Asking boyfriend to leave at short notice

elsien

The police are wrong and they cannot force you to take someone back in for that length of time,  “registered address” or not. 

What they can do is say it’s a civil matter so they won’t get involved unless things kick off, which is probably what they meant when they said about you finding your own resolution. 

If you want to be sure before taking it up further with the police for their incorrect advice, give shelter a ring In the morning. They’re the housing experts. 

[Deleted User]

Daffodilly_2 said:

Ok thank you for all your responses and the comments about how I probably haven't done anything, have low self esteem, only go for bad boys etc. I feel at this point that whatever I say in my update will be criticised and so I haven't wanted to respond. I can confirm that I may be a mug but I do get to a point where enough is enough and I wasn't hoping for a 'kiss and make up'. I work in a career focused on helping people to get back on their feet so kicking someone out of the house is completely not in my nature. My sector has links with the compensation industry and so I am very aware of what can happen if I don't cover myself and this makes me very cautious, probably to my detriment. This is why I was so reluctant to just throw his stuff out or change the locks, combined with the fact that I have recently come to learn that he can be very vengeful and so I was worried about what he would do to me/my house. I'm sure I can't be the only person to worry about this.

Essentially I contacted the Citizens Advice Bureau for advice regarding the legalities of the situation because I didn't want to end up in a situation where I was forced to take him back or ended up with something else held against me. They told me I had to give him reasonable notice and they considered 48 hours sufficient but that I could be liable if I chucked his things out of the house or changed the locks and didn't allow him access to his belongings. As I hadn't been able to talk to him I left him a voice message and sent a text telling him that it was over and he needed to move out within 48 hours. I packed up all his stuff and put it in the spare room. He messaged me telling me we would 'talk about it later' and that he would be back after work. He turned up off his face at 12.30am with the police dropping him home. He wouldn't tell me what had happened and I was really worried and he kept saying that he 'had every right to be at the house' and that I 'couldn't make him leave'. The police came to the door and said he'd called them from a local town saying he'd been assaulted, they couldn't see any harm but he wasn't making any sense. I explained the situation and that I didn't want him there, they said that because my house is his registered address (where he gets his post) then that is where they had put him and their inspector wanted them to make sure he got into the house. I've never had to deal with this situation before so have/had no idea of the law. Ex was being argumentative so I called a friend who checked in with me throughout the night, he passed out on the sofa. First thing in the morning my friend came round and we called 101 for support due to the concerns about his erratic behaviour, that he wasn't accepting he had to leave etc.

When the police came they told me that my options were for them to remove him, or that he could stay and we'd have to sort out him moving out. I told them to remove him. At this point they seemed supportive of this decision and had made comments about it being his own fault he had no money or car to sort somewhere to go. 10 minutes later they came back out without him and said that he was right, I couldn't legally kick him out because he's paid me rent so I'm his landlady and he has a verbal periodic tenancy meaning he was allowed to stay until a month after his last rent payment. I raised that he was a month behind and they said it didn't matter because he'd paid me rent at the end of August. I also raised that the CAB had given me advice and I thought he was only entitled to 'reasonable notice' and tried to show them the relevant information. They wouldn't have it and said he would have to stay until the 26th. I told them that I was meant to be going away and I didn't want to leave him in my house on his own and he kept saying I was being irrational and that it would all be fine. He also kept saying he would move out on the 26th because he gets paid on the 25th, I pointed out that it would be unlikely that he could find a place that didn't require a deposit in advance and he has no money. Regardless, the police just said that we would sign to agree that he would move out on the 26th and if he didn't then I could have him removed then. Otherwise they'd leave and we'd have to come up with our own resolution. I still feel that this can't be right but I was given no other choice, and I was (am) so angry that I was led into a position where I was told I could kick him out immediately and tried and failed and now have to have him living in my house for another 2 weeks with that having happened. 

I am completely confused by what the law actually is on this type of situation since the CAB and the police have taken multiple different views on it and the police didn't know what the law was. I still think the police are wrong because I am a live-in landlord and he is my 'lodger'' if we're looking at it that way and as there is no written agreement only 'reasonable' notice is required. I am not sure what would have happened if I'd changed the locks and the police had brought him back, I imagine they would have made me take him anyway since their justification was my house being his registered address. If he'd come back on his own then I imagine he would have called the police on me anyway even if he was sober and the outcome may have been the same. I suspect that my ex has been in this situation before given he seemingly knew a lot on the subject. I know I'll probably get roasted for this update, I'm unhappy about the way things went, but I wanted to update because other people in this situation might just think that the police will solve all their problems but they definitely didn't solve mine. 

