Parents gave gift and took it away

Steiner_48

burlingtonfl6 said:

Tammykitty said:

OP - do your parents get along with you your spouse? 
Is there any reason they may think you marriage isn't going to last long time?
Maybe they are trying to protect your money in the long term?

I asked that but got no response

My spouse has never been anything but king to my parents, but she has always been a bit reserved with them as they didn’t exactly welcome her with open arms. They haven’t made much effort with any of my previous partners either as they’re quite formal people so not the easiest to warm to. My spouse and I have never had any relationship or marital issues and we’re raising a happy little family (with their only grandchild might I add!) so don’t see why my parents would have concerns. My gut says this has more to do with me living an independent life (unlike my sister who has always emotionally relied on them) than anything else...

Sea_Shell

Do they realise that by not honouring their promised gift to you, they are also potentially letting their only grandchild down too?


You could always try the "if you won't do it for me, will you at least do it for your grandchild's future" line.  See what response you get?

sassyblue

Steiner_48 said:

My spouse has never been anything but king to my parents, but she has always been a bit reserved with them as they didn’t exactly welcome her with open arms. They haven’t made much effort with any of my previous partners either as they’re quite formal people so not the easiest to warm to. My spouse and I have never had any relationship or marital issues and we’re raising a happy little family (with their only grandchild might I add!) so don’t see why my parents would have concerns. My gut says this has more to do with me living an independent life (unlike my sister who has always emotionally relied on them) than anything else...

To what extent have you discussed all this with your parents and when was the last discussion?

I think I’d be inclined to sit them both down an explain (again if needs be) how disappointed you are that your sister had her money with no strings attached whereas you felt pressured into putting the promised money in with their house purchase and actually have nothing in your name to show for it.

I hope when the time comes their Will has made provision for this and your sister won’t try and fiddle you?

Newly_retired

I wouldn’t count my chickens.

DoctorStrange

Seems to me the TL;DR version is the the OP hasn't had any gift at all, whilst the sister received £100k.

I'd be miffed at that too and would be asking the parents if that was perhaps indicative of their overall feelings, as its hard to believe it doesn't mean anything...

Gycraig

Honestly I’d just tell them how it’s made it me feel, if they don’t care just phase them out of your life and keep contact to a respectful minimal. 

BabyStepper

OP, your parents haven't given you the money because they don't want you to have it. We could speculate endlessly about the reason for this but really, all we know is they didn't want to give you it. Ouch.

They seem aware that treating your children so differently is bang out of order, so they are pretending they have given you the cash. The reality you describe is that they have bought themselves a second home with the money whilst maintaining an illusion that they treat you and your sibling equally. Which obviously they don't. 

You don't give any indication of the dynamics. Are you the fiercely independent one? Always managed well? Not in need of help? Has your sibling struggled? More in need of cash? Have you ever helped your parents out financially?

Could you find a way to correct the story, maybe ask them why they did what they did with that cash? Let them know that your family would have appreciated it, in the same way your sister's did? Find a way to make sure they're not making up stories about you (that they gave you 100k, etc), at least let them know you've noticed. 

kaMelo

Honestly I've never read such depressing posts in a long while. People offering suggestions to the OP ranging from being slightly miffed about it onto check they're not making up stories about you (Have we slipped into a Jeremy Kyle episode?) and eventually disowning them.
The parent's did what they did and whilst it's unfair it's only money, it comes and it goes. Parents are not around forever, the thought of spending the rest of their days in dispute/arguing with/not speaking to/disowning them because of money?   
Give me a break.

Pollycat

kaMelo said:

Honestly I've never read such depressing posts in a long while. People offering suggestions to the OP ranging from being slightly miffed about it onto check they're not making up stories about you (Have we slipped into a Jeremy Kyle episode?) and eventually disowning them.
The parent's did what they did and whilst it's unfair it's only money, it comes and it goes. Parents are not around forever, the thought of spending the rest of their days in dispute/arguing with/not speaking to/disowning them because of money?   
Give me a break.

But it's a lot of money, not just a couple of hundred £.

strawb_shortcake

The nature of the gift changed when the second house was bought not now that the money has been requested, how old was the OP at the time?
As we've heard many times on other boards, BTL and second homes aren't a good investment to let a bit of equity out as and when. 
The "gift" and investment may have been done with the greatest of intentions at the time but things change and there may genuine reasons why the house can't be sold. 
It could be that the £100k was put in as a % for the OP and they will eventually receive more than £100k as their share. Maybe the house still has a mortgage and a hefty ERC, or decent tenants they don't want to evict?