Parents gave gift and took it away

justworriedabit

Steiner_48 said:

My parents gave me and my sibling £100K as a gift each a number of years ago. For my older sibling, there were no strings attached and she was free to go about her life with her gift, buy the house she wanted etc. For me, as I was younger and single at the time, my parents advised me to put the money into a property to share with them (in their name) as an investment for them as a second property, but for me to sell when I’m ready to use the money for a house of my own. I very naively said yes and went along with it as I trusted they wouldn’t shaft me later down the line. Now I have a family of my own and would like to use the gift so I can buy a house, but they don’t want to sell the property or give the gift back as they like having a second home. I feel betrayed as I have now been told I won’t get it until they pass away, so it is essentially now just inheritance, where as my sibling had their gift with no strings attached. I’m at a loss on what to do here, let it go to save a relationship with my parents or to take further action to fight for my family, and potentially damage the relationship forever.

All advice welcomed!

A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish.
I know someone that was gifted a house as parents doing well. Thier child moved in and rented out a room but it was a big house and moved back in with his family in their big house as he missed the family. Sadly, business started to go wrong for the parents and they took the house back and he felt he had to sign it over. not sure re exact worth but it was a det 4 bed house built around the year 2000.

I would never gift anyone and expect it back. Yes, if i gifted someone a large amount, I may think twice next time if I felt they had misued it IMO.

If anyone is in doubt re the definition of 'gift' look it up as a gift is for life as far as I'm concerned.

ps - the child was unhappy about returning it.

Sea_Shell

In OPs case, Was it ever really truly a "gift" though?

It was "promised"...but no assets actually changed hands.

Surely, it's not a gift until the asset or the money is in your hand/name or your account.

RetSol

Definitely check about wills...

Don't bank on inheriting anything, @Steiner_48.  You have been misled once, don't let it happen again. 

Make your own way in life and stand on your own two feet. 

Your perception is that the gift to your sister had no strings attached.  I wonder whether that can ever be truly said of a "gift" of £100k.  The strings may not be apparent now (not even to your sister) but they may become apparent later.

You, on the other hand, owe your parents nothing.  You have had a difficult experience but now you are able to recognise their manipulations.  Time to re-evaluate your relationship with them.  It is painful but freedom is not free. 

Sea_Shell

RetSol said:

Definitely check about wills...

Don't bank on inheriting anything, @Steiner_48.  You have been misled once, don't let it happen again. 

Make your own way in life and stand on your own two feet. 

Your perception is that the gift to your sister had no strings attached.  I wonder whether that can ever be truly said of a "gift" of £100k.  The strings may not be apparent now (not even to your sister) but they may become apparent later.

You, on the other hand, owe your parents nothing.  You have had a difficult experience but now you are able to recognise their manipulations.  Time to re-evaluate your relationship with them.  It is painful but freedom is not free. 

Exactly this.   Give it time.   One day the emotional blackmail might start.    

MovingForwards

Have you got a mortgage for this house or are you on the title deeds?

jennystarpepper

Sadly not all parents treat their children the same.

Do you know if your parents have a will, if your part / all of the property is not named as yours it could be that your siblings get a further share of what was supposed to be yours?

Have you asked them if they think their actions are ok and why you are being treated this way?  Do you have a relationship with your other siblings who can tell your parents what they are doing is wrong?

 

justworriedabit

jennystarpepper said:

Sadly not all parents treat their children the same.

Sadly, at times, even parent/s have to give up on their children.  There is only so much some parents can do. I've heard of stories
from people where a so-called child is refusing to live the parental home and steal from the home/parents/siblings and violence.
Best never to expect anything until it lands at your feet with your name on it, IMO

Keep_pedalling

RetSol said:

Definitely check about wills...

Your perception is that the gift to your sister had no strings attached.  I wonder whether that can ever be truly said of a "gift" of £100k.  The strings may not be apparent now (not even to your sister) but they may become apparent later.

Well I can honestly say that there are zero strings attached to the gifts we have made to our children, but we are not control freaks as the OPs parents seem to be.

xplosiv77

I can totally relate and understand your annoyance. A vaguely similar thing happened to me, only it was my in-laws rather than parents. 

The in-laws own a second house that they were renting out. The tenant left and so they told my wife and her two siblings that they were going to sale the house and give them £20k each.  

We were so happy with the news, especially as we were at that time looking to move out of our small 2 bedroom terrace to somewhere with 3 bedrooms after our second child was born - and this windfall meant we could look at some nicer properties.

Before the in-law’s house was put on the market they got the whole family to repaint every room in the house - it took 8 of us an entire weekend of grafting.  We all busted a gut to get the house looking nice.  

Shortly after the house was put on the market at an inflated price and when there was no interest after 2 weeks, they took it off the market and rented it out again...for more rent then they got before due to it being nicely decorated! With that, the £20k went up in smoke and we had to look at cheaper houses. It left a sour taste in my mouth for quite a while! 

MalMonroe

Your sentence "they don’t want to sell the property or give the gift back as they like having a second home" made me feel really sad.

I can't believe that any parents would do such a thing. As a parent myself, it would never occur to me to treat my children so unfairly. There would be no question about selling the second property so I could keep my promise. It would have been better for them to gift you both £50k at the outset and keep the rest for themselves. 

However badly they have behaved (and they have behaved very badly), they are your parents and it's probably best not to fall out over this. Money and property are only things and people are far more important. I'd say let it go. It must be very hurtful, though. And also, I'd be prepared NOT to inherit anything when they pass away because goodness only knows what plans they've got in that respect. 

There's that boring thing that counsellors always say about you can't control how other people act but you can control how you react. Have dignity, and just look after yourself and your family and be proud that you can do so without having any helping hands. (Promised but not delivered.) In life, people do let us down, we don't expect it of our parents but everyone can surprise us. 

As RetSol says, stand on your own two feet, that way you know that you don't owe anybody anything.