I've really messed up

lesalanos

11 months ago you never knew that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him.

Now you have fallen in love you have opened up and told him everything.

It would have been easy to tell him you had lost your job, tough getting another in this climate but you took the brave decision to tell him 

nora_nora

pollyanna_26 said:

nora_nora said:

I'm sorry but i just can't sugar coat this for you. You talk repeatedly about how you feel about it & maybe that's part of the problem here. How do you suppose he might be feeling at the moment? Right now he probably feels cheated, made a fool of, taken for a ride, deceived, lied to, hurt, humiliated, stupid, scared, and a whole lot more but you seem more concerned about how you feel. At least that how it comes over in your posts. I think the kindest thing you can do is just let him go and move on. Just don't omit the fact you're an escort next time. 

I believe the OP is talking about how she is feeling as she has no idea how he is feeling at the moment. She has stated she's wondering how he is etc.

I'm not convinced letting him go is the answer. The choice is his and no one elses. I've experience of a number of women who ended up in escort work. From what I've read however this goes the OP will not be returning to her old job. She's had a real life wake up call and was already planning a different way of earning. People don't go into that line of work lightly. Often it's the only choice in desperate times.

Personally I would never judge anyone unless I'd walked a mile in their shoes.

polly

The OP had all the power in this situation. He didn't. He might not have wanted to be in a relationship with an escort & it doesn't exactly treat him respectfully to remove that choice from him. My sympathy is with him. It isn't about judging people. It's about treating people fairly & i don't think he has been treated fairly. The OP didn't tell him because she was thinking of herself and what she wanted and is now paying the price. We're not just talking about forgetting to mention you once shop lifted a Cadburys creme egg when you were 12 years old. Some betrayals are harder to forgive.

AskAsk

nora_nora said:

pollyanna_26 said:

nora_nora said:

I'm sorry but i just can't sugar coat this for you. You talk repeatedly about how you feel about it & maybe that's part of the problem here. How do you suppose he might be feeling at the moment? Right now he probably feels cheated, made a fool of, taken for a ride, deceived, lied to, hurt, humiliated, stupid, scared, and a whole lot more but you seem more concerned about how you feel. At least that how it comes over in your posts. I think the kindest thing you can do is just let him go and move on. Just don't omit the fact you're an escort next time. 

I believe the OP is talking about how she is feeling as she has no idea how he is feeling at the moment. She has stated she's wondering how he is etc.

I'm not convinced letting him go is the answer. The choice is his and no one elses. I've experience of a number of women who ended up in escort work. From what I've read however this goes the OP will not be returning to her old job. She's had a real life wake up call and was already planning a different way of earning. People don't go into that line of work lightly. Often it's the only choice in desperate times.

Personally I would never judge anyone unless I'd walked a mile in their shoes.

polly

The OP had all the power in this situation. He didn't. He might not have wanted to be in a relationship with an escort & it doesn't exactly treat him respectfully to remove that choice from him. My sympathy is with him. It isn't about judging people. It's about treating people fairly & i don't think he has been treated fairly. The OP didn't tell him because she was thinking of herself and what she wanted and is now paying the price. We're not just talking about forgetting to mention you once shop lifted a Cadburys creme egg when you were 12 years old. Some betrayals are harder to forgive.

he has been misled into a relationship where he didn't really know the OP at all.  she had a secret life that she hid from him.  a bit like you have been with someone, then 11 months down the line, they tell you they are actually married with kids and that they have hid that from you.
i just can't see how he would be able to overlook this and accept that they can continue, unless he himself has something to hide.

Apintplease

I have to admit Ive skipped the last two pages of posts so apologies if this has already been offered

You have just gone through very traumatic time and now is not the time to be rushing into things in order to make yourself " more worthy, more lovable, more normal"

I ( and I can only talk as I ) would take a step back and give myself breathing space before deciding on my next move

You give a lot of reasons as to why you have lead the life you have so far. Have yo really actually addressed them? Or are you quite happy to continue life laying blame at what went before?

There is a load of help out there for people like yourself

A quick google had brought up

Beyond The Streets

Young Womens Trust

The Maya Centre

With a bit of searching Im sure you can find more

Find the help out there to say goodbye to your past and find the support to move your life forward. You can find a NMW job to get you by, you are no longer paying for a work place nor all the bits and pieces required to work so theres a few extra pound to get by on till you get back on your feet

All the very best of luck

onomatopoeia99

DizzyDizzy10 said:

As for womens refuges. I tried to talk to one person at an Escort support service about something that had happened and she just  made out it was part of the job.

