I've really messed up

DizzyDizzy10

74jax said:

He asked to see your emails. And to send him proof.
You did and he said you didn't need to.
Why ask you if hes then going to reply this.
I would concentrate on getting you feeling better without having to think of someone else.
Learn to like the new you, if you don't like the old you.
Your know what you want in your next relationship, be strong, learn about yourself and change only what you want to. 

I honestly think he said it out of anger/shock. He has every right to feel those things. 
He has made me find the new me. 

nora_nora

onomatopoeia99 said:

DizzyDizzy10 said:

As for womens refuges. I tried to talk to one person at an Escort support service about something that had happened and she just  made out it was part of the job.

Basis in Leeds seem well regarded.  I know they operate in the Holbeck managed zone supporting women doing street, so maybe not the same sort of support you were looking for.

Having a huge secret that you're scared to tell does not make you a terrible person, nor does the work you did. Sex work is work, and it is work legal under English law.  You may find yourself despressed at how many hours you have to work in a shop to make the same money you made in one hour escorting though.

Anyway, as usual for this place, a bunch of judgy, holier-than-thou people jumped on this topic.  Suggest you ignore them.

Hope the future turns out well for you.

Well of course, who cares about the boyfriends feelings in all this? 

nora_nora

I certainly hope the boyfriend has as many people rallying around supporting him as the person who knowingly deceived him for nearly a year appears to be getting.  His trust in the opposite sex must have been shattered by this experience, but very few people on this thread even seem bothered about how he might be feeling which speaks volumes. Try and remember the OP is not the victim in this scenario. She knew the truth. He didn't. 

DizzyDizzy10

nora_nora said:

I certainly hope the boyfriend has as many people rallying around supporting him as the person who knowingly deceived him for nearly a year appears to be getting.  His trust in the opposite sex must have been shattered by this experience, but very few people on this thread even seem bothered about how he might be feeling which speaks volumes. Try and remember the OP is not the victim in this scenario. She knew the truth. He didn't. 

I totally accept responsibility and this is entirely my fault. There is no escaping or denying that. 
I know I am a really bad person. 

nora_nora

DizzyDizzy10 said:

nora_nora said:

I certainly hope the boyfriend has as many people rallying around supporting him as the person who knowingly deceived him for nearly a year appears to be getting.  His trust in the opposite sex must have been shattered by this experience, but very few people on this thread even seem bothered about how he might be feeling which speaks volumes. Try and remember the OP is not the victim in this scenario. She knew the truth. He didn't. 

I totally accept responsibility and this is entirely my fault. There is no escaping or denying that. 
I know I am a really bad person. 

Again, you are focusing on DizzyDizzy10. Try to look beyond wallowing in self pity. Another life may well be in ruins here. Has anyone even questioned where his mental health might be right now?

DizzyDizzy10

nora_nora said:

DizzyDizzy10 said:

nora_nora said:

I certainly hope the boyfriend has as many people rallying around supporting him as the person who knowingly deceived him for nearly a year appears to be getting.  His trust in the opposite sex must have been shattered by this experience, but very few people on this thread even seem bothered about how he might be feeling which speaks volumes. Try and remember the OP is not the victim in this scenario. She knew the truth. He didn't. 

I totally accept responsibility and this is entirely my fault. There is no escaping or denying that. 
I know I am a really bad person. 

Again, you are focusing on DizzyDizzy10. Try to look beyond wallowing in self pity. Another life may well be in ruins here. Has anyone even questioned where his mental health might be right now?

I have been up all night worrying about him. His mental health will be all over the place and I am sure his head/mind is a mess too. 

lesalanos

nora_nora said:

DizzyDizzy10 said:

nora_nora said:

I certainly hope the boyfriend has as many people rallying around supporting him as the person who knowingly deceived him for nearly a year appears to be getting.  His trust in the opposite sex must have been shattered by this experience, but very few people on this thread even seem bothered about how he might be feeling which speaks volumes. Try and remember the OP is not the victim in this scenario. She knew the truth. He didn't. 

I totally accept responsibility and this is entirely my fault. There is no escaping or denying that. 
I know I am a really bad person. 

Again, you are focusing on DizzyDizzy10. Try to look beyond wallowing in self pity. Another life may well be in ruins here. Has anyone even questioned where his mental health might be right now?

She was saying that she took responsibility... For everything.. not just herself 

Aranyani

DizzyDizzy10 said:

74jax said:

He asked to see your emails. And to send him proof.
You did and he said you didn't need to.
Why ask you if hes then going to reply this.
I would concentrate on getting you feeling better without having to think of someone else.
Learn to like the new you, if you don't like the old you.
Your know what you want in your next relationship, be strong, learn about yourself and change only what you want to. 

He has made me find the new me. 

You are not a different person, you are the same person you have always been.  Denying your past and imaging it was someone else won't be any use to you in moving on from it. 

nora_nora

lesalanos said:

nora_nora said:

DizzyDizzy10 said:

nora_nora said:

I certainly hope the boyfriend has as many people rallying around supporting him as the person who knowingly deceived him for nearly a year appears to be getting.  His trust in the opposite sex must have been shattered by this experience, but very few people on this thread even seem bothered about how he might be feeling which speaks volumes. Try and remember the OP is not the victim in this scenario. She knew the truth. He didn't. 

I totally accept responsibility and this is entirely my fault. There is no escaping or denying that. 
I know I am a really bad person. 

Again, you are focusing on DizzyDizzy10. Try to look beyond wallowing in self pity. Another life may well be in ruins here. Has anyone even questioned where his mental health might be right now?

She was saying that she took responsibility... For everything.. not just herself 

To be honest i find it quite telling how many females replying to this thread haven't even motioned & don't seem to give much of a hoot about the feelings of the man in this scenario and instead see the woman as the poor innocent victim of circumstance, which says a lot about the sort of things they would be equally happy to omit telling their partners about. It's quite shocking really looking at it that way. 

Morglin

DizzyDizzy10 said:

6nora_nora said:

DizzyDizzy10 

I have been up all night worrying about him. His mental health will be all over the place and I am sure his head/mind is a mess too. 

To be honest, I would really stop beating yourself up about this.  I’m a pensioner (nearly!) and I’ve been around long enough to know that we all, on occasion, make bad choices in life, of whatever type.

Most of us have a few skeletons rattling around in our closets, and I do wonder whether those so quick to judge, really have led such blameless lives.

Sex work was never my game of choice, but  unlike things like drugs, theft etc it harms no one.

it obviously wasn’t good to keep this quiet for 11 months, and you know that, but the longer you leave something, the harder it is to tell.  But, your boyfriend is a grown up....only he can decide whether he can live with this, forgive the deceit, and carry on with your relationship.  If he can’t, it’s over, and time to move on. His choice.  

Whatever the outcome, you need to concentrate on you FOR you.  You want to change things, so I’d follow up on the support services others have suggested, try and get education going, and, ultimately, get a job that you can be proud of.

If you’re worried about others knowing your past, then move when you can and start afresh.  No one need to be told anything.

To be honest, I find your parent’s behaviour appalling - why would you throw your daughter out for that?  You did well to survive as well as you have.

And your friends sound a bit off as well.  I’ve been friendly with sex workers, back in the day, and their job never affected our friendship- why would it?  Not my business really.

So, let him make his choices, and you start to make today the beginning of the rest of your life - take support where you can, and live a life you’re happy with.  If he cannot continue with you, well, there will be other fish in the sea at some point, and they wouldn’t need to know what’s past.

Good luck.

Lin😉