Parents gave gift and took it away

Sea_Shell

burlingtonfl6 said:

Sea_Shell said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Yeah that was a really crappy thing for your parents to do, I'm sorry they treated you like that.  There is nothing you can do about it now though except get on with your life, enjoy your family.  Don't forget and never trust their word again basically. 

Bit of an over reaction.

I don't know...."Once bitten, twice shy" and all that.    I'm not sure I'd trust my parents again if they'd done something like that to me either, especially when I was much younger.   (we don't know how old OP was at the time, and how old they are now?)

I am wise now to not expect anything "promised" by anyone, until it actually happens.     £100k is a rather large wedge of cash to have pulled out from under you like that.   

Dangled Carrot sums it up nicely.   Be seen to be being fair at the time.     But in reality you've been stitched up good and proper.

I've known people given huge amounts of money at a young age and they had drink and drug issues. It was gone in a matter of months.
 We have limited information so it's hard to say that the parents are out of order in the way they acted back then and possibly in the way they're acting now.
In my opinion, I don't think we can form an opinion on the story given so far.

Oh we'll always have opinions based on the information given, if taken at face value.     

Yes, we don't know the full back story, or the age of the OP both now and then.   Maybe they were a reckless teenager, or a sensible 20 yr old.     Maybe their parents are fully justified in what they did.   That doesn't stop it from leaving a bad taste from what the OP has posted.    They must be pretty upset to have posted here for starters.

*ETA Crossed post with the OP*

Pollycat

HampshireH said:

I mean.... In the context given, as the disadvantaged sibling it would definitely feel like preferential treatment of the elder sibling. I think most would feel slighted by it at best and thoroughly outraged at worst at being treated so differently to their sibling.

100k is hardly a tenner in the back pocket. And a gift is a gift. However in this case they never actuall gifted it to the OP. They just dangled the carrot

My 2 siblings have had far more financial support (I'm not talking anything like £100k) from my parents than I have. I'm the eldest of the 3.

It's never bothered me one bit. In fact, I've actively encouraged it in the past.

I can see how the OP would feel slighted though, on the face of things it does sound unfair and somewhat selfish of the parents to want to keep a 'second home'.

We don't know the age of the elder sibling.

We don't know the circumstances regarding the gift to the OP.

There may be a valid reason why the OP's parents have acted as they did.

We don't know what was said in the conversation between the OP and his/her parents when they asked for the £100K to put towards a house purchase.

The question of taking 'further action' is a non-starter.

thegentleway

Steiner_48 said:

not realising that I wouldn’t get *my* wedge of the money when my time came.

It’s not your money though... It’s your parents money and it seems they have changed their mind. From what you’ve said, it does seem a bit harsh but nothing you can do about it apart from make it worse by getting into a strop and trying to fight it.

HampshireH

Pollycat said:

HampshireH said:

I mean.... In the context given, as the disadvantaged sibling it would definitely feel like preferential treatment of the elder sibling. I think most would feel slighted by it at best and thoroughly outraged at worst at being treated so differently to their sibling.

100k is hardly a tenner in the back pocket. And a gift is a gift. However in this case they never actuall gifted it to the OP. They just dangled the carrot

My 2 siblings have had far more financial support (I'm not talking anything like £100k) from my parents than I have. I'm the eldest of the 3.

It's never bothered me one bit. In fact, I've actively encouraged it in the past.

I can see how the OP would feel slighted though, on the face of things it does sound unfair and somewhat selfish of the parents to want to keep a 'second home'.

We don't know the age of the elder sibling.

We don't know the circumstances regarding the gift to the OP.

There may be a valid reason why the OP's parents have acted as they did.

We don't know what was said in the conversation between the OP and his/her parents when they asked for the £100K to put towards a house purchase.

The question of taking 'further action' is a non-starter.

I guess the difference is your parents didn't give you all the same amount (in theory) then take you amount away.

If you thought you had 100k to rely on when you were married with child and then they said nah we are keeping it now it's a bit different

Keep_pedalling

Have you parents included anything in their wills to even things up when they die ( not that that is guaranteed, it could all be gone by the time that happens)?

What your parents have done is both cruel and hurtful, and I suspect the suggestion to buy this house was made for selfish reasons rather than anything to do with your age at the time. They could still have purchased it for their own use and given both of you £50k each. 

burlingtonfl6

Are you married now OP? How long has it been? Do your parents get on with your wife?
I have a relative who bought properties for each of his 3 children to live in but he keeps them in his name until his children are married for a decent length of time. 

Keep_pedalling

burlingtonfl6 said:

Are you married now OP? How long has it been? Do your parents get on with your wife?
I have a relative who bought properties for each of his 3 children to live in but he keeps them in his name until his children are married for a decent length of time. 

I hope he is aware that this could cost him big time in capital gains tax when he eventually transfers them. Probably a bad move fro an IHT perspective as well. 

burlingtonfl6

Keep_pedalling said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Are you married now OP? How long has it been? Do your parents get on with your wife?
I have a relative who bought properties for each of his 3 children to live in but he keeps them in his name until his children are married for a decent length of time. 

I hope he is aware that this could cost him big time in capital gains tax when he eventually transfers them. Probably a bad move fro an IHT perspective as well. 

He is a multi millionaire and has been for longer than I've been alive.
He'll be one step ahead.

NBLondon

Keep_pedalling said:

Have you parents included anything in their wills to even things up when they die ( not that that is guaranteed, it could all be gone by the time that happens)?

Definitely check about wills...

burlingtonfl6

Is it possible their financial position has changed and you don't know about it?