Parents gave gift and took it away

Pollycat

Steiner_48

Thank you for the clarification.

That is really hard to read.

I think you have been treated very badly by your parents.

I'm not 'the golden child' nor is my friend. Nor is my husband.

We have had many discussions on how our other siblings have been treated over the years.

Look after yourself and your family.

You cannot make your parents give you the money they promised.

You cannot make them treat you exactly the same as your sister.

But if it were me, I'd be distancing myself from them. Especially if it is affecting your mental health.

And I certainly wouldn't come running if they ever need your help.

Just because someone is family doesn't automatically make them nice people.

I do not subscribe to the adage "blood is thicker than water".

richardw

Pollycat said:

...I certainly wouldn't come running if they ever need your help....

I’d always help, no need to add more issues to make family relationships worse.

Pollycat

richardw said:

Pollycat said:

...I certainly wouldn't come running if they ever need your help....

I’d always help, no need to add more issues to make family relationships worse.

The OP is being treated like a 2nd class citizen who has been promised £100K and not been given it whilst her parents live the high life between 2 homes and the elder sibling has had the benefit of £100K.

How much worse could the relationship between the OP and her parents get?

As I said - I'd be distancing myself and safeguarding my mental health.

richardw

Pollycat said:

richardw said:

Pollycat said:

...I certainly wouldn't come running if they ever need your help....

I’d always help, no need to add more issues to make family relationships worse.

...How much worse could the relationship between the OP and her parents get?....

I don’t agree that family relationships reach a point of can’t get any worse, because they can and it is worth not letting them get any worse.

wannabe_a_saver

Just out of interest, how far were you expecting your sister to travel for your wedding? 

Steiner_48

wannabe_a_saver said:

Just out of interest, how far were you expecting your sister to travel for your wedding? 

My sister got engaged a few weeks after ours and we both planned overseas weddings. She made sure hers was first - it was a lavish, expensive wedding in Italy (that my parents helped fund) and mine was just a small intimate family affair in Jamaica with just parents, sibs and a few friends (that we had to fully fund on very little budget). My other half and I went to her wedding with about a month’s notice, spent a fortune on accommodation and travel, got them a lovely wedding gift, took part in the 4 day affair to celebrate. We gave her two years notice for ours and she let us down a few weeks before we were due to leave. We also never got a wedding gift from her or my parents. So that doesn’t help the situation....

wannabe_a_saver

Steiner_48 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Just out of interest, how far were you expecting your sister to travel for your wedding? 

My sister got engaged a few weeks after ours and we both planned overseas weddings. She made sure hers was first - it was a lavish, expensive wedding in Italy (that my parents helped fund) and mine was just a small intimate family affair in Jamaica with just parents, sibs and a few friends (that we had to fully fund on very little budget). My other half and I went to her wedding with about a month’s notice, spent a fortune on accommodation and travel, got them a lovely wedding gift, took part in the 4 day affair to celebrate. We gave her two years notice for ours and she let us down a few weeks before we were due to leave. We also never got a wedding gift from her or my parents. So that doesn’t help the situation....

Ah ok, I did wonder.  While it definitely sounds like your parents have been unfair to you, it is never acceptable to pressure somebody to spend money travelling abroad to attend your wedding, even if you chose to do so for theirs. 

Not to give a wedding present to your brother is very unkind unless the relationship has completely broken down and you aren't in contact. 

Steiner_48

wannabe_a_saver said:

Steiner_48 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Just out of interest, how far were you expecting your sister to travel for your wedding? 

My sister got engaged a few weeks after ours and we both planned overseas weddings. She made sure hers was first - it was a lavish, expensive wedding in Italy (that my parents helped fund) and mine was just a small intimate family affair in Jamaica with just parents, sibs and a few friends (that we had to fully fund on very little budget). My other half and I went to her wedding with about a month’s notice, spent a fortune on accommodation and travel, got them a lovely wedding gift, took part in the 4 day affair to celebrate. We gave her two years notice for ours and she let us down a few weeks before we were due to leave. We also never got a wedding gift from her or my parents. So that doesn’t help the situation....

Ah ok, I did wonder.  While it definitely sounds like your parents have been unfair to you, it is never acceptable to pressure somebody to spend money travelling abroad to attend your wedding, even if you chose to do so for theirs. 

Not to give a wedding present to your brother is very unkind unless the relationship has completely broken down and you aren't in contact. 

We offered to pay for it and certainly didn’t pressure her. 

lady1964

wannabe_a_saver said:

Steiner_48 said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Just out of interest, how far were you expecting your sister to travel for your wedding? 

My sister got engaged a few weeks after ours and we both planned overseas weddings. She made sure hers was first - it was a lavish, expensive wedding in Italy (that my parents helped fund) and mine was just a small intimate family affair in Jamaica with just parents, sibs and a few friends (that we had to fully fund on very little budget). My other half and I went to her wedding with about a month’s notice, spent a fortune on accommodation and travel, got them a lovely wedding gift, took part in the 4 day affair to celebrate. We gave her two years notice for ours and she let us down a few weeks before we were due to leave. We also never got a wedding gift from her or my parents. So that doesn’t help the situation....

Ah ok, I did wonder.  While it definitely sounds like your parents have been unfair to you, it is never acceptable to pressure somebody to spend money travelling abroad to attend your wedding, even if you chose to do so for theirs. 

Not to give a wedding present to your brother is very unkind unless the relationship has completely broken down and you aren't in contact. 

It doesn’t read to me that the OP put pressure on his family to attend his/her wedding and if you re-read the post, the OP said their parents and sister didn’t get them a wedding gift. Maybe the parents felt their attendance at the wedding in Jamaica was gift enough but the sister should definitely have bought them a gift, even if it was just a bottle of fizz or something like that.

Pollycat

richardw said:

I don’t agree that family relationships reach a point of can’t get any worse, because they can and it is worth not letting them get any worse.

So what do you consider would be worse than the situation the OP is already in?

Especially given the further clarification about both sibling's weddings.