Parents gave gift and took it away

squirrelchops2

Steiner_48 said:

Thanks everyone for your responses, they’ve all been very helpful. I’ll definitely be keeping my distance from my parents and sister in the future. Almost a month has gone by with no attempts of contact from either party, and I can honestly say I am a happier person. I’m now just looking forward and focusing on my own family, who are the most important thing. Thanks all.

Families are such tricky things. In my family I am the youngest of 3. Middle child is the golden child who can do no wrong even though he has done numerous hurtful things and yet it is the oldest child my mother really treats as persona non grata. I do wonder how he must feel as it is plainly obvious my mother sided with middle child, particularly after the siblings had a huge falling out and haven't spoken for 15 years. Despite me telling my mother not to take sides she couldn't help herself and I sometimes wonder if she enjoys the discord. 

As for me, they are my half brothers and a lot older hence there has always been distance between us both physically and emotionally. I have been happy to lead my own life and actually don't have a great deal to do with mother or siblings. If I ever start seeing my mother more and inevitably my middle brother as he lives next door there soon becomes something he wants from me. I haven't told my mother half of the mean little things my brother has done and also one absolutely massive lie he told that ended him in living in a house that he obtained via dubious means as, simply she just wouldn't want to hear it.

Sometimes the best thing is just to keep family at arm's length and I don't feel any sadness at all saying that.

Alan2020

OP should just cut all contact and refuse access to grand child. If they are not bothered you lost nothing, if they are then you can teach them a very important lesson in life, and cut them off utterly 
Are you married to someone from another Race? Etc looks like they don’t like your oh and by implication they child. If my thoughts are correct probably racists

Steiner_48

Alan2020 said:

OP should just cut all contact and refuse access to grand child. If they are not bothered you lost nothing, if they are then you can teach them a very important lesson in life, and cut them off utterly 
Are you married to someone from another Race? Etc looks like they don’t like your oh and by implication they child. If my thoughts are correct probably racists

This is unfortunately where we are at. My parents were never that bothered about their grandchild in the first place, they are more focused on their own lives. They say they’re bothered, but never want to visit much despite living half an hour away, and at Christmas he’s lucky if her gets anything from them. My wife is the same race as me so I don’t think it’s any form of discrimination involved, but we are different backgrounds in terms if wealth, which could be a factor I suppose. I definitely had a more “privileged” upbringing than my wife I’d say, but she has never cared about money. And although her parents aren’t nearly as wealthy as mine, they are far more generous with what they do have (time, love, visits, childcare support when needed, gifts for little one etc). We are forever grateful for that!

justworriedabit

Just a polite reminder. It is the parents/grandparents money/estate, it is their choice. It is their choice to change their minds and I'm all for that as we do not know the full reason behind the change of mind.

Gavin83

justworriedabit said:

Just a polite reminder. It is the parents/grandparents money/estate, it is their choice. It is their choice to change their minds and I'm all for that as we do not know the full reason behind the change of mind.

This is of course true. However it’s also the OPs choice how much they want their parents in their life, if it all.

Mojisola

justworriedabit said:

Just a polite reminder. It is the parents/grandparents money/estate, it is their choice. It is their choice to change their minds and I'm all for that as we do not know the full reason behind the change of mind.

Have you ever taken a gift away from someone after you'd given it to them?

When I give someone a gift, I consider it theirs.

Waunakee

justworriedabit said:

A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish.
I would never gift anyone and expect it back. Yes, if i gifted someone a large amount, I may think twice next time if I felt they had misued it IMO.
If anyone is in doubt re the definition of 'gift' look it up as a gift is for life as far as I am concerned 

Just a polite reminder as to what you stated earlier
HTH

Sea_Shell

justworriedabit said:

Just a polite reminder. It is the parents/grandparents money/estate, it is their choice. It is their choice to change their minds and I'm all for that as we do not know the full reason behind the change of mind.

Aren't you expecting a large gift from your husband's uncle?   Would you be as sanguine if he changed his mind?

Have you made plans based on receiving it?

HampshireH

Waunakee said:

justworriedabit said:

A gift is just that, no ifs, no buts. It is yours to do as you wish.
I would never gift anyone and expect it back. Yes, if i gifted someone a large amount, I may think twice next time if I felt they had misued it IMO.
If anyone is in doubt re the definition of 'gift' look it up as a gift is for life as far as I am concerned 

Just a polite reminder as to what you stated earlier
HTH

Yes very confusing.

People's opinions change I guess...... Even in a very short space of time

justworriedabit

Gavin83 said:

justworriedabit said:

Just a polite reminder. It is the parents/grandparents money/estate, it is their choice. It is their choice to change their minds and I'm all for that as we do not know the full reason behind the change of mind.

This is of course true. However it’s also the OPs choice how much they want their parents in their life, if it all.

That of course is true (highlighted bit in your post) I never said anything about that in the post you refer to.