What qualities do women want/value in a relationship?

Tokmon

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Pollycat said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Depends on their age but you're wasting your time asking a woman for advice. 
I don't know how old you are OP but the main thing women generally look for is status, confidence, ambition and wealth.
Feminine men in touch with their feelings get nowhere.

I've never looked for status, confidence, ambition or wealth in my partners.

And my first marriage lasted 11 years and my 2nd is still going strong at 35 years.

burlingtonfl6 said:

Edit.... it helps to be taller than them too.

Really?

Some quite old fashioned ideas you've got going there.

I did say women in general. You're obviously the unicorn
Height of men is a big issue with women.....unless they're at an age where they have had to drop their standards.

I’m definitely at an age.......
My standards will be higher than ever.  I know what I want & don’t want now.  

You're standards might be higher but you're 50 plus and single.... it's not worked so why would anyone who wants to be in a relationship take your advice? They should be listening to someone who has been married for a few decades at your age.
Your options now are nowhere near where they were when you were 25 yet your standards are higher. It doesn't add up.

I’ve been married for 17 years.  I know not to settle when something doesn’t work.
Of course I don’t have the options I had at 25.  But I do have the benefit of knowing myself now & I know what I want & what I don’t want.  I’m happy to remain single, if I met someone who I really clicked with, someone who web could actually enrich each other’s lives then that would be fantastic. But unless it’s great then I’d rather stay single.  I don’t need a man to support me, I earn a good wage.  

My point was your standards are higher than ever but your options are lower than they ever have been.

I’m not bothered about that, I’d much rather be single than unhappy or “settling”. 

Or you could settle for someone on your level.....just a thought

No matter how much you keep on about her lowering her standards she isn't going to be interested in you so just move on and find someone else 

burlingtonfl6

Tokmon said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Pollycat said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Depends on their age but you're wasting your time asking a woman for advice. 
I don't know how old you are OP but the main thing women generally look for is status, confidence, ambition and wealth.
Feminine men in touch with their feelings get nowhere.

I've never looked for status, confidence, ambition or wealth in my partners.

And my first marriage lasted 11 years and my 2nd is still going strong at 35 years.

burlingtonfl6 said:

Edit.... it helps to be taller than them too.

Really?

Some quite old fashioned ideas you've got going there.

I did say women in general. You're obviously the unicorn
Height of men is a big issue with women.....unless they're at an age where they have had to drop their standards.

I’m definitely at an age.......
My standards will be higher than ever.  I know what I want & don’t want now.  

You're standards might be higher but you're 50 plus and single.... it's not worked so why would anyone who wants to be in a relationship take your advice? They should be listening to someone who has been married for a few decades at your age.
Your options now are nowhere near where they were when you were 25 yet your standards are higher. It doesn't add up.

I’ve been married for 17 years.  I know not to settle when something doesn’t work.
Of course I don’t have the options I had at 25.  But I do have the benefit of knowing myself now & I know what I want & what I don’t want.  I’m happy to remain single, if I met someone who I really clicked with, someone who web could actually enrich each other’s lives then that would be fantastic. But unless it’s great then I’d rather stay single.  I don’t need a man to support me, I earn a good wage.  

My point was your standards are higher than ever but your options are lower than they ever have been.

I’m not bothered about that, I’d much rather be single than unhappy or “settling”. 

Or you could settle for someone on your level.....just a thought

No matter how much you keep on about her lowering her standards she isn't going to be interested in you so just move on and find someone else 

 
...........

sevenhills

Tokmon said:

No matter how much you keep on about her lowering her standards she isn't going to be interested in you so just move on and find someone else 

Is it just me, but do men generally want to look after someone? Traditionally men would be the breadwinner, looking after a female.

I have friends that don't like spending their money, but surely that is different when it comes to a partner. So financially, I would be looking to help someone else.

AskAsk

sevenhills said:

Tokmon said:

No matter how much you keep on about her lowering her standards she isn't going to be interested in you so just move on and find someone else 

Is it just me, but do men generally want to look after someone? Traditionally men would be the breadwinner, looking after a female.

