Parents gave gift and took it away

Steiner_48

My parents gave me and my sibling £100K as a gift each a number of years ago. For my older sibling, there were no strings attached and she was free to go about her life with her gift, buy the house she wanted etc. For me, as I was younger and single at the time, my parents advised me to put the money into a property to share with them (in their name) as an investment for them as a second property, but for me to sell when I’m ready to use the money for a house of my own. I very naively said yes and went along with it as I trusted they wouldn’t shaft me later down the line. Now I have a family of my own and would like to use the gift so I can buy a house, but they don’t want to sell the property or give the gift back as they like having a second home. I feel betrayed as I have now been told I won’t get it until they pass away, so it is essentially now just inheritance, where as my sibling had their gift with no strings attached. I’m at a loss on what to do here, let it go to save a relationship with my parents or to take further action to fight for my family, and potentially damage the relationship forever.

All advice welcomed!

Sea_Shell

To be honest I'm not sure there is anything you can do, sorry.

They promised you £100k, but then got you to agree to put this money into a second home instead, but you're not on the deeds?

Have you at least had some use out of this second home, to live in or for holidays?

AskAsk

the way i see it, it was never yours as they obviously didn't plan to give you control of it as they never put your name on the property deed, and now, they still don't want you to have control of it.  maybe they don't trust you to use it wisely, like your sister.

make the best of it and just wait patiently until they do decide to give you the money.  it is their money after all and they have decided not to pass it to you yet.

theoretica

How documented was this arrangement?  If it was just done by private arrangement about all you can do is explain how this has made you feel.

wannabe_a_saver

Yeah that was a really crappy thing for your parents to do, I'm sorry they treated you like that.  There is nothing you can do about it now though except get on with your life, enjoy your family.  Don't forget and never trust their word again basically. 

burlingtonfl6

wannabe_a_saver said:

Yeah that was a really crappy thing for your parents to do, I'm sorry they treated you like that.  There is nothing you can do about it now though except get on with your life, enjoy your family.  Don't forget and never trust their word again basically. 

Bit of an over reaction.

HampshireH

burlingtonfl6 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Yeah that was a really crappy thing for your parents to do, I'm sorry they treated you like that.  There is nothing you can do about it now though except get on with your life, enjoy your family.  Don't forget and never trust their word again basically. 

Bit of an over reaction.

I mean.... In the context given, as the disadvantaged sibling it would definitely feel like preferential treatment of the elder sibling. I think most would feel slighted by it at best and thoroughly outraged at worst at being treated so differently to their sibling.

100k is hardly a tenner in the back pocket. And a gift is a gift. However in this case they never actuall gifted it to the OP. They just dangled the carrot

burlingtonfl6

HampshireH said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Yeah that was a really crappy thing for your parents to do, I'm sorry they treated you like that.  There is nothing you can do about it now though except get on with your life, enjoy your family.  Don't forget and never trust their word again basically. 

Bit of an over reaction.

I mean.... In the context given, as the disadvantaged sibling it would definitely feel like preferential treatment of the elder sibling. I think most would feel slighted by it at best and thoroughly outraged at worst at being treated so differently to their sibling.

100k is hardly a tenner in the back pocket. And a gift is a gift. However in this case they never actuall gifted it to the OP. They just dangled the carrot

Maybe, but look at it this way. If the OP had been given the money at the time it would probably be gone now (there's a reason the parents did what they did)
We also don't know the full story so statements like '' never trust them again'' might not be justified (just putting it out there) 

Sea_Shell

burlingtonfl6 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Yeah that was a really crappy thing for your parents to do, I'm sorry they treated you like that.  There is nothing you can do about it now though except get on with your life, enjoy your family.  Don't forget and never trust their word again basically. 

Bit of an over reaction.

I don't know...."Once bitten, twice shy" and all that.    I'm not sure I'd trust my parents again if they'd done something like that to me either, especially when I was much younger.   (we don't know how old OP was at the time, and how old they are now?)

I am wise now to not expect anything "promised" by anyone, until it actually happens.     £100k is a rather large wedge of cash to have pulled out from under you like that.   

Dangled Carrot sums it up nicely.   Be seen to be being fair at the time.     But in reality you've been stitched up good and proper.

burlingtonfl6

Sea_Shell said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Yeah that was a really crappy thing for your parents to do, I'm sorry they treated you like that.  There is nothing you can do about it now though except get on with your life, enjoy your family.  Don't forget and never trust their word again basically. 

Bit of an over reaction.

I don't know...."Once bitten, twice shy" and all that.    I'm not sure I'd trust my parents again if they'd done something like that to me either, especially when I was much younger.   (we don't know how old OP was at the time, and how old they are now?)

I am wise now to not expect anything "promised" by anyone, until it actually happens.     £100k is a rather large wedge of cash to have pulled out from under you like that.   

Dangled Carrot sums it up nicely.   Be seen to be being fair at the time.     But in reality you've been stitched up good and proper.

I've known people given huge amounts of money at a young age and they had drink and drug issues. It was gone in a matter of months.
 We have limited information so it's hard to say that the parents are out of order in the way they acted back then and possibly in the way they're acting now.
In my opinion, I don't think we can form an opinion on the story given so far.

Steiner_48

I can confirm no drug or other related issues. Always paid bills on time and treated them with respect as my parents. In fact I have even given money to my older sibling in the past when she needed it, not realising that I wouldn’t get my wedge of the money when my time came. My family and I always had a great relationship prior to this happening, which is partly why I trusted them in the first place and I am so beyond gutted now.

Thanks for all your advice, I appreciate it!