What qualities do women want/value in a relationship?

deannagone

I have gone through 10 pages to come straight after someone who feels the same way I do lol.., laughter is so attractive.  It would be nice if someone existed who liked science fiction (stop me having to watch things quietly in a corner on my pc lol) but that seems to be a rarity.  Honesty, definitely.., and caring. 

But I have had my last relationship.  Two long term relationships both failed (as another poster said, the last one should have ended the first week, but wiser now lol).  I don't think I have anything left to offer anyone, and I very much doubt anyone would want me.  But surprisingly, I am ok with that.  There's dreams and there's reality..,  not everyone is made for a relationship. I am happiest on my own.  I know that with a certainty I wish I'd have had years ago.  I was lonely for 14 years in the last relationship, now I am just alone but happy.., and that's fine.  

Kim_kim

swingaloo2 said:

Well Im on my second marriage and its my hubbys second as well. He also had 2 long term relationships besides his marriage.
My first one lasted 25 years although we should have quit after the first year. Been with my now husband 20 years and couldnt be happier.
All 3 of his relationships ended badly and all his ex's were obviously glad to be rid of him, I wouldnt change him for the world.
Which just goes to show that you cant define it by something women look for. When its right, its right.  Its the same man, 3 women couldnt live with him, I wouldnt want to live without him but no doubt if we were asked we would all say we were looking for the same thing.

That’s a relief, as a single woman in my 50s I did wonder are all the single ones, single because some woman somewhere just couldn’t put up with them! 

I think honestly & faithfulness are incredibly important, but so is compatibility & a shared sense of humour & values.  It’s also important you find each other attractive & are in tune sexually.  I think that about does it! 

Oh, I would like fairly intelligent too.  And tidy, couldn’t have a partner who was a tramp. 

Kim_kim

burlingtonfl6 said:

Pollycat said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Depends on their age but you're wasting your time asking a woman for advice. 
I don't know how old you are OP but the main thing women generally look for is status, confidence, ambition and wealth.
Feminine men in touch with their feelings get nowhere.

I've never looked for status, confidence, ambition or wealth in my partners.

And my first marriage lasted 11 years and my 2nd is still going strong at 35 years.

burlingtonfl6 said:

Edit.... it helps to be taller than them too.

Really?

Some quite old fashioned ideas you've got going there.

I did say women in general. You're obviously the unicorn
Height of men is a big issue with women.....unless they're at an age where they have had to drop their standards.

I’m definitely at an age.......
My standards will be higher than ever.  I know what I want & don’t want now.  

sevenhills

deannagone said:

There's dreams and there's reality..,  not everyone is made for a relationship. I am happiest on my own.  I know that with a certainty I wish I'd have had years ago.  I was lonely for 14 years in the last relationship, now I am just alone but happy.., and that's fine.  

I don't think I will ever stop wanting a partner. I do need to feel more comfortable on my own.

Looking forward to the end of lockdown and nice weather.

burlingtonfl6

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Pollycat said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Depends on their age but you're wasting your time asking a woman for advice. 
I don't know how old you are OP but the main thing women generally look for is status, confidence, ambition and wealth.
Feminine men in touch with their feelings get nowhere.

I've never looked for status, confidence, ambition or wealth in my partners.

And my first marriage lasted 11 years and my 2nd is still going strong at 35 years.

burlingtonfl6 said:

Edit.... it helps to be taller than them too.

Really?

Some quite old fashioned ideas you've got going there.

I did say women in general. You're obviously the unicorn
Height of men is a big issue with women.....unless they're at an age where they have had to drop their standards.

I’m definitely at an age.......
My standards will be higher than ever.  I know what I want & don’t want now.  

You're standards might be higher but you're 50 plus and single.... it's not worked so why would anyone who wants to be in a relationship take your advice? They should be listening to someone who has been married for a few decades at your age.
Your options now are nowhere near where they were when you were 25 yet your standards are higher. It doesn't add up.

AskAsk

sevenhills said:

deannagone said:

There's dreams and there's reality..,  not everyone is made for a relationship. I am happiest on my own.  I know that with a certainty I wish I'd have had years ago.  I was lonely for 14 years in the last relationship, now I am just alone but happy.., and that's fine.  

I don't think I will ever stop wanting a partner. I do need to feel more comfortable on my own.

Looking forward to the end of lockdown and nice weather.

i don't like being single and prefer to have a partner.  although i like my own company, being single is not a nice state to be in for me as i feel 'on my own' and i don't like that feeling. 

i have come across the rare person who likes being single but i think it is rare as most people want a partner as we are pack animals and we like living in packs / families.

CookieMonster

Kim_kim said:

That’s a relief, as a single woman in my 50s I did wonder are all the single ones, single because some woman somewhere just couldn’t put up with them! 

A lot of the older single men have been through the marriage mill already, and have come out worse off than they went in.

Some will be single due to the wildly unrealistic standards of modern women (just go onto a dating app and see a list of demands from mediocre women, if you'd like to research this) whilst simultaneously having little to offer a man in a relationship.