I have friends that don't like spending their money, but surely that is different when it comes to a partner. So financially, I would be looking to help someone else.

i don't think men have this way of thinking anymore as nowadays a lot of couples have similar income since women's earning power is a lot more than it used to be.  in modern society it is very difficult to survive on just one income as that one person will need to earn a significant amount to support the whole family so most families now are dual income.

i am of the old thinking that men should look after women in a family situation but my husband thinks otherwise as he says i have more money or as much as he has so why should he look after me financially?

Kim_kim

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Kim_kim said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Pollycat said:

burlingtonfl6 said:

Depends on their age but you're wasting your time asking a woman for advice. 
I don't know how old you are OP but the main thing women generally look for is status, confidence, ambition and wealth.
Feminine men in touch with their feelings get nowhere.

I've never looked for status, confidence, ambition or wealth in my partners.

And my first marriage lasted 11 years and my 2nd is still going strong at 35 years.

burlingtonfl6 said:

Edit.... it helps to be taller than them too.

Really?

Some quite old fashioned ideas you've got going there.

I did say women in general. You're obviously the unicorn
Height of men is a big issue with women.....unless they're at an age where they have had to drop their standards.

I’m definitely at an age.......
My standards will be higher than ever.  I know what I want & don’t want now.  

You're standards might be higher but you're 50 plus and single.... it's not worked so why would anyone who wants to be in a relationship take your advice? They should be listening to someone who has been married for a few decades at your age.
Your options now are nowhere near where they were when you were 25 yet your standards are higher. It doesn't add up.

I’ve been married for 17 years.  I know not to settle when something doesn’t work.
Of course I don’t have the options I had at 25.  But I do have the benefit of knowing myself now & I know what I want & what I don’t want.  I’m happy to remain single, if I met someone who I really clicked with, someone who web could actually enrich each other’s lives then that would be fantastic. But unless it’s great then I’d rather stay single.  I don’t need a man to support me, I earn a good wage.  

My point was your standards are higher than ever but your options are lower than they ever have been.

I’m not bothered about that, I’d much rather be single than unhappy or “settling”. 

Or you could settle for someone on your level.....just a thought

Yes, that’s the plan.  An equal on my level.  

Kim_kim

sevenhills said:

Tokmon said:

No matter how much you keep on about her lowering her standards she isn't going to be interested in you so just move on and find someone else 

Is it just me, but do men generally want to look after someone? Traditionally men would be the breadwinner, looking after a female.

I have friends that don't like spending their money, but surely that is different when it comes to a partner. So financially, I would be looking to help someone else.

I think in most relationships now both of the couple work.  Women don’t really have pin money jobs anymore.  Wage equality & the national minimum wage have done away with that.
But I do find that many men of a certain age - let’s say over 50.  Still expect the women to do the lions share in the home, even though they both work full time. 

AskAsk

Kim_kim said:

sevenhills said:

Tokmon said:

No matter how much you keep on about her lowering her standards she isn't going to be interested in you so just move on and find someone else 

Is it just me, but do men generally want to look after someone? Traditionally men would be the breadwinner, looking after a female.

I have friends that don't like spending their money, but surely that is different when it comes to a partner. So financially, I would be looking to help someone else.

I think in most relationships now both of the couple work.  Women don’t really have pin money jobs anymore.  Wage equality & the national minimum wage have done away with that.
But I do find that many men of a certain age - let’s say over 50.  Still expect the women to do the lions share in the home, even though they both work full time. 

i think it is worse than that and does not only apply to households of the older age group as stated in the following research article, where it applies to 93% of british households.

i think the reason for this is that i find men have a higher threshold for dirt and mess, so the man would leave it until it gets really bad before he would start to clear or clean up, whereas the woman would feel doing this well before the man thinks it needs doing.  so when it comes to the waiting game of who can put up with the mess the longest, the man always wins and so the woman ends up having to do the work.

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/epidemiology-health-care/news/2019/nov/women-still-doing-most-housework-despite-earning-more

onomatopoeia99

AskAsk said:

Kim_kim said:

sevenhills said:

Tokmon said:

No matter how much you keep on about her lowering her standards she isn't going to be interested in you so just move on and find someone else 

Is it just me, but do men generally want to look after someone? Traditionally men would be the breadwinner, looking after a female.