The police have badly advised you and you should put a complaint in about the officers you were dealing with. He doesn’t have any kind of tenancy because he isn’t a tenant. CAB were spot on that you just had to give reasonable notice and out he goes. 

If you are concerned about acts of vengeance then perhaps consider applying for a non-molestation order. 

AskAsk

the police don't want to be kicking people out of their homes and making them homeless.  their job is to keep the peace, not sort out landlord issues.  they deal with criminal law and tenancy/lodger issues are not criminal law but civil law, so if he doesn't want to go willingly, you may have to speak to a solicitor on how to get rid of him.

if he is violent towards you, then the police will remove him from the property, but if he is not aggressive then they won't get involved, especially as you were a couple so now we got domestic eviction.

here is a link on evicting a lodger

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/eviction/eviction_of_lodgers_and_other_excluded_occupiers

ArsEl

Daffodilly_2 said:

Ok thank you for all your responses and the comments about how I probably haven't done anything, have low self esteem, only go for bad boys etc. I feel at this point that whatever I say in my update will be criticised and so I haven't wanted to respond. I can confirm that I may be a mug but I do get to a point where enough is enough and I wasn't hoping for a 'kiss and make up'. I work in a career focused on helping people to get back on their feet so kicking someone out of the house is completely not in my nature. My sector has links with the compensation industry and so I am very aware of what can happen if I don't cover myself and this makes me very cautious, probably to my detriment. This is why I was so reluctant to just throw his stuff out or change the locks, combined with the fact that I have recently come to learn that he can be very vengeful and so I was worried about what he would do to me/my house. I'm sure I can't be the only person to worry about this.

Essentially I contacted the Citizens Advice Bureau for advice regarding the legalities of the situation because I didn't want to end up in a situation where I was forced to take him back or ended up with something else held against me. They told me I had to give him reasonable notice and they considered 48 hours sufficient but that I could be liable if I chucked his things out of the house or changed the locks and didn't allow him access to his belongings. As I hadn't been able to talk to him I left him a voice message and sent a text telling him that it was over and he needed to move out within 48 hours. I packed up all his stuff and put it in the spare room. He messaged me telling me we would 'talk about it later' and that he would be back after work. He turned up off his face at 12.30am with the police dropping him home. He wouldn't tell me what had happened and I was really worried and he kept saying that he 'had every right to be at the house' and that I 'couldn't make him leave'. The police came to the door and said he'd called them from a local town saying he'd been assaulted, they couldn't see any harm but he wasn't making any sense. I explained the situation and that I didn't want him there, they said that because my house is his registered address (where he gets his post) then that is where they had put him and their inspector wanted them to make sure he got into the house. I've never had to deal with this situation before so have/had no idea of the law. Ex was being argumentative so I called a friend who checked in with me throughout the night, he passed out on the sofa. First thing in the morning my friend came round and we called 101 for support due to the concerns about his erratic behaviour, that he wasn't accepting he had to leave etc.

When the police came they told me that my options were for them to remove him, or that he could stay and we'd have to sort out him moving out. I told them to remove him. At this point they seemed supportive of this decision and had made comments about it being his own fault he had no money or car to sort somewhere to go. 10 minutes later they came back out without him and said that he was right, I couldn't legally kick him out because he's paid me rent so I'm his landlady and he has a verbal periodic tenancy meaning he was allowed to stay until a month after his last rent payment. I raised that he was a month behind and they said it didn't matter because he'd paid me rent at the end of August. I also raised that the CAB had given me advice and I thought he was only entitled to 'reasonable notice' and tried to show them the relevant information. They wouldn't have it and said he would have to stay until the 26th. I told them that I was meant to be going away and I didn't want to leave him in my house on his own and he kept saying I was being irrational and that it would all be fine. He also kept saying he would move out on the 26th because he gets paid on the 25th, I pointed out that it would be unlikely that he could find a place that didn't require a deposit in advance and he has no money. Regardless, the police just said that we would sign to agree that he would move out on the 26th and if he didn't then I could have him removed then. Otherwise they'd leave and we'd have to come up with our own resolution. I still feel that this can't be right but I was given no other choice, and I was (am) so angry that I was led into a position where I was told I could kick him out immediately and tried and failed and now have to have him living in my house for another 2 weeks with that having happened. 

