Dealing with my difficult mother

Savvy_Sue

Another system which I've encountered is one where you need to announce who you are, giving the person taking the call the option of taking the call or not. I think it was TrueCall which you can google but there are others. 

MrsStepford

I really won't be tempted to answer the phone. We have quite high home security too as previous neighbour was a neighbour from Hell. I did try phone provider for landline. They said they can't block one number but they can change it free of charge, It's hassle though, because I can ignore her phone #. None of my family lives within my area code. 

MrsStepford

Update : My mother called me this morning. I picked the phone up, looked at the number, put phone back in cradle and went back to sleep. Unlike her, I don't get up at 0600

KxMx

I know from personal experience it can feel strange at times taking back control, and wrong sometimes too, but mostly pretty darn good and very liberating. 

MrsStepford

Received an email from my mother this morning: " I telephoned and left a message, but you haven't called me. Do I take it that you don't wish to speak to me ? I don't like this situation but I'm not entirely to blame "

After I picked myself up off the floor, figuratively speaking, I deleted it. I'm not feeling guilty now and won't be emailing back. If I can mark as spam, I won't even see them in future. "I'm not entirely to blame" gets me. The last time we did talk, back in October, I told her that I was intending to seek counselling. Her response was " Well, I should speak to her too and put my side". and I was left thinking 'what side is there when you broke stuff and blamed your child, so that she would get punished ?' 

Nope, not feeling guilty and I made the right decision,

olgadapolga

MrsStepford said:

Received an email from my mother this morning: " I telephoned and left a message, but you haven't called me. Do I take it that you don't wish to speak to me ? I don't like this situation but I'm not entirely to blame "

After I picked myself up off the floor, figuratively speaking, I deleted it. I'm not feeling guilty now and won't be emailing back. If I can mark as spam, I won't even see them in future. "I'm not entirely to blame" gets me. The last time we did talk, back in October, I told her that I was intending to seek counselling. Her response was " Well, I should speak to her too and put my side". and I was left thinking 'what side is there when you broke stuff and blamed your child, so that she would get punished ?' 

Nope, not feeling guilty and I made the right decision,

Yes, you have. She is no longer controlling you. You must feel so much better, having that weight lifted from you. Keep going, it'll get easier.

And do mark her email address as "spam" as you'll be taking back even more control.

MrsStepford

I just want to get on with my life and spend time with my husband. I had to call her every day and if I was late (in her eyes) she would call me and whinge.  So I expect the phone will start ringing incessantly but I will diconnect it if necessary. 

jennystarpepper

MrsStepford said:

"I'm not entirely to blame" gets me. The last time we did talk, back in October, I told her that I was intending to seek counselling. Her response was " Well, I should speak to her too and put my side". and I was left thinking 'what side is there when you broke stuff and blamed your child, so that she would get punished ?' 

Nope, not feeling guilty and I made the right decision,

Her message to you made me laugh,  it's all about her!  I don't think she will ever see / admit what she has done is abuse and wanting to talk to your therapist says it all.

You definitely made the right decision,  your doing really well.  

Christmas might make things difficult and she probably will attempt to make you guilty and abuse you further,  just remember when you don't give in your getting better and taking control back.   Think about what you would have spent on her and treat yourself to the same amount. 

MrsStepford

You're so right. Absolutely, she is a narcissist. Some of the other things she's done are so lacking in empathy and so unsupportive, that I wouldn't even post about them, because no-one would believe me. But basically, she thinks she is the Mother and therefore can't be wrong and doesn't need to apologise.

I daresay she will try to get my brother to talk to me, before Christmas but he may push back.on that. We've had her for 8 out of last 10 Christmases. Would have been 9/10 but day before Christmas Eve 2018 ~IIRC, she announced that she would be going to my brother's as he had invited her brother. She also told my brother a couple of times that we had already invited her so we had to host.

When I realised that she was ignoring all coronavirus precautions in Lockdown 1, I told her she couldn't come here for Christmas. She didn't like it much. So this year, no nut roast because she's veggie. We have roast duck !  Husband is really happy to have "proper food".

As I'm not going anywhere, I don't need makeup or new clothes, so there's really not much I want for myself. I will spend money on our home, continuing to keep it cosy and relaxing. Now that husband is working from home, it's even more important. 

jennystarpepper

MrsStepford said:

You're so right. Absolutely, she is a narcissist. Some of the other things she's done are so lacking in empathy and so unsupportive, that I wouldn't even post about them, because no-one would believe me. But basically, she thinks she is the Mother and therefore can't be wrong and doesn't need to apologise.

I daresay she will try to get my brother to talk to me, before Christmas but he may push back.on that. We've had her for 8 out of last 10 Christmases. Would have been 9/10 but day before Christmas Eve 2018 ~IIRC, she announced that she would be going to my brother's as he had invited her brother. She also told my brother a couple of times that we had already invited her so we had to host.

When I realised that she was ignoring all coronavirus precautions in Lockdown 1, I told her she couldn't come here for Christmas. She didn't like it much. So this year, no nut roast because she's veggie. We have roast duck !  Husband is really happy to have "proper food".

As I'm not going anywhere, I don't need makeup or new clothes, so there's really not much I want for myself. I will spend money on our home, continuing to keep it cosy and relaxing. Now that husband is working from home, it's even more important. 

Good for you, onwards and upwards.    X