I have friends that don't like spending their money, but surely that is different when it comes to a partner. So financially, I would be looking to help someone else.

I think in most relationships now both of the couple work.  Women don’t really have pin money jobs anymore.  Wage equality & the national minimum wage have done away with that.
But I do find that many men of a certain age - let’s say over 50.  Still expect the women to do the lions share in the home, even though they both work full time. 

i think it is worse than that and does not only apply to households of the older age group as stated in the following research article, where it applies to 93% of british households.

i think the reason for this is that i find men have a higher threshold for dirt and mess, so the man would leave it until it gets really bad before he would start to clear or clean up, whereas the woman would feel doing this well before the man thinks it needs doing.  so when it comes to the waiting game of who can put up with the mess the longest, the man always wins and so the woman ends up having to do the work.

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/epidemiology-health-care/news/2019/nov/women-still-doing-most-housework-despite-earning-more

I have a high threshold for mess.  I would rather date someone else that did as well, so there weren't arguments about me "leaving the housework to her", since I'd still clean at the point where I felt it needed doing and that point wouldn't change.  The woman wouldn't "have" to do anything apart from sit back and relax (a truly onerous burden, I know).

It's interesting that the assumption on this forum is that the person that has a higher threshold for mess is expected to change their behaviour to accommodate the person that doesn't and not vice versa. Why?  Why can't the other person just put up with more mess?  It's not causing them any work if they do.

I grew up in a house cleaned to "show home" standards by my mother, because that's how she wanted it.  I'm so completely not like that and I absolutely do not want to date someone like that.  Clever / nerdy, kind, passionate?  Yes.  So-called "domestic goddess"? HELL NO!

NBLondon

sevenhills said:

Is it just me, but do men generally want to look after someone? Traditionally men would be the breadwinner, looking after a female.

"Looking after" doesn't just mean financially - it can include supporting emotionally and practically.  Providing a home doesn't just mean paying the mortgage and the bills, for some men it's about making it a desirable place to live.  It varies between men how much value they place on those aspects - just as it varies between women as to whether they want to be "looked after".    In a good relationship, partners may take turns in those roles depending on circumstances.

burlingtonfl6

onomatopoeia99 said:

AskAsk said:

Kim_kim said:

sevenhills said:

Tokmon said:

No matter how much you keep on about her lowering her standards she isn't going to be interested in you so just move on and find someone else 

Is it just me, but do men generally want to look after someone? Traditionally men would be the breadwinner, looking after a female.

I have friends that don't like spending their money, but surely that is different when it comes to a partner. So financially, I would be looking to help someone else.

I think in most relationships now both of the couple work.  Women don’t really have pin money jobs anymore.  Wage equality & the national minimum wage have done away with that.
But I do find that many men of a certain age - let’s say over 50.  Still expect the women to do the lions share in the home, even though they both work full time. 

i think it is worse than that and does not only apply to households of the older age group as stated in the following research article, where it applies to 93% of british households.

i think the reason for this is that i find men have a higher threshold for dirt and mess, so the man would leave it until it gets really bad before he would start to clear or clean up, whereas the woman would feel doing this well before the man thinks it needs doing.  so when it comes to the waiting game of who can put up with the mess the longest, the man always wins and so the woman ends up having to do the work.

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/epidemiology-health-care/news/2019/nov/women-still-doing-most-housework-despite-earning-more

I have a high threshold for mess.  I would rather date someone else that did as well, so there weren't arguments about me "leaving the housework to her", since I'd still clean at the point where I felt it needed doing and that point wouldn't change.  The woman wouldn't "have" to do anything apart from sit back and relax (a truly onerous burden, I know).

It's interesting that the assumption on this forum is that the person that has a higher threshold for mess is expected to change their behaviour to accommodate the person that doesn't and not vice versa. Why?  Why can't the other person just put up with more mess?  It's not causing them any work if they do.

I grew up in a house cleaned to "show home" standards by my mother, because that's how she wanted it.  I'm so completely not like that and I absolutely do not want to date someone like that.  Clever / nerdy, kind, passionate?  Yes.  So-called "domestic goddess"? HELL NO!

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”