Parents gave gift and took it away

[Deleted User]

wannabe_a_saver said:

Beardybaldy said:

But aside from all that general stuff, we know nothing of the specifics here. In fact I'd say thats not true. We know something. We know that someone would come to a public forum to whine about not being gifted a chunk of money so large that most people will never see in one go, and threaten action against their own parents for what amounts to a broken promise.

[b] Its more about the unfairness/favouritism though isn't it? [/b] 

If they could afford to gift 100K, it would have been better to give each child 50k.  If they could only afford to gift £100 then it would still hurt if they chose to give all of it to one child and nothing to the other.

How do we know that? And if you're right, is a, public forum of strangers really the right way to express that? Would people be interested to learn that when I was a kid, my sister and I got new to us second hand bikes for Christmas, and hers had gears and mine didn't?

What we have here is a private family dispute that someone wants to make public. Have we heard from the parents? Do we know their side of the story? Do they even want or feel the need to share their side of the story with any stranger that has an Internet connection and fancies reading MSE forum?

We kind of have to ask ourselves. Who is more mature in their approach to a family dispute. The one that talks privately with the other party, or the one that turns to anyone that will listen except the other party? 

Pollycat

Beardybaldy said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Beardybaldy said:

But aside from all that general stuff, we know nothing of the specifics here. In fact I'd say thats not true. We know something. We know that someone would come to a public forum to whine about not being gifted a chunk of money so large that most people will never see in one go, and threaten action against their own parents for what amounts to a broken promise.

[b] Its more about the unfairness/favouritism though isn't it? [/b] 

If they could afford to gift 100K, it would have been better to give each child 50k.  If they could only afford to gift £100 then it would still hurt if they chose to give all of it to one child and nothing to the other.

How do we know that? And if you're right, is a, public forum of strangers really the right way to express that? Would people be interested to learn that when I was a kid, my sister and I got new to us second hand bikes for Christmas, and hers had gears and mine didn't?

What we have here is a private family dispute that someone wants to make public. Have we heard from the parents? Do we know their side of the story? Do they even want or feel the need to share their side of the story with any stranger that has an Internet connection and fancies reading MSE forum?

We kind of have to ask ourselves. Who is more mature in their approach to a family dispute. The one that talks privately with the other party, or the one that turns to anyone that will listen except the other party? 

The OP was asking for advice.

If I were in the same situation, I'd talk to my RL friends but maybe the OP doesn't have any close enough to get their input on the situation.

Or maybe the OP wanted to be anonymous and not involve friends.

Situations like this is what this specific board is for.

So yes - if the disparity in the gifts your parents bought for you and your sibling really hacks you off (still), you can see if people are interested enough to comment by posting your version of the situation.

Maybe your sister and your parents will join the thread to put their version forwards.

When people post, we almost always only hear one side of the story.

Should people refrain from commenting on a thread until the other side pops up with their version of events?

No. It's a public forum not a court of law.

[Deleted User]

Pollycat said:

Beardybaldy said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Beardybaldy said:

But aside from all that general stuff, we know nothing of the specifics here. In fact I'd say thats not true. We know something. We know that someone would come to a public forum to whine about not being gifted a chunk of money so large that most people will never see in one go, and threaten action against their own parents for what amounts to a broken promise.

[b] Its more about the unfairness/favouritism though isn't it? [/b] 

If they could afford to gift 100K, it would have been better to give each child 50k.  If they could only afford to gift £100 then it would still hurt if they chose to give all of it to one child and nothing to the other.

How do we know that? And if you're right, is a, public forum of strangers really the right way to express that? Would people be interested to learn that when I was a kid, my sister and I got new to us second hand bikes for Christmas, and hers had gears and mine didn't?

What we have here is a private family dispute that someone wants to make public. Have we heard from the parents? Do we know their side of the story? Do they even want or feel the need to share their side of the story with any stranger that has an Internet connection and fancies reading MSE forum?

We kind of have to ask ourselves. Who is more mature in their approach to a family dispute. The one that talks privately with the other party, or the one that turns to anyone that will listen except the other party? 

The OP was asking for advice.

If I were in the same situation, I'd talk to my RL friends but maybe the OP doesn't have any close enough to get their input on the situation.

Or maybe the OP wanted to be anonymous and not involve friends.

Situations like this is what this specific board is for.

So yes - if the disparity in the gifts your parents bought for you and your sibling really hacks you off (still), you can see if people are interested enough to comment by posting your version of the situation.

