Asking boyfriend to leave at short notice

suejb2

Don’t want to be flippant but.....
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/paulsimon/50waystoleaveyourlover.html

Grumpy_chap

OP - I didn't get to the end of the post, but he needs to be got rid of ASAP.

EndlessStruggle

You come across as being a lovely, caring and kind person and he has taken advantage of your kindness. You have done more than enough for him. I think you should just tell him that the relationship is over as soon as possible and have that conversation. Ask a mutual friend to sit in?

 I think he might agree it isn't working, I think he entered into the relationship as a relationship of convenience but has feelings elsewhere/wants to be single and is acting on this. I'm not excusing him, it is totally wrong for him to act the way he is and it is disgusting. 

I really want to tell you to pack his stuff in bin bags and put it on the kerb as I think he is a right pig but I think you have to give him a reasonable time to leave. You clearly care about him even as a friend still even though you accept the relationship is over. Was the licence loss is due to drink driving? It sounds like he might have spiralled when he lost his job and you ended up caught in it.

He now has his job, he has money and has the opportunities he didn't have back then. He may surprise you and want to leave immediately and you can decide what to do about the holiday. He might want a few weeks but having the conversation rather than changing the locks might avoid the potential for backlash. He may also find it a little bit harder to find a property with a dog. If you are asking him to find a home, view a home and move into it in less than a week it probably isn't enough time. But he may have somewhere else to go. You won't know until you have the conversation. 

Daffodilly_2

Thank you all for your advice. Unfortunately despite sending me a message to say he’d be home at 8pm he hasn’t materialised again (it’s now 10.50pm) and isn’t answering his phone so I haven’t been able to speak to him. I’m so frustrated because I’m not sure how I’m supposed to give him options or notice if he won’t talk to me. I don’t want to have to do this by text or letter but he’s causing this to be dragged out and I just want to deal with this and move forwards. 

Marvel1

Clearly he has somewhere to stay, pack his things and lock change tomorrow.

es5595

Tomorrow turn up at his work and tell him you’ve locked yourself out and need his key to get back in. 

Once you’re on the way home let him know that the two of you are over, and his belongings are on the doorstep for collection. 

Then block his number from your phone and all social media accounts. 

You can do so much better than this cheating a*****e

gomer

Daffodilly_2 said:

Thank you all for your advice. Unfortunately despite sending me a message to say he’d be home at 8pm he hasn’t materialised again (it’s now 10.50pm) and isn’t answering his phone so I haven’t been able to speak to him. I’m so frustrated because I’m not sure how I’m supposed to give him options or notice if he won’t talk to me. I don’t want to have to do this by text or letter but he’s causing this to be dragged out and I just want to deal with this and move forwards. 

With respect my lovely, you are dragging this out yourself. Take control. You are not going to get your soul searching conversation about your feelings with him, so stop longing for it and take decisive action. As hard as this is going to be for you to hear - he doesn't want you. Do your own self esteem a favour and make the decision yourself, no if's no buts.  Pack his things and tell him you want him to leave, just do it and stop procrastinating. Leave his things with a mutual friend so he doesn't need to return if need be and just change the locks. Job done, he's gone & so are his things. But perhaps deep down that's not really the outcome you want?

Pollycat

Daffodilly_2 said:

Thank you all for your advice. Unfortunately despite sending me a message to say he’d be home at 8pm he hasn’t materialised again (it’s now 10.50pm) and isn’t answering his phone so I haven’t been able to speak to him. I’m so frustrated because I’m not sure how I’m supposed to give him options or notice if he won’t talk to me. I don’t want to have to do this by text or letter but he’s causing this to be dragged out and I just want to deal with this and move forwards. 

I think you need to take this advice:

Mojisola said:

After being treated like that, I'd pack up his things when he goes out and text him with a time when they can be collected from outside the front door.  Change the locks before he comes home.

And this ^^^^ was before you even mentioned the other woman and staying out until the early hours.

He is taking you for a mug and you are allowing him to do it.

gettingtheresometime

Many many moons ago my son was besotted with a girl who lived about 20 mins away.
They had arranged to meet up at her house and he duly did the public transport thing (might have only been 20mins drive but was about 50 mins on public transport) so to find when he got there she'd had a better offer and gone out without letting him know.
I picked him up and it took me 15 minutes before I exploded and told him to have some self respect. Yes he did get upset (did I mention he was besotted with her?) but it taught him  a life lesson. Never let anyone undermine your worth.
Personally I like es5595@s suggestion with the slight modification of getting the locks (back & front) changed first and then taking all his stuff to his office.

AskAsk

Daffodilly_2 said:

Thank you all for your advice. Unfortunately despite sending me a message to say he’d be home at 8pm he hasn’t materialised again (it’s now 10.50pm) and isn’t answering his phone so I haven’t been able to speak to him. I’m so frustrated because I’m not sure how I’m supposed to give him options or notice if he won’t talk to me. I don’t want to have to do this by text or letter but he’s causing this to be dragged out and I just want to deal with this and move forwards. 

i would leave him a note to ask that he moves out in a week's time.  say that things are not working out and he is doing your head in.  you have left him a note because he is never around for you to talk to him face to face.

say that you would have asked him to leave earlier but you think it is only fair to give him a week to find somewhere else to live.

then start being nasty to him when he does come home so that he will find the place very unpleasant so he doesn't want to hang around and think you will change your mind.