Asking boyfriend to leave at short notice

nora_nora

MalMonroe said:

TBagpuss said:

Well done for having got rid.

In relation to the other items, send him a message stating a deadline for him to collect them, the terms for doing so (e.g. give him 3 choices for specific date / times to collect and tell him how to contact you to confirm which date he wants (consider setting up a throwaway e-mail account to use solely for this purposse, then you can delete it once the time has passed) ) and state explicitly that if they are not collected you will assume that they have been abandoned and will dispose of them. 

I agree with the advice to let your friends at the shared hobby know the situation (very briefly - just say that you have had to tell him to leave and that you were forced to contact the police due to his abusive behavior and that you don't want to come into contact with him and are concerned that he may try to lie about what happened to cover up his actions)

That's terrible advice. OP shouldn't text him or message him at all now. She has said that she's going to get advice on what to do with his possessions. But she definitely does NOT want him going to her home ever again.

If he wants his stuff my best suggestion would be to leave it outside and he can get it when he likes. Or if he doesn't, it goes in the bin. 

I agree there should be no contact of any sort ever again. 

JReacher1

I’m not 100% sure it was the dog that urinated on the doormat 😂

nora_nora

I still want to know what sort of hobby attracts such unhinged people into your life.  I'm guessing it wasn't stamp collecting? lol

Grumpysally

Why not stamp collecting

To be fair, it was only one unhinged person and to be fair again these kinds of people are very good at hiding their real personality whilst everything is going their way. More likely he chose to join that particular hobby in order to meet someone he could snare. May be he'll move on to another hobby once he's exhausted all possibilities in this one.

I'm assuming PO isn't saying what it is in order to remain anonymous

princeofpounds

Re the possessions left behind - this is a situation called 'bailment' (you can google it). Basically, you do have an obligation to take reasonable care of his stuff, and offer a reasonable opportunity to collect. But once that is done, you can dispose of or sell the goods. Any proceeds of sale should be given to him, you are allowed to deduct costs and reasonable storage fees (basically nothing for small domestic possessions, a few quid maybe).

It's all a civil matter, so the worst that can happen is that he sues you for the goods if you dealt with them improperly. It is not theft, because you did not steal them - he left them with you.

AskAsk

nora_nora said:

I still want to know what sort of hobby attracts such unhinged people into your life.  I'm guessing it wasn't stamp collecting? lol

it is obviously a hobby that one does not like to brag about.  although having said that i learnt not put stamp collecting as a hobby on my CV as that put people off, lol 

nora_nora

AskAsk said:

nora_nora said:

I still want to know what sort of hobby attracts such unhinged people into your life.  I'm guessing it wasn't stamp collecting? lol

it is obviously a hobby that one does like to brag about.  although having said that i learnt not put stamp collecting as a hobby on my CV as that put people off, lol 

Well from the dynamics in the relationship it could be one of those freaky role play things where the male likes to wear adult nappies and be bottle fed on the hour lol

JIL

nora_nora said:

AskAsk said:

nora_nora said:

I still want to know what sort of hobby attracts such unhinged people into your life.  I'm guessing it wasn't stamp collecting? lol

it is obviously a hobby that one does like to brag about.  although having said that i learnt not put stamp collecting as a hobby on my CV as that put people off, lol 

Well from the dynamics in the relationship it could be one of those freaky role play things where the male likes to wear adult nappies and be bottle fed on the hour lol

What dynamics? I think your comment says more about you than it does about the op!

AskAsk

nora_nora said:

AskAsk said:

nora_nora said:

I still want to know what sort of hobby attracts such unhinged people into your life.  I'm guessing it wasn't stamp collecting? lol

it is obviously a hobby that one does not like to brag about.  although having said that i learnt not put stamp collecting as a hobby on my CV as that put people off, lol 

Well from the dynamics in the relationship it could be one of those freaky role play things where the male likes to wear adult nappies and be bottle fed on the hour lol

steady there.  you are letting your imagination get away with you.
although that does sound like an interesting hobby, lol .  looks like a role play for old age 
by the way, for anyone reading this, i no longer collect stamps, in case anyone judges me 

TBagpuss

nora_nora said:

MalMonroe said:

TBagpuss said:

Well done for having got rid.

In relation to the other items, send him a message stating a deadline for him to collect them, the terms for doing so (e.g. give him 3 choices for specific date / times to collect and tell him how to contact you to confirm which date he wants (consider setting up a throwaway e-mail account to use solely for this purposse, then you can delete it once the time has passed) ) and state explicitly that if they are not collected you will assume that they have been abandoned and will dispose of them. 

I agree with the advice to let your friends at the shared hobby know the situation (very briefly - just say that you have had to tell him to leave and that you were forced to contact the police due to his abusive behavior and that you don't want to come into contact with him and are concerned that he may try to lie about what happened to cover up his actions)

That's terrible advice. OP shouldn't text him or message him at all now. She has said that she's going to get advice on what to do with his possessions. But she definitely does NOT want him going to her home ever again.

If he wants his stuff my best suggestion would be to leave it outside and he can get it when he likes. Or if he doesn't, it goes in the bin. 

I agree there should be no contact of any sort ever again. 

It would be great if there could be no contact, but she is not entitled to simply bin his possessions, hence the suggestion to ensure that the contact is using a separate email which she can subsequently delete. Setting specific time/sate for collection means she can then put the stuff outside so he can collect it without having access to the house, and protects her from any allegations that she retained / disposed of anything of value.