I've really messed up

lesalanos

nora_nora said:

lesalanos said:

nora_nora said:

DizzyDizzy10 said:

nora_nora said:

I certainly hope the boyfriend has as many people rallying around supporting him as the person who knowingly deceived him for nearly a year appears to be getting.  His trust in the opposite sex must have been shattered by this experience, but very few people on this thread even seem bothered about how he might be feeling which speaks volumes. Try and remember the OP is not the victim in this scenario. She knew the truth. He didn't. 

I totally accept responsibility and this is entirely my fault. There is no escaping or denying that. 
I know I am a really bad person. 

Again, you are focusing on DizzyDizzy10. Try to look beyond wallowing in self pity. Another life may well be in ruins here. Has anyone even questioned where his mental health might be right now?

She was saying that she took responsibility... For everything.. not just herself 

To be honest i find it quite telling how many females replying to this thread haven't even motioned & don't seem to give much of a hoot about the feelings of the man in this scenario and instead see the woman as the poor innocent victim of circumstance, which says a lot about the sort of things they would be equally happy to omit telling their partners about. It's quite shocking really looking at it that way. 

As a male I am trying to look at it from both sides without prejudice.  None of us know the OP or her man.

billy2shots

nora_nora said:

lesalanos said:

nora_nora said:

DizzyDizzy10 said:

nora_nora said:

I certainly hope the boyfriend has as many people rallying around supporting him as the person who knowingly deceived him for nearly a year appears to be getting.  His trust in the opposite sex must have been shattered by this experience, but very few people on this thread even seem bothered about how he might be feeling which speaks volumes. Try and remember the OP is not the victim in this scenario. She knew the truth. He didn't. 

I totally accept responsibility and this is entirely my fault. There is no escaping or denying that. 
I know I am a really bad person. 

Again, you are focusing on DizzyDizzy10. Try to look beyond wallowing in self pity. Another life may well be in ruins here. Has anyone even questioned where his mental health might be right now?

She was saying that she took responsibility... For everything.. not just herself 

To be honest i find it quite telling how many females replying to this thread haven't even motioned & don't seem to give much of a hoot about the feelings of the man in this scenario and instead see the woman as the poor innocent victim of circumstance, which says a lot about the sort of things they would be equally happy to omit telling their partners about. It's quite shocking really looking at it that way. 

I think you need to wind your neck in a bit. If the bf comes on here and posts a thread up , I'm sure he will get as much if not more support than the OP is getting here. 

When people post about parking tickets on MSE it is not mandatory for members to defend the car parks. 
Someone has asked for advice and advice is given to that person. We could spend all day advising the bf who will never read a word of that advice. 
What are you after? Post after post lambasting the OP? 

Nobody is condoning what the OP has done (deceiving her bf and potentially risking his health), members are just trying to help the OP to make better decisions going forward. 

Iamdebtfree

OP,

I'll probably be crucified for this but..what he didn't know couldn't have hurt him. Too late now, sadly.

 I'm the most non judgmental and open minded person on the planet yet I can't see how any bloke would be ok with his gf being or having been an escort.

 I don't get why you had to tell him. I'm sorry that I can't come up with anything more useful. Let us know how it goes..

Comms69

Morglin said:

DizzyDizzy10 said:

6nora_nora said:

DizzyDizzy10 

I have been up all night worrying about him. His mental health will be all over the place and I am sure his head/mind is a mess too. 

To be honest, I would really stop beating yourself up about this.  I’m a pensioner (nearly!) and I’ve been around long enough to know that we all, on occasion, make bad choices in life, of whatever type.

Most of us have a few skeletons rattling around in our closets, and I do wonder whether those so quick to judge, really have led such blameless lives.

Sex work was never my game of choice, but  unlike things like drugs, theft etc it harms no one.

it obviously wasn’t good to keep this quiet for 11 months, and you know that, but the longer you leave something, the harder it is to tell.  But, your boyfriend is a grown up....only he can decide whether he can live with this, forgive the deceit, and carry on with your relationship.  If he can’t, it’s over, and time to move on. His choice.  

Whatever the outcome, you need to concentrate on you FOR you.  You want to change things, so I’d follow up on the support services others have suggested, try and get education going, and, ultimately, get a job that you can be proud of.

If you’re worried about others knowing your past, then move when you can and start afresh.  No one need to be told anything.

