Dealing with my difficult mother

MrsStepford

Husband deletes her messages, he does précis them. I'm not the least bit jealous of the witch. She abused me as a child, was never supportive to me, took me for granted and that's her tough luck. I don't want to know, especially because she wished my husband dead. Think she's probably realising that her son and daughter-in-law don't give her the attention that we did. 

Pollycat

MrsStepford said:

Husband deletes her messages, he does précis them. I'm not the least bit jealous of the witch. She abused me as a child, was never supportive to me, took me for granted and that's her tough luck. I don't want to know, especially because she wished my husband dead. Think she's probably realising that her son and daughter-in-law don't give her the attention that we did. 

But why does he do that?
Why not delete immediately?

You say you don't want to know but are you really sure you don't...?

There are ways to stop knowing about her but you don't seem to want to take those steps despite being advised again and again over the 3 years that this thread has been active to do exactly that.

In fact the very first reply on your thread was:

MovingForwards said:

Easiest thing to do is cut her out your life, if you want to. Don't answer the phone, don't visit etc.

MrsStepford

I don't call her, email or text her. I have zero contact with her. I am going to tell my brother that if he doesn't stop her harassing me/us that I will get lawyer and police involved. He knows where she lives now but I don't. 

Angelica123

Three years later, it sounds like your mum still has a massive hold on you. It is time to start changing some of the things you do. 

Firstly, change your landline phone provider to one that will allow you to block her number. Many providers will allow you do to that. You can carry your same number over (I know you have been reluctant to change numbers). There is no reason why you should still be getting messages from her. 

Secondly, ask your husband not to tell you about any messages he sees from your mum. I know you previously have felt that it was controlling to tell your husband what to do but it is really not controlling to tell someone how they can best help you. Him summarising messages is only keeping you in the thick of it all and not helping you move on. 

Thirdly, please revisit psychotherapy. If you go privately, you can see someone within weeks if not days. Choose someone who is experienced with dealing with abuse. It would be helpful for you to talk to a third party who is disinterested (after all, your husband is not disinterested, and I don't think an internet forum will cut it). It won't be easy because there's a lot to unpick here and it's painful. You have made huge steps in trying to cut her out, but there is a lot of work still to do. 

MrsStepford

Yesterday one of my cousins told me that she had discovered that my birth mother in Norfolk, passed away in October. None of our cousins in Norfolk had told us so we weren't able to go to the crematorium. She rejected me as a baby, albeit heavily influenced by my adoptive father, as they were friends, ten years before I was born. She rejected two letters from me, although it was apparent that the photos had been looked at as they were in the wrong order.

It was my birthday today and I received a rant voicemail from my adoptive mother which neither of us listened to. I have managed to block her number on my mobile which is an improvement. I got a card in the post, which wished me 
a happy birthday. Inside was a photocopy of a letter from my grandfather, telling her that she was a good mother. Not sure why she included it. She was cheeky to her mother, allegedly and her father killed her favourite chicken and served until as Sunday lunch, before telling her. Not sure he'd have qualified as a good parent ! 

The card etc was ripped up. I don't know what she hopes to achieve by this stuff unless I'm just the scapegoat for her narcissistic ranting. 

I have had four years of this and enough is enough. Letter going around the family telling them what I have had to put up with and that I will be collecting any further stuff from her as evidence of Harassment. 

tooldle

“I have had four years of this and enough is enough. Letter going around the family telling them what I have had to put up with and that I will be collecting any further stuff from her as evidence of Harassment”

please take proper advice before doing the above, especially if you intend sending your letter to family members who have ceased contact with you.