Maybe your sister and your parents will join the thread to put their version forwards.

When people post, we almost always only hear one side of the story.

[b] Should people refrain from commenting on a thread until the other side pops up with their version of events?[/b] 

No. It's a public forum not a court of law.

To the bold part.

Of course we should all join in, in that highly entertaining way where strangers like to have their say on the private disputes of people we don't know and will likely never meet. It's like Jeremy Kyle but easier to get involved.

My contribution to this public free for all of airing our dirty laundry in public is to point out that OP might, to some, come across as a tad spoiled, turning to a public forum to complain that mammy and daddy won't give them a hundred thousand pounds. And also to point out that we know nothing about the situation we're excitedly getting involved in. We don't know for example if the sibling that got the money has done everything for their parents while the one that didn't, did nothing. We also don't know for example if the sibling that got the money was flat broke while the one asking for money has been lucky in their career and built up a fortune.

It seems most people jumping in on this private family dispute are biased towards the poor OP who's not been given 100k for free. That's fair enough. My contribution to this Jeremy Kyle style free for all is to try to inject a bit of balance. I know that's boring. Nothing like a good virtual mob, but every mob needs one person to ask questions before picking up their pitch fork. That's me. 

Pollycat

Beardybaldy said:

Pollycat said:

Beardybaldy said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Beardybaldy said:

But aside from all that general stuff, we know nothing of the specifics here. In fact I'd say thats not true. We know something. We know that someone would come to a public forum to whine about not being gifted a chunk of money so large that most people will never see in one go, and threaten action against their own parents for what amounts to a broken promise.

[b] Its more about the unfairness/favouritism though isn't it? [/b] 

If they could afford to gift 100K, it would have been better to give each child 50k.  If they could only afford to gift £100 then it would still hurt if they chose to give all of it to one child and nothing to the other.

How do we know that? And if you're right, is a, public forum of strangers really the right way to express that? Would people be interested to learn that when I was a kid, my sister and I got new to us second hand bikes for Christmas, and hers had gears and mine didn't?

What we have here is a private family dispute that someone wants to make public. Have we heard from the parents? Do we know their side of the story? Do they even want or feel the need to share their side of the story with any stranger that has an Internet connection and fancies reading MSE forum?

We kind of have to ask ourselves. Who is more mature in their approach to a family dispute. The one that talks privately with the other party, or the one that turns to anyone that will listen except the other party? 

The OP was asking for advice.

If I were in the same situation, I'd talk to my RL friends but maybe the OP doesn't have any close enough to get their input on the situation.

Or maybe the OP wanted to be anonymous and not involve friends.

Situations like this is what this specific board is for.

So yes - if the disparity in the gifts your parents bought for you and your sibling really hacks you off (still), you can see if people are interested enough to comment by posting your version of the situation.

Maybe your sister and your parents will join the thread to put their version forwards.

When people post, we almost always only hear one side of the story.

[b] Should people refrain from commenting on a thread until the other side pops up with their version of events?[/b] 

No. It's a public forum not a court of law.

To the bold part.

Of course we should all join in, in that highly entertaining way where strangers like to have their say on the private disputes of people we don't know and will likely never meet. It's like Jeremy Kyle but easier to get involved.

My contribution to this public free for all of airing our dirty laundry in public is to point out that OP might, to some, come across as a tad spoiled, turning to a public forum to complain that mammy and daddy won't give them a hundred thousand pounds. And also to point out that we know nothing about the situation we're excitedly getting involved in. We don't know for example if the sibling that got the money has done everything for their parents while the one that didn't, did nothing. We also don't know for example if the sibling that got the money was flat broke while the one asking for money has been lucky in their career and built up a fortune.

It seems most people jumping in on this private family dispute are biased towards the poor OP who's not been given 100k for free. That's fair enough. My contribution to this Jeremy Kyle style free for all is to try to inject a bit of balance. I know that's boring. Nothing like a good virtual mob, but every mob needs one person to ask questions before picking up their pitch fork. That's me. 

When you put your private life on a public forum, you should expect to get comments.

Some you may like, some you won't.

It's not a 'private family dispute' when you have aired your issues/problems/grievances on a well known public forum.

Nobody has forced the OP to post on here, just as nobody forced anyone to go on the Jeremy Kyle show.

When you post in support/against someone who has posted on a public forum, you should expect to get people who agree with your opinion and some who don't.

