Dealing with my difficult mother

KxMx

If she does that it is very easy to block emails and phone contact from people you don't wish to hear from. 

jennystarpepper

You are getting it together, good for you.  Glad to hear your health is improving and it will as long as you stay positive and remember none of this is your doing.  Your work at home will give you something to be proud of.

She will no doubt continue to pester and try to bully you, remember it is like a drug to bullies.... it is learnt behavior, you can stop it, she can't / will not.   

Every time you respond to her you are putting fuel on the fire.... you on the other hand are putting the fire out every time you do not respond to her and her nasty ways,  DONT GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS!  As for your family,  if they are so blind they cannot see what is happening, then let them get on with it, why should you care what she shares with them, she is on a mission to make things unhappy / miserable for you what ever you do. 

Please don't make any plans to buy her a Christmas gift, even if you feel tempted at the last hour, it is all about you being in charge of the situation now.   You can do it.

Your plans for therapy for the new year are a positive step for you.  x

mydreamality

What difficult situation. I'm genuinely sorry that you have to go through this. It is easier said than done, but distancing yourself from her would be the best thing for yourself and your family. Hang in there x

MrsStepford

She has emailed and I didn't even read it. I am sure she must have realised that it's pointless calling me, as I have caller display. I feel somewhat guilty because I'm not buying her Christmas presents, but she would take it as a sign that everything was back to 'normal'. For me, the worse thing, above everything, was when she hoped that my husband would die and leave me on my own. That was spiteful. After she did it the first time, I told her that crossed a line and I would walk away if she did it again. Obviously she didn't listen and she wanted to hurt me deliberately.

She told me that I was only sticking around for her money. Another lie, all I have ever asked for, is a painting by a painter & decorator, bought off the restaurant wall in a French village. She made a snide remark about putting her in a home (which she did to her mother) but I had already refused power of attorney, so that won't arise. 

I feel much happier without her in my life. That is sad, but it seems to me, she had this idea of the perfect daughter and I didn't measure up. I got called abnormal for not liking supermarket shopping. 

olgadapolga

MrsStepford said:

She has emailed and I didn't even read it. I am sure she must have realised that it's pointless calling me, as I have caller display. I feel somewhat guilty because I'm not buying her Christmas presents, but she would take it as a sign that everything was back to 'normal'. For me, the worse thing, above everything, was when she hoped that my husband would die and leave me on my own. That was spiteful. After she did it the first time, I told her that crossed a line and I would walk away if she did it again. Obviously she didn't listen and she wanted to hurt me deliberately.

She told me that I was only sticking around for her money. Another lie, all I have ever asked for, is a painting by a painter & decorator, bought off the restaurant wall in a French village. She made a snide remark about putting her in a home (which she did to her mother) but I had already refused power of attorney, so that won't arise. 

I feel much happier without her in my life. That is sad, but it seems to me, she had this idea of the perfect daughter and I didn't measure up. I got called abnormal for not liking supermarket shopping. 

Well, I think that you've been incredibly tolerant of a nasty, self-centred, exceedingly cruel person. If my mother had said that she hoped my husband would die then I would have cut her off there and then. That's a step too far for anyone.

Well done on sticking to your decision to ignore her. You're doing well, it's a hard thing to do but you already appear to be reaping the benefits of your decision.

As for feeling guilty about not buying her Christmas presents, why not spend the money in something worthwhile - if not your husband or yourself, then a charity donation?

Hope that the home re-organisation is going well.

MrsStepford

Thank you @olgadapolga the house revamp is going well. I'm also proud of how much money I'm saving by shopping around. I got a table lamp from Amazon which was under half price compared to manufacturer's online shop and £20 cheaper than Homebase. Last year I came up with loads of ideas for husband, this year, not so much. I've ordered a desk plaque with his name and professional letters after it, a Rubik's cube (neither of us ever had one), that book with the Olive and Mabel labradors and a real horn pocket comb. He's taking a box of gluten-free food to the food bank tomorrow. 

When the pandemic is over, I think we'll go on holiday to Wiltshire again or West Country and stay self-catering in a farm cottage.  

AnotherJoe

Change your phone number, delete her emails. Go no contact.

mydreamality

MrsStepford said:

She has emailed and I didn't even read it. I am sure she must have realised that it's pointless calling me, as I have caller display. I feel somewhat guilty because I'm not buying her Christmas presents, but she would take it as a sign that everything was back to 'normal'. For me, the worse thing, above everything, was when she hoped that my husband would die and leave me on my own. That was spiteful. After she did it the first time, I told her that crossed a line and I would walk away if she did it again. Obviously she didn't listen and she wanted to hurt me deliberately.

She told me that I was only sticking around for her money. Another lie, all I have ever asked for, is a painting by a painter & decorator, bought off the restaurant wall in a French village. She made a snide remark about putting her in a home (which she did to her mother) but I had already refused power of attorney, so that won't arise. 

I feel much happier without her in my life. That is sad, but it seems to me, she had this idea of the perfect daughter and I didn't measure up. I got called abnormal for not liking supermarket shopping. 

I think you're doing well coping. I was especially pleased to read that you decided not to buy Christmas gifts! That's a big step because it goes to show your stance! Good for you! x

MrsStepford

I have caller display on landline and cellphone but if I changed our landline number that would mean notifying banks, PayPal etc etc and it's way too much hassle whereas I can just check the phones. . 

The painting will happen in spring with better light but otherwise I have finished bedroom and nearly finished husband's home office space. It worked as a distraction but now I'm back to not sleeping well. However, we will be watching lots of rugby over next few weekends and I can get into that, hopefully. Also decluttering to make space for long neglected hobbies eg violin, scrapbooking, Pilates plus the new exercise bike. 

I am still intending to get counselling and am thinking of bringing that forward, before Christmas. 

Thank you everyone for the support, it means a lot xxx

ladyholly

See if your land line provider can block the numbers that you dont want to har from i.e your Mother and any other relatives that decide to take her part. You have put up with more than enough.