Dealing with my difficult mother

Savvy_Sue

MoneySeeker1 said:

Buying a phone "just for her" could be done very cheaply the last I knew if it came to it. I thought I'd need a new one recently and would have been able to buy one easily for less than £10 (think there was even one available at the time for £1!!!!). These being very basic old-style mobiles and a lot of us have been buying that sort of mobile phone deliberately since start of Lockdown - so there should be a reasonable choice of them now.
EDIT; just checked Argos website - £2.50 for the cheapest basic mobile phone currently from them.

So that's one way to deal with her generally - though she is within her rights not to isolate and not to wear a mask (because we are all within our rights not to do that). Her other behaviour sounds unreasonable though.

I don't know what you'd pay for the cheapest SIM, but you're right, Vodafone have a mobile for £1. You then pay £10 for a SIM, get PAYG rather than a bundle and the credit will last forever, because the OP ain't going to be phoning mother on it ... 

MoneySeeker1

Very true about "credit will last forever". My own (basic style) mobile phone is PAYG and really only kept for two purposes - when visiting elsewhere in the country and to carry round with me (switched off) in case I need a phone booth for emergencies (as there's very unlikely to be one these days).

I've still got about £20 credit on my phone from last visit "away" (ie what wasn't used in February) and it's only going to get "nibbled away at" by making a quick phone call from my mobile to my landline phone every few weeks to make sure Virgin can't say it's a "dead" phone and grab my unused phone credit off it.

Admits to not really understanding why anyone would have a smartphone basically anyway - unless they have a career type job. Basic mobile, landline phone and a computer of some description = job done for those only with jobs/the retired/unemployed.

MrsStepford

I have a smartphone as does husband plus another work smartphone. My debit card was scammed and bank suggested PayPal. If I'm using Kindle rather than laptop, then PayPal will send a text confirmation code to my mobile phone which expires in ten mins. Before Covid-19, I could be on a train, in the car or in the garden and still able to check my email and order shopping. I can listen to music, surf the internet, play Candy Crush... In the car, I have another bit of tech, which is a mobile WiFi router. It plugs in the 12v port for power and then you hook up phone, tablet and laptop to it wirelessly. Can then surf, play games, call etc. I can use it at home if broadband goes down, I think. Works out cheaper than data etc via phone. 

My beloved took presents down to my mother. Rang bell and left them in clear plastic bags on doorstep. Just as he was getting into car, she opened door and shouted across thank you. She didn't ask how he was (or me) and wasn't friendly.

I'm not expecting a thank you for her presents. Quite likely that my brother and SIL will see her tomorrow and she'll do the woe is me act. Bro doesn't have our phone number, but if she gives it to him, I might get a phone call. I'd be inclined to hang up. 

Things have started arriving for the projects.. two bedside tables and a chest of drawers, wall art, candlewick bedspread (our first ever), blanket.. am working hard cleaning and decluttering. Slept well last night as kerknackered. 

Abbafan1972

I hope you are ok @MrsStepford but can I ask why you are buying presents for her?

MrsStepford

I had bought many of them previously, that's why my husband took them down there. I won't be buying any more.  

I'm feeling well knackered today actually, as been cleaning Edwardian floorboards while husband has been continuing to put furniture together. But it does mean that I sleep better and it's amazing how bedside cabinets can hide clutter. 

It feels like as I declutter our most private space, that I'm decluttering not just the room, but my thoughts and my life. Taking back control, somewhat. The room looks really different already and feels more relaxing.  

Got an email from my mother today. I was tempted to bin it but I did read it. Sounds like she thinks that because she did get birthday presents, that everything is OK.  I'm done though. Hoping that my husband dies, so that I know what if feels like, for the second time, was the last straw for me. No way back from that. 

olgadapolga

MrsStepford said:

I had bought many of them previously, that's why my husband took them down there. I won't be buying any more.  

I'm feeling well knackered today actually, as been cleaning Edwardian floorboards while husband has been continuing to put furniture together. But it does mean that I sleep better and it's amazing how bedside cabinets can hide clutter. 

It feels like as I declutter our most private space, that I'm decluttering not just the room, but my thoughts and my life. Taking back control, somewhat. The room looks really different already and feels more relaxing.  

Got an email from my mother today. I was tempted to bin it but I did read it. Sounds like she thinks that because she did get birthday presents, that everything is OK.  I'm done though. Hoping that my husband dies, so that I know what if feels like, for the second time, was the last straw for me. No way back from that. 

I am so sorry that your mother said that to you, about your husband. That's just pure evil. And she's completely self-centred, which is why she thinks that birthday gifts = everything's okay. IMO, you are well rid of her. 

Glad that you are sleeping better. Sometimes it just takes the courage to make a firm decision and stick to it, for your life to improve beyond words. 

Decluttering is such a wonderful way of clearing your mind. Hiding stuff doesn't always work for me, as I KNOW that there is stuff in the cupboards that really needs to go. But it's nice having a tidy room, even if the cupboards are stuffed full.

missile

You don't need that evil spirited woman in your life. You owe her nothing. Clean break is the only way. Bar her number on your phone. Block her e mail. Return any letters "gone away". 

MoneySeeker1

That is another very nasty comment of "hoping your husband dies - so you know what it feels like". Definitely nasty and scraping the bottom of the barrel there on her part.

I'd be tempted to reply back to that comment of "Well - I've got lots of friends that have always ever been single. So I'm sure they can tell me helpful hints as to how to manage when you are always the only one that's ever going to stick up for you and empathise with me - if it comes to it".

But it's not worth pointing out that you'd get support/empathy from us "permanent singles" on that one (ie of always ever being the only reliable advocate for oneself - and when people are more likely to "try it on" with a single woman than a married woman or a single man anyway (grr!).

As before - just say nothing to her. A decent-spirited person will turn round and be glad of someone else having something/someone "good in their life" even if they haven't got it themselves.

So - again - just ignore her. 

MrsStepford

Another nasty comment but not I assure you, the bottom of the barrel. 

I'm not getting into any dialogue with her. The spitefulness about my husband may not be the worst comment that she's ever made, but we were both really upset. I told her that was unacceptable, the first time she said it. 

She sent me another email saying 'The flowers are lovely. xx' I didn't respond. Call me cynical, but I think her enjoyment is more due to them costing £40 at M&S. If they cost £40 from ASDA she wouldn't be so enthused. 

MrsStepford

My mother has taken to emailing me. I am not responding, because I don't want any trail which she can print and use to tell the rest of the family that it's all lies and she's the reasonable one. I'm a bit worried that she will give my phone number or email to family members so they can harangue me, as they did once .before

Husband's home office space is done apart from a rug or rugs. My blood glucose is coming down, but slower than I want. I've also started buying husband's Christmas presents. 

Think I will go for counselling in New Year.