they ask for it back, just tell them to take it out of what they owe you.

I can't understand how parents can treat their children so badly. People who don't have money, think that those that do are able to provide whatever their children want or need. In reality, wealth is used as a bribe, or as a means of keeping control over the lives of the recipients. It must be dreadful for OP, and others who have been treated this way, to feel as though you aren't good enough for your parents, unlike your "golden" sibling. (Who, despite her greater earnings, and large cash gifts, still can't manage her income without having to blag even more money from her parents)

Keeping your distance from your parents is probably all you can do to preserve your mental well-being. Maybe they will notice, possibly they won't, either way, you'll be no worse off.

Steiner_48

Thanks everyone for your responses, they’ve all been very helpful. I’ll definitely be keeping my distance from my parents and sister in the future. Almost a month has gone by with no attempts of contact from either party, and I can honestly say I am a happier person. I’m now just looking forward and focusing on my own family, who are the most important thing. Thanks all.