For some men in their 50s, it's now a case of 'I can retire a decade early' or I can be someone else's retirement plan.
Where did all the good women go?

burlingtonfl6

CookieMonster said:

Kim_kim said:

That’s a relief, as a single woman in my 50s I did wonder are all the single ones, single because some woman somewhere just couldn’t put up with them! 

A lot of the older single men have been through the marriage mill already, and have come out worse off than they went in.

Some will be single due to the wildly unrealistic standards of modern women (just go onto a dating app and see a list of demands from mediocre women, if you'd like to research this) whilst simultaneously having little to offer a man in a relationship.

For some men in their 50s, it's now a case of 'I can retire a decade early' or I can be someone else's retirement plan.
Where did all the good women go?

Plus, men usually go for younger women so a man in his 50's has the option to date a women in her 40's. 
Women prefer older men ( look at the marriage statistics ) so a woman has less of an age range to date.
Yes, some women/men are different but the vast majority aren't so the rule still applies to most people

[Deleted User]

stphnstevey said:

Mojisola said:

I think you're coming from this wrong - women don't have one view.

What do you want from a partner?  You need to find someone who suits you.

I can understand that each women might have a different "type" of guy physically they go for
I read an article from an experienced marriage councillor who tried to define the reasons the majority of marriages broke down. I followed up with my own short survey of 6 or so women friends, which also confirmed that AFFECTION seemed to top all of their lists
Which got me wondering if there are certain things that the majority of women might be looking for in a relationship   

This made me laugh.

You aren't going to find your soul mate by reading articles and surveying women, although I remember being at a stage in my life when I might have thought that could work so I'm not knocking you.

There are a few unbreakable laws of life.
1. You were born
2. You will die
3. You'll pay taxes
4. You can't change who you are at the core.

That last one is important. We can all change the superficial stuff. The way we dress, the way we behave in polite company, that kind of thing. But those aren't the things that will 'connect' you to another.

You may have to project a lie to secure a partner. We all do it. Men and women alike. We all make an effort to look nice or be charming on a date or when out on the pull. If we invite a new partner home, we all make sure in advance that the house is clean and tidy, and if we cook a romantic meal, it's not likely to be sausages with frozen chips and half a tin of aldi beans, washed down with a mug of tea made with cheap tea bags.

But once you get past that stage, who you are, and who they are will start to come out. You'll wear that faded worn out T shirt, you'll say you really can't be bothered to go to the posh restaurant tonight. You wont find the energy to force a laugh at a joke that's just not funny. They'll be the same. By this point, all your surveys and objective research goes out the window. When your new partner farts at the dinner table, is it really cute, or is it bloody disgusting? Can you really resist that cheese and onion sarnie right before bed time? And can you continue to hide your true feelings about something really deep seated that is part of who you are?

Life is an interesting game. I feel so sorry for my missus when I think about what I pretended that 21 year old girl was signing up for all those years ago. And I know she knows, because I regularly tease her about it, that I know she was embellishing the truth to me all those years ago too. But here we are, still together after years, having got through situations so difficult at times that it would be impossible to project anything but your innermost core of who you are. On paper, there are guys that are a far better catch than me. Folks that earn more, folks that are fitter, folks that can hold a conversation about ennerdale. Yet she still stays with me. So I don't think it really matters what the articles say or your surveys say. I think all that matters is that you can find someone that won't just like you in the good times, but who wants you by their side, and who wants to be by your side, during some of the hardest times life can throw at you. 

Kim_kim

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Pollycat said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Depends on their age but you're wasting your time asking a woman for advice. 
I don't know how old you are OP but the main thing women generally look for is status, confidence, ambition and wealth.
Feminine men in touch with their feelings get nowhere.

I've never looked for status, confidence, ambition or wealth in my partners.

And my first marriage lasted 11 years and my 2nd is still going strong at 35 years.

burlingtonfl6 said:

Edit.... it helps to be taller than them too.

Really?

Some quite old fashioned ideas you've got going there.

I did say women in general. You're obviously the unicorn
Height of men is a big issue with women.....unless they're at an age where they have had to drop their standards.

I’m definitely at an age.......
My standards will be higher than ever.  I know what I want & don’t want now.  

You're standards might be higher but you're 50 plus and single.... it's not worked so why would anyone who wants to be in a relationship take your advice? They should be listening to someone who has been married for a few decades at your age.
Your options now are nowhere near where they were when you were 25 yet your standards are higher. It doesn't add up.

I’ve been married for 17 years.  I know not to settle when something doesn’t work.
Of course I don’t have the options I had at 25.  But I do have the benefit of knowing myself now & I know what I want & what I don’t want.  I’m happy to remain single, if I met someone who I really clicked with, someone who web could actually enrich each other’s lives then that would be fantastic. But unless it’s great then I’d rather stay single.  I don’t need a man to support me, I earn a good wage.