Arguing over a house move - who's being unreasonable

MrBrindle

burlingtonfl6 said:

MrBrindle said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

MrBrindle said:

Sea_Shell said:

Do you own your house as Joint Tenants or Tenants in common, and if so, are your shares actually documented as unequal.

 Deary me, I don't know what term is which, but the house is owned between us. Joint tenants I think?

EDITED: Yes, Joint tenants. Equal.

I think what others are getting at is something I don't really agree with but posters on here don't have and issue with...
The money her mother put in, go for half if it comes down to it.

As in you don't agree with going separate ways over a house move? I mean, it does seem a bit mad that a couple would split up because one person doesn't or does want to move - someone has to compromise I guess. Does it happen often? Perhaps, I don't know. 

I don't agree with people going after shares (money) of a home after a divorce that they never put in or a percentage of inheritance left to a spouse. 

No I agree, I have always said if something did happen in the future I will only take what I feel is mine. The only other bearbug for me is that I have been the main bread winner and paid for most stuff over the last 5 years.

Sea_Shell

Is the loan actually secured against the house, second charge?   

getmore4less

There are a few issues here but underlying it all is you are bankrolling this woman and she does not come cheap

Even without this current wanting to move there are the issues over the camper and potentially this dog grooming set up which I suspect will go no where once she realises it means working.
My guess is you also pay for her horses.

She is putting the ultimatums on the table, but even without the latest I would be asking is this really worth it what are you getting out of this relationship other than grief and stress.
 
It might be time the money has to run out and that's it no more for any of these fantasy moves,  push back you want to move you need to start pulling your weight round here and earning some money to pay for it.

Could add up the cost of things and point out how much money she has been wasting and that is what is holding back any future  move it's her fault.


This mum loan you are paying who is down as borrowing that money? 
The original mum gift was that to her or both of you?

the suggestion to start planning as if she could follow through might be worth considering,  you could make any finance for this move not work but there is a VERY big risk mummy comes in to bail out any short fall and you end up in a worse position than now. 

Mojisola

Apart from all the other reasons that the move would be a bad idea, how many people would bother driving out to the cottage to have their dogs groomed when they could find another groomer in the town you'd have moved from?

justworriedabit

Hello OP
I've read your post and a just a few others but not the whole thread.
You have IMO bent over backwards to please your partner.
It is time you put your foot down. However, you may want to accept the move if your partner did all of the chasing etc that goes in with house moves and then made your new house into a home.
You need to remind her that though you love her I am safely assuming, you too have your needs, pressures, life, free time and possible worries and what and what you don't like and the practicalities of everything.
With her health problems of past you may not want to blow up this volatile situation and move but agree beforehand that this move is the last for a while unless you are unhappy there.
Forgive me, but I sense something like one or both of you have had enough. Sorry if I am wrong but take it from me, marriage, living together is hard work most of the time especially when we are all working, earning money, paying bills, paying taxes etc for our governments to throw away for political reasons, etc.
Before I go from this thread, as you know moving can be very, very stressful and who needs that unless it is a must and in your case it is not, well not for you.
Take care and I hope it works out for all of you.

justworriedabit

MrBrindle said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

MrBrindle said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

MrBrindle said:

Sea_Shell said:

Do you own your house as Joint Tenants or Tenants in common, and if so, are your shares actually documented as unequal.

 Deary me, I don't know what term is which, but the house is owned between us. Joint tenants I think?

EDITED: Yes, Joint tenants. Equal.

I think what others are getting at is something I don't really agree with but posters on here don't have and issue with...
The money her mother put in, go for half if it comes down to it.

As in you don't agree with going separate ways over a house move? I mean, it does seem a bit mad that a couple would split up because one person doesn't or does want to move - someone has to compromise I guess. Does it happen often? Perhaps, I don't know. 

I don't agree with people going after shares (money) of a home after a divorce that they never put in or a percentage of inheritance left to a spouse. 

No I agree, I have always said if something did happen in the future I will only take what I feel is mine. The only other bearbug for me is that I have been the main bread winner and paid for most stuff over the last 5 years.

You sound like my husband, his and my family. IMO when people have worked, worked hard and been wise with their hard earned cash, they are rarely greedy and won't ever seek something for nothing and this also applies when they are offered gifts. My husband and me as well, when our parents give us presents on our birthdays, Christmas etc, it is often a small present and a cash gift. He, my husband always refuses the cash and not to offend them he takes only part of it as do I and them as well. I just wish all women and men were like you, ie fair and not seek what was not theirs.

justworriedabit

Mojisola said:

Apart from all the other reasons that the move would be a bad idea, how many people would bother driving out to the cottage to have their dogs groomed when they could find another groomer in the town you'd have moved from?

Mojisola said:

Apart from all the other reasons that the move would be a bad idea, how many people would bother driving out to the cottage to have their dogs groomed when they could find another groomer in the town you'd have moved from?

though we have never kept dogs, how often on average are "dogs groomed" in a typical week?

Savvy_Sue

justworriedabit said:

It is time you put your foot down. However, you may want to accept the move if your partner did all of the chasing etc that goes in with house moves and then made your new house into a home.

I don't think I'd accept it even on those terms, but I've long since accepted that if I want something to happen, I'm going to have to do the running around. When we moved here, I did all the initial scanning of properties, because he 'didn't have time' - or just didn't get around to it. 

However it does make me wonder whether anything will happen if the OP starts the cracked record technique of "I am not doing anything about moving house" and left his partner to her own devices. Might she find out the reality that way? Without you actually actively obstructing her? 

But talking is needed to save this relationship ... 

sheramber

Mickey666 said:

sheramber said:

if you move tot eh country you will end up running a taxi service for your children when they are old enough to want to go to after school activities, meet up with their friends at  the weekends, go to clubs in the evening,  do swimming or play football or tennis and such at weekends and not at the same times or venues.
I lived happily in a rural area until recently and  saw first hand how parents had to constantly ferry the children around.

What a very sad outlook.  Isn't that what parents are supposed to do - support and encourage their children?
I used to spend many happy hours and whole weekends driving all over the country for Junior's various sporting events.  Later, as he focused in on one particular sport his enthusiasm and dedication was rewarded with many wins and national championships.  He was subsequently selected for the GB Team for his sport and represented his country internationally five times, first as a junior then later in the men's team, and we had many memorable trips abroad to European and World Championships.  If parents are not prepared to put in the time and effort to support their children, how can they be expected to fulfil their true potential?

The OP commented that the move would mean   two trips to and from school each day.
I was pointing out it would more than that. 

justworriedabit

Savvy_Sue said:

justworriedabit said:

It is time you put your foot down. However, you may want to accept the move if your partner did all of the chasing etc that goes in with house moves and then made your new house into a home.

However it does make me wonder whether anything will happen if the OP starts the cracked record technique of "I am not doing anything about moving house" and left his partner to her own devices. Might she find out the reality that way? Without you actually actively obstructing her? 

But talking is needed to save this relationship ... 

Exactly what my aim was.
Indeed, I sense an air of on the edge but in their favour as I have stated before, it is hard work especially when people are working or one of them.
I often find those that do not work and younger ie below 60 often fall out nd where only one is working.