Basis in Leeds seem well regarded.  I know they operate in the Holbeck managed zone supporting women doing street, so maybe not the same sort of support you were looking for.

Having a huge secret that you're scared to tell does not make you a terrible person, nor does the work you did. Sex work is work, and it is work legal under English law.  You may find yourself despressed at how many hours you have to work in a shop to make the same money you made in one hour escorting though.

Anyway, as usual for this place, a bunch of judgy, holier-than-thou people jumped on this topic.  Suggest you ignore them.

Hope the future turns out well for you.

AskAsk

nora_nora said:

AskAsk said:

nora_nora said:

pollyanna_26 said:

nora_nora said:

I'm sorry but i just can't sugar coat this for you. You talk repeatedly about how you feel about it & maybe that's part of the problem here. How do you suppose he might be feeling at the moment? Right now he probably feels cheated, made a fool of, taken for a ride, deceived, lied to, hurt, humiliated, stupid, scared, and a whole lot more but you seem more concerned about how you feel. At least that how it comes over in your posts. I think the kindest thing you can do is just let him go and move on. Just don't omit the fact you're an escort next time. 

I believe the OP is talking about how she is feeling as she has no idea how he is feeling at the moment. She has stated she's wondering how he is etc.

I'm not convinced letting him go is the answer. The choice is his and no one elses. I've experience of a number of women who ended up in escort work. From what I've read however this goes the OP will not be returning to her old job. She's had a real life wake up call and was already planning a different way of earning. People don't go into that line of work lightly. Often it's the only choice in desperate times.

Personally I would never judge anyone unless I'd walked a mile in their shoes.

polly

The OP had all the power in this situation. He didn't. He might not have wanted to be in a relationship with an escort & it doesn't exactly treat him respectfully to remove that choice from him. My sympathy is with him. It isn't about judging people. It's about treating people fairly & i don't think he has been treated fairly. The OP didn't tell him because she was thinking of herself and what she wanted and is now paying the price. We're not just talking about forgetting to mention you once shop lifted a Cadburys creme egg when you were 12 years old. Some betrayals are harder to forgive.

he has been misled into a relationship where he didn't really know the OP at all.  she had a secret life that she hid from him.  a bit like you have been with someone, then 11 months down the line, they tell you they are actually married with kids and that they have hid that from you.
i just can't see how he would be able to overlook this and accept that they can continue, unless he himself has something to hide.

Bit like on Jerry Springer when your stunning girlfriend forgot to tell you she was actually born Bernard.

lol.  that is an interesting comment.  i think the OP being an escort is harder to swallow than someone hiding that they have transgendered.  but that would also fall into the category of deceit.

DizzyDizzy10

I appreciate everyone commenting. Thank you. Sorry for this early reply I have been up most of the night, worrying about my boyfriend and how he is. 

I could have told him I lost my job due to COVID-19 but in my head I wouldn't have been able to draw a line under the whole situation. I felt I needed to be truthful before anything else, because even though I lied at the beginning and kept something from him, I wanted to remove that and be truthful. I know I'm deceitful and not the best person out there, I just needed to do it.

As for getting help. I admit I do need to talk about things about my past, about my work (I'm not going to say it was all roses it was anything but) and as soon as my GPs online service opens I am going to put a request in to talk to a doctor and start that process.

As for getting depressed about not earning as much money working in a job that isn't escorting. It wouldn't bother me. If I come back in 12 months  and say "I've got a job in a shop scanning items whilst getting some qualifications" I'll be really happy having my boyfriend by my side during that time would be the most amazing icing on the cake. But I appreciate I have really hurt him and misled him so I need to wait for him and see what he says. 

Grumpy_chap

This announcement may be of interest to you in getting some qualifications.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-54330880

74jax

He asked to see your emails. And to send him proof.
You did and he said you didn't need to.
Why ask you if hes then going to reply this.
I would concentrate on getting you feeling better without having to think of someone else.
Learn to like the new you, if you don't like the old you.
Your know what you want in your next relationship, be strong, learn about yourself and change only what you want to. 

DizzyDizzy10

Grumpy_chap said:

This announcement may be of interest to you in getting some qualifications.

Thank you. I will enquire with my local council.

I have also submitted a request to talk to my GP, So just waiting for them.