To be honest, I find your parent’s behaviour appalling - why would you throw your daughter out for that?  You did well to survive as well as you have.

And your friends sound a bit off as well.  I’ve been friendly with sex workers, back in the day, and their job never affected our friendship- why would it?  Not my business really.

So, let him make his choices, and you start to make today the beginning of the rest of your life - take support where you can, and live a life you’re happy with.  If he cannot continue with you, well, there will be other fish in the sea at some point, and they wouldn’t need to know what’s past.

Good luck.

Lin😉

Except the new partner in this case?

You equate sex work to crime, but it's not a crime. Though that's quite telling in of itself

Morglin

Comms69 said:

Morglin said:

DizzyDizzy10 said:

6nora_nora said:

DizzyDizzy10 

I have been up all night worrying about him. His mental health will be all over the place and I am sure his head/mind is a mess too. 

Except the new partner in this case?

You equate sex work to crime, but it's not a crime. Though that's quite telling in of itself

I know it’s not a crime, as it used to be.  The point I was making was that, when confronted with homelessness and no means to keep yourself at a young age, many turn to sex work, drugs or crime.  Sex work, in and of itself, is victimless in that, assuming both are consenting adults, it harms no one.  Drugs and robbery do harm everyone.

However, let’s be honest.  Sex work is still looked down on by some people.  ‘Twas ever thus

The new partner will have been hurt I expect, but then he’d have been hurt, I assume, if she’d just had an affair.  It’s his choice whether to forgive and forget the deceit, or walk away.

Iamdebtfree

This situation, to me, is akin to a man or woman having had an affair, having finished it for good and then for some inexplicable reason deciding to go ruin both lives by telling their partner.

 What is the point? Why self-sabotage this way? Who would? I certainly would not. And I don't give a monkeys as to how deceitful and wrong it is. We only get one chance at life.

 He's all she seems to have in life.  

 She's done with it, she's had all the medical checks, she should never have told him. Alas, too late.

Morglin

Iamdebtfree said:

This situation, to me, is akin to a man or woman having had an affair, having finished it for good and then for some inexplicable reason deciding to go ruin both lives by telling their partner.

 What is the point? Why self-sabotage this way? Who would? I certainly would not. And I don't give a monkeys as to how deceitful and wrong it is. We only get one chance at life.

 He's all she seems to have in life.  

 She's done with it, she's had all the medical checks, she should never have told him. Alas, too late.

Well, I suppose it depends.  If her friends or anyone knew about it, there was always the chance of it coming out at some stage.  Better she told him than someone else.  And, keeping a secret can be stressful.

I don’t think past relationships etc are anything to do with a new partner, but this was a bit different.

burlingtonfl6

Your past actions have direct consequences on your future. There are hoards of young girls out there basically selling themselves on sites like onlyfans. It will come back to bite them eventually but they've been brought up in the belief they can do whatever they want because of ''girl power''.  There are also hoards of men who pay for those sites because they are ''simps''
To those of you ''men'' saying you could come to terms with the OP's job...... you are part of the problem.

Morglin

burlingtonfl6 said:

Your past actions have direct consequences on your future. There are hoards of young girls out there basically selling themselves on sites like onlyfans. It will come back to bite them eventually but they've been brought up in the belief they can do whatever they want because of ''girl power''.  There are also hoards of men who pay for those sites because they are ''simps''
To those of you ''men'' saying you could come to terms with the OP's job...... you are part of the problem.

Selling sex is the worlds oldest profession, so I don’t think it’s about modern girl power, to be honest. Some people are happy paying for sex, some are happy to provide a service.  That’s just a business transaction, no more, no less.

OP sounds quite young, so of course she can change her life if she wants to.  Plenty of ex sex workers do.  

We can all change our lives, for whatever reason, if we really want to.  

If she gets some education, gets a mainstream job, and is happy, then, in five years time, all this will just be a part of her past life, now dormant.

DizzyDizzy10

I've had the doctor on the phone. 

She was very understanding and chatted to me about what has gone on. She has said its clear I need counselling and she is arranging that for me, I explained what had happened yesterday and she agrees that it wouldn't have been good for my mental health keeping it away from my partner. She also questioned the time difference. She has prescribed some tablets for me to help me sleep. She has also referred me to for a check up at the GUM because she wants to make sure everything is ok She has also booked me in for a follow up appointment in 2 weeks 

She was lovely.