Parents gave gift and took it away

Gycraig

kaMelo said:

Honestly I've never read such depressing posts in a long while. People offering suggestions to the OP ranging from being slightly miffed about it onto check they're not making up stories about you (Have we slipped into a Jeremy Kyle episode?) and eventually disowning them.
The parent's did what they did and whilst it's unfair it's only money, it comes and it goes. Parents are not around forever, the thought of spending the rest of their days in dispute/arguing with/not speaking to/disowning them because of money?   
Give me a break.

Can’t think of much worst a parent can do than give you and your sister 100k, then take yours away while she keeps Hers. 

100k could be up to 15-20 years disposable income to some people. 

wannabe_a_saver

kaMelo said:

Honestly I've never read such depressing posts in a long while. People offering suggestions to the OP ranging from being slightly miffed about it onto check they're not making up stories about you (Have we slipped into a Jeremy Kyle episode?) and eventually disowning them.
The parent's did what they did and whilst it's unfair it's only money, it comes and it goes. Parents are not around forever, the thought of spending the rest of their days in dispute/arguing with/not speaking to/disowning them because of money?   
Give me a break.

Its not only money though, its rarely actually about the money in these situations.   Its about the fact that they have treated the sister so much better and about the fact that they have essentially lied to/tricked the OP.  

Keep_pedalling

wannabe_a_saver said:

kaMelo said:

Honestly I've never read such depressing posts in a long while. People offering suggestions to the OP ranging from being slightly miffed about it onto check they're not making up stories about you (Have we slipped into a Jeremy Kyle episode?) and eventually disowning them.
The parent's did what they did and whilst it's unfair it's only money, it comes and it goes. Parents are not around forever, the thought of spending the rest of their days in dispute/arguing with/not speaking to/disowning them because of money?   
Give me a break.

Its not only money though, its rarely actually about the money in these situations.   Its about the fact that they have treated the sister so much better and about the fact that they have essentially lied to/tricked the OP.  

Agree, it is far more than about money. They may have a reason not to make a gift, but they have no reason treat the OP in such a horrible way. They have been dishonest and hurtful and although the OP will probably will get over the loss of the money, the damage to the relationship with their parents is likely to be much longer lasting, and it is certainly detrimental to their mental well-being. 

justworriedabit

kaMelo said:

Honestly I've never read such depressing posts in a long while. People offering suggestions to the OP ranging from being slightly miffed about it onto check they're not making up stories about you (Have we slipped into a Jeremy Kyle episode?) and eventually disowning them.
The parent's did what they did and whilst it's unfair it's only money, it comes and it goes. Parents are not around forever, the thought of spending the rest of their days in dispute/arguing with/not speaking to/disowning them because of money?   
Give me a break.

Good morning.
I agree with you on the whole.
People must look at it like this, it is the OP's parents money and they decide what to do. They may be having problems, may not but it is their choice.

Slightly OT but when people/family get a parents Will overturned, I find that very unsettling as it is the parents/gifters choice.
I can understand how the OP feels but it is not their money but the parents.

What you said re parents not being around forever, etc, good point.  
The OP must understand that it is not their money and it may get worse, the parents leave everything to another and it is their choice.
My parents have never promised us anything and we don't want them to - they have more money than we do and comfortable but it is no good making promises when you don't know what the future holds.
FYI and I've said it before, we never say anything until it is as good as done.

Pollycat

justworriedabit said:

Good morning.
I agree with you on the whole.
People must look at it like this, it is the OP's parents money and they decide what to do. They may be having problems, may not but it is their choice.

I agree with this.

However...in this specific instance, I think it's the disparate way the parents have treated both of their children that is the fundamental issue.

And to actually give one child money and promise to give the other the same amount of money but take it away because 'they like having a second home' is very cruel and unfair.

That doesn't sound like they are having problems.

It is very clear from the OP's post that the OP was led to believe she would have access to the money at the appropriate time - which is now.

Steiner_48 said:

For me, as I was younger and single at the time, my parents advised me to put the money into a property to share with them (in their name) as an investment for them as a second property, but for me to sell when I’m ready to use the money for a house of my own.

There have been lots of questions asked, lots of suppositions and comments made and it would be helpful if the OP would come back and clarify the situation.

justworriedabit

Keep_pedalling said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

kaMelo said:

Honestly I've never read such depressing posts in a long while. People offering suggestions to the OP ranging from being slightly miffed about it onto check they're not making up stories about you (Have we slipped into a Jeremy Kyle episode?) and eventually disowning them.
The parent's did what they did and whilst it's unfair it's only money, it comes and it goes. Parents are not around forever, the thought of spending the rest of their days in dispute/arguing with/not speaking to/disowning them because of money?   
Give me a break.