We can only know what the OP chooses to tell us.

You may think the OP comes across as a tad spoiled.

I initially thought they'd been hard done to but have changed my opinion to they have been incredibly naive by signing away a share in a house without taking legal advice.

I've not seen any 'good virtual mob'.

You're not the only one who's asked questions of the OP.

Gycraig

Beardybaldy said:

This seems like a really petty family squabble to me.

No offence, but if my parents offered me 100k, my first response would be, thanks, but you can't afford it, and I wouldn't take it even if you could, because it's yours to enjoy in your later years.

It makes me so sad when families fall out over money. My parents couldn't afford to help me out with the cost of moving house, never mind buying one, yet they are priceless. It's a sad state of affairs when we put a price tag on our own parents.

But aside from all that general stuff, we know nothing of the specifics here. In fact I'd say thats not true. We know something. We know that someone would come to a public forum to whine about not being gifted a chunk of money so large that most people will never see in one go, and threaten action against their own parents for what amounts to a broken promise.

I wonder if its possible that the parents wonder if their child has developed a spoilt sense of entitlement, and they really, really want them to develop a hint of independence before handing over their hard earned cash. 

Except that isn’t even close to what has happened. 

They gave him 100k and advised him to put it into a property with them (there 2nd property) now they refuse to sell it so he can release his equity and buy his own home. 

It’s not even close to “not being gifted a chunk of money” they gave him 100k then stole it back as it’s HIS money not there’s anymore 

Whiterose23

Wow what horrible parents. I could never treat my two grown up children differently from each other. He's better off without them.

74jax

Gycraig said:

Beardybaldy said:

This seems like a really petty family squabble to me.

No offence, but if my parents offered me 100k, my first response would be, thanks, but you can't afford it, and I wouldn't take it even if you could, because it's yours to enjoy in your later years.

It makes me so sad when families fall out over money. My parents couldn't afford to help me out with the cost of moving house, never mind buying one, yet they are priceless. It's a sad state of affairs when we put a price tag on our own parents.

But aside from all that general stuff, we know nothing of the specifics here. In fact I'd say thats not true. We know something. We know that someone would come to a public forum to whine about not being gifted a chunk of money so large that most people will never see in one go, and threaten action against their own parents for what amounts to a broken promise.

I wonder if its possible that the parents wonder if their child has developed a spoilt sense of entitlement, and they really, really want them to develop a hint of independence before handing over their hard earned cash. 

Except that isn’t even close to what has happened. 

They gave him 100k and advised him to put it into a property with them (there 2nd property) now they refuse to sell it so he can release his equity and buy his own home. 

It’s not even close to “not being gifted a chunk of money” they gave him 100k then stole it back as it’s HIS money not there’s anymore 

Your explanation isn't what happened either though.

justworriedabit

[Deleted User] said:

wannabe_a_saver said:

Beardybaldy said:

But aside from all that general stuff, we know nothing of the specifics here. In fact I'd say thats not true. We know something. We know that someone would come to a public forum to whine about not being gifted a chunk of money so large that most people will never see in one go, and threaten action against their own parents for what amounts to a broken promise.

[b] Its more about the unfairness/favouritism though isn't it? [/b] 

If they could afford to gift 100K, it would have been better to give each child 50k.  If they could only afford to gift £100 then it would still hurt if they chose to give all of it to one child and nothing to the other.

How do we know that? And if you're right, is a, public forum of strangers really the right way to express that? Would people be interested to learn that when I was a kid, my sister and I got new to us second hand bikes for Christmas, and hers had gears and mine didn't?

What we have here is a private family dispute that someone wants to make public. Have we heard from the parents? Do we know their side of the story? Do they even want or feel the need to share their side of the story with any stranger that has an Internet connection and fancies reading MSE forum?

We kind of have to ask ourselves. Who is more mature in their approach to a family dispute. The one that talks privately with the other party, or the one that turns to anyone that will listen except the other party? 

The highlighted bit. IMO, sites like this are very helpful to raise ones feelings and then pick bits, good bits from others. For me it is that and often as i type, i can get it out of my sytem

As i've said before, there are always two sides to every story and on forums we only hear the one side and that is the side we work with.

As in every thread it is up to the op to pick, chose and ignore.

With me when an OP asks a question, I'm never rude as what a OP may be saying may seem odd to me but everyone is different.

I watch, listen, read and learn from other peoples mistakes and often will try to help anyone that is not nasty to me.