Parents gave gift and took it away

Pollycat

justworriedabit said:

A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish.
I know someone that was gifted a house as parents doing well. Thier child moved in and rented out a room but it was a big house and moved back in with his family in their big house as he missed the family. Sadly, business started to go wrong for the parents and they took the house back and he felt he had to sign it over. not sure re exact worth but it was a det 4 bed house built around the year 2000.

The first sentence and the second ones are contradictory.

If "A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish." how could someone be gifted a house and then the parents take the house back?

Sea_Shell

Pollycat said:

justworriedabit said:

A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish.
I know someone that was gifted a house as parents doing well. Thier child moved in and rented out a room but it was a big house and moved back in with his family in their big house as he missed the family. Sadly, business started to go wrong for the parents and they took the house back and he felt he had to sign it over. not sure re exact worth but it was a det 4 bed house built around the year 2000.

The first sentence and the second ones are contradictory.

If "A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish." how could someone be gifted a house and then the parents take the house back?

"and he felt he had to sign it over."     That sounds to me like he did actually own the house, but through pressure from family was made to sign it back over to them.   Maybe?    

Pollycat

Sea_Shell said:

"and he felt he had to sign it over."     That sounds to me like he did actually own the house, but through pressure from family was made to sign it back over to them.   Maybe?    

Yes.

Maybe.

But if that is true, it's nothing like the scenario the OP describes.

Ad this bit sounds odd:

justworriedabit said:

A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish.
I know someone that was gifted a house as parents doing well. Thier child moved in and rented out a room but it was a big house and moved back in with his family in their big house as he missed the family. Sadly, business started to go wrong for the parents and they took the house back and he felt he had to sign it over. not sure re exact worth but it was a det 4 bed house built around the year 2000.

I would never gift anyone and expect it back. Yes, if i gifted someone a large amount, I may think twice next time if I felt they had misued it IMO.

If anyone is in doubt re the definition of 'gift' look it up as a gift is for life as far as I'm concerned.

ps - the child was unhappy about returning it.

'rented out a room'?

Do you rent out a room in a house that you own?

Sea_Shell

Pollycat said:

Sea_Shell said:

Pollycat said:

justworriedabit said:

A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish.
I know someone that was gifted a house as parents doing well. Thier child moved in and rented out a room but it was a big house and moved back in with his family in their big house as he missed the family. Sadly, business started to go wrong for the parents and they took the house back and he felt he had to sign it over. not sure re exact worth but it was a det 4 bed house built around the year 2000.

The first sentence and the second ones are contradictory.

If "A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish." how could someone be gifted a house and then the parents take the house back?

"and he felt he had to sign it over."     That sounds to me like he did actually own the house, but through pressure from family was made to sign it back over to them.   Maybe?    

Yes.

Maybe.

But if that is true, it's nothing like the scenario the OP describes.

I agree.     The OP hasn't actually been given the gift in the first place!!

justworriedabit

xplosiv77 said:

I can totally relate and understand your annoyance. A vaguely similar thing happened to me, only it was my in-laws rather than parents. 

The in-laws own a second house that they were renting out. The tenant left and so they told my wife and her two siblings that they were going to sale the house and give them £20k each.  

We were so happy with the news, especially as we were at that time looking to move out of our small 2 bedroom terrace to somewhere with 3 bedrooms after our second child was born - and this windfall meant we could look at some nicer properties.

Before the in-law’s house was put on the market they got the whole family to repaint every room in the house - it took 8 of us an entire weekend of grafting.  We all busted a gut to get the house looking nice.  

Shortly after the house was put on the market at an inflated price and when there was no interest after 2 weeks, they took it off the market and rented it out again...for more rent then they got before due to it being nicely decorated! With that, the £20k went up in smoke and we had to look at cheaper houses. It left a sour taste in my mouth for quite a while! 

Yes, it happens, ie people that do not have what it takes to keep their word. Often they open their mouth before thinking IMO.

Me, my husband both of our family's have been accused of being to secretive, EG, when buying a new house, car, going on a major holiday, party planes etc. We only declare something once we have done it, put pen to paper or we don't mention it.
When we moved house a few years ago, people at work and those we knew other than our familys were saiying "you never said you was moving."  We do it and they state it but not everyone has this capacity.

Then the word 'GIFT' it is a that and the receiver can do as they wish.

justworriedabit

HampshireH said:

Pollycat said:

HampshireH said:

I mean.... In the context given, as the disadvantaged sibling it would definitely feel like preferential treatment of the elder sibling. I think most would feel slighted by it at best and thoroughly outraged at worst at being treated so differently to their sibling.

100k is hardly a tenner in the back pocket. And a gift is a gift. However in this case they never actuall gifted it to the OP. They just dangled the carrot

My 2 siblings have had far more financial support (I'm not talking anything like £100k) from my parents than I have. I'm the eldest of the 3.

It's never bothered me one bit. In fact, I've actively encouraged it in the past.

I can see how the OP would feel slighted though, on the face of things it does sound unfair and somewhat selfish of the parents to want to keep a 'second home'.

We don't know the age of the elder sibling.

We don't know the circumstances regarding the gift to the OP.

There may be a valid reason why the OP's parents have acted as they did.

We don't know what was said in the conversation between the OP and his/her parents when they asked for the £100K to put towards a house purchase.

The question of taking 'further action' is a non-starter.

I guess the difference is your parents didn't give you all the same amount (in theory) then take you amount away.

If you thought you had 100k to rely on when you were married with child and then they said nah we are keeping it now it's a bit different

Exactly that, great response.

squirrelchops2

Having been at the brunt end of family being deceptive about money, nothing really surprises me now as to the depths some stoop to do over other family members! 

Gavin83

MalMonroe said:

However badly they have behaved (and they have behaved very badly), they are your parents and it's probably best not to fall out over this. Money and property are only things and people are far more important. I'd say let it go. It must be very hurtful, though. And also, I'd be prepared NOT to inherit anything when they pass away because goodness only knows what plans they've got in that respect. 

Personally in the OPs position I'd be seriously considering whether my life would be better without my parents in it. It wouldn't be about the money, it would be about the differing treatment. However it's entirely the OP's choice on how they react.

One thing I will say though. OP, it's likely at some point your parents will get older and they'll need more and more help. I'd give serious consideration about what you're willing to do in such circumstances. If someone needs to give up work to act as a carer for example I'd suggest your sister is in a much better position to provide such care. That may even be your parents intention.

Tammykitty

OP - do your parents get along with you your spouse? 
Is there any reason they may think you marriage isn't going to last long time?
Maybe they are trying to protect your money in the long term?

burlingtonfl6

Tammykitty said:

OP - do your parents get along with you your spouse? 
Is there any reason they may think you marriage isn't going to last long time?
Maybe they are trying to protect your money in the long term?

I asked that but got no response