Its not only money though, its rarely actually about the money in these situations.   Its about the fact that they have treated the sister so much better and about the fact that they have essentially lied to/tricked the OP.  

Agree, it is far more than about money. They may have a reason not to make a gift, but they have no reason treat the OP in such a horrible way. They have been dishonest and hurtful and although the OP will probably will get over the loss of the money, the damage to the relationship with their parents is likely to be much longer lasting, and it is certainly detrimental to their mental well-being. 

Good morning
The highlighted bit.  You don't know that and I've yet to meet a really "horrible" parent/s. A lot of children may think their parents may not be doing the right thing as it does not got their way but your comments are well off the mark, IMO.

Let's look at it like this. I guess like the OP, I would never ask my parents for any money let alone a massive amount. Should they have done what the OP's done which mine have not, I guess I'd be a bit miffed, say something to parents - I may be or not may be happy with what they say but the bottom line, it is the parents money and I, not you, or anyone else here knows the real reason why they have not kept their promise and I very much doubt it it's to do with being "horrible."
IMO, the parents may be very hurt, distressed and it may get worse if OP keeps on at them but in no way are they being, "horrible."
Situations change and I reiterate I and my family never promise anything until it's as good as done.

Mojisola

wannabe_a_saver said:

Its not only money though, its rarely actually about the money in these situations.   Its about the fact that they have treated the sister so much better

I know someone whose parents have given one adult child a great deal of money over the years (well over the amount in this thread) and nothing at all to the other.  Whatever their reasons, it can't help but damage the relationships between parent and child and between siblings.

Pollycat

Based on this definition of 'horrible':

Horrible is popularly used to mean extremely bad—awful, dreadful, or horrendous. When it's used to describe a person, it often means extremely disagreeable or cruel.

I would say the parents have most certainly been horrible.

It's beyond cruel to do what they have done - promised money and then withheld it.

Especially when the OP says it's because they want to keep their 2nd home.

I could understand it if they were struggling with their main home but I personally don't think the OP would have said she couldn't have the money for her house because her parents want to keep their 2nd home if they hadn't actually given her that as the reason.

Bad enough to do that to an only child but to treat 2 children so differently is - imho - horrible.

Sea_Shell

One may discuss the meaning of "horrible" in the OPs case....but surely we can agree it definitely wasn't a "nice" thing to do!!!

Not all parents are "nice", not all people are "nice".    Just because you're a parent, doesn't stop you from being "horrible".

We'd like to think that parents wouldn't treat one of their children so differently, but it happens.   I've been (am) on the receiving end, so I know.   My parents aren't horrible, far from it....just misguided, short sighted, and blinkered...perhaps!?

And it's not just about money either (although in OPs case it is rather a large sum of money!!).  Parents can also be "not nice" when it comes to love, attention, help, support of many other non-financial aspects of family life.

Keep_pedalling

justworriedabit said:

Keep_pedalling said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

kaMelo said:

Honestly I've never read such depressing posts in a long while. People offering suggestions to the OP ranging from being slightly miffed about it onto check they're not making up stories about you (Have we slipped into a Jeremy Kyle episode?) and eventually disowning them.
The parent's did what they did and whilst it's unfair it's only money, it comes and it goes. Parents are not around forever, the thought of spending the rest of their days in dispute/arguing with/not speaking to/disowning them because of money?   
Give me a break.

Its not only money though, its rarely actually about the money in these situations.   Its about the fact that they have treated the sister so much better and about the fact that they have essentially lied to/tricked the OP.  

Agree, it is far more than about money. They may have a reason not to make a gift, but they have no reason treat the OP in such a horrible way. They have been dishonest and hurtful and although the OP will probably will get over the loss of the money, the damage to the relationship with their parents is likely to be much longer lasting, and it is certainly detrimental to their mental well-being. 

Good morning
The highlighted bit.  You don't know that and I've yet to meet a really "horrible" parent/s. A lot of children may think their parents may not be doing the right thing as it does not got their way but your comments are well off the mark, IMO.

Let's look at it like this. I guess like the OP, I would never ask my parents for any money let alone a massive amount. Should they have done what the OP's done which mine have not, I guess I'd be a bit miffed, say something to parents - I may be or not may be happy with what they say but the bottom line, it is the parents money and I, not you, or anyone else here knows the real reason why they have not kept their promise and I very much doubt it it's to do with being "horrible."
IMO, the parents may be very hurt, distressed and it may get worse if OP keeps on at them but in no way are they being, "horrible."
Situations change and I reiterate I and my family never promise anything until it's as good as done.

I never said the parents were horrible, but they have acted horribly, both through the unequal treatment and in breaking a promise of financial support. I also have two children and both now have very small children and I would feel a total shi Thursday if I had done this to one of them.