I am completely confused by what the law actually is on this type of situation since the CAB and the police have taken multiple different views on it and the police didn't know what the law was. I still think the police are wrong because I am a live-in landlord and he is my 'lodger'' if we're looking at it that way and as there is no written agreement only 'reasonable' notice is required. I am not sure what would have happened if I'd changed the locks and the police had brought him back, I imagine they would have made me take him anyway since their justification was my house being his registered address. If he'd come back on his own then I imagine he would have called the police on me anyway even if he was sober and the outcome may have been the same. I suspect that my ex has been in this situation before given he seemingly knew a lot on the subject. I know I'll probably get roasted for this update, I'm unhappy about the way things went, but I wanted to update because other people in this situation might just think that the police will solve all their problems but they definitely didn't solve mine. 

What a mess. The police are wrong. He does not have a tenancy. On a more worrying note I'd look back at the reason you originally gave for moving him in in the first place and see if you may need to work on anything on a personal level. However you present it to yourself, trying to rescue people like this out of pity usually stems from self esteem issues and poor decision making & most people would have learned this lesson a very long time ago. Getting in relationships with people because you felt sorry for them is never a good basis for getting as involved as you have and you seem to have invited this situation into your life. You also seem to have taken comments about self esteem very personally, in my opinion that's exactly where you need to be looking a little deeper and asking yourself how someone so independent and care free ever found themselves in such a predicament, rather than being so defensive at the suggestion.  I have a feeling nobody on this thread would have moved someone in with them on the same loose grounds thinking it would be a good idea. You seem to have brought this on yourself sadly and been a little naive. Work on yourself so you don't get in these situations again.  I was probably a teenager the last time took someone in because they had nowhere to go and i felt sorry for them. The lesson i learned? It was never my problem to resolve in the first place.

Grumpysally

I hope you get some good advice and get rid of him soon. Stay strong and keep yourself safe. You sound a caring person and this man has taken advantage of it. He's pushed you to this point and probably thinks he can wear you down.. 

Pollycat

OP

Thank you for the update.

What an awful position you have found yourself in, I hope you manage to find a way forward.

I'm glad that your update has proved at least 2 people wrong.

jbainbridge

The police are wrong. At best he is a lodger .. so ‘reasonable’ notice, then boot him out.

JReacher1

Personally i don’t think the 26th is that bad. It’s only two weeks and he’s been living in the house for several months. Although he’s taking the mickey I don’t see from his behaviour that he’s a personal threat to either you or your property (it doesn’t seem like he’s in the house much). 

If you’ve got nowhere to go then I’m not sure 48 hours is reasonable notice to find somewhere. 

I would go away for a week and when you get back he’s only around for a few more days. 

ArsEl

JReacher1 said:

Personally i don’t think the 26th is that bad. It’s only two weeks and he’s been living in the house for several months. Although he’s taking the mickey I don’t see from his behaviour that he’s a personal threat to either you or your property (it doesn’t seem like he’s in the house much). 

If you’ve got nowhere to go then I’m not sure 48 hours is reasonable notice to find somewhere. 

I would go away for a week and when you get back he’s only around for a few more days. 

I wouldn't feel comfortable with him in the house while i was away but then i do feel OP needs to take some ownership of this whole situation and ask herself some rather uncomfortable truths. As a single female living alone she has put herself in a ridiculously vulnerable situation based on nothing more than feeling sorry for someone she knew very little about other than they shared a mutual hobby. It's absolute madness inviting people to move into your home like this on such spurious grounds. At least get to know people properly before you go moving them into your house.

burlingtonfl6

ArsEl said:

JReacher1 said:

Personally i don’t think the 26th is that bad. It’s only two weeks and he’s been living in the house for several months. Although he’s taking the mickey I don’t see from his behaviour that he’s a personal threat to either you or your property (it doesn’t seem like he’s in the house much). 

If you’ve got nowhere to go then I’m not sure 48 hours is reasonable notice to find somewhere. 

I would go away for a week and when you get back he’s only around for a few more days. 

I wouldn't feel comfortable with him in the house while i was away but then i do feel OP needs to take some ownership of this whole situation and ask herself some rather uncomfortable truths. As a single female living alone she has put herself in a ridiculously vulnerable situation based on nothing more than feeling sorry for someone she knew very little about other than they shared a mutual hobby. It's absolute madness inviting people to move into your home like this on such spurious grounds. At least get to know people properly before you go moving them into your house.

And bed!