Asking boyfriend to leave at short notice

burlingtonfl6

OP, do you have any male family members who might be able to help out?
Not in a violent way but if say, a brother, needed somewhere to stay for a few days you could offer to help out.
You ex might not like the fact he can't take advantage of you in a 1 on 1 situation.

ArsEl

burlingtonfl6 said:

ArsEl said:

JReacher1 said:

Personally i don’t think the 26th is that bad. It’s only two weeks and he’s been living in the house for several months. Although he’s taking the mickey I don’t see from his behaviour that he’s a personal threat to either you or your property (it doesn’t seem like he’s in the house much). 

If you’ve got nowhere to go then I’m not sure 48 hours is reasonable notice to find somewhere. 

I would go away for a week and when you get back he’s only around for a few more days. 

I wouldn't feel comfortable with him in the house while i was away but then i do feel OP needs to take some ownership of this whole situation and ask herself some rather uncomfortable truths. As a single female living alone she has put herself in a ridiculously vulnerable situation based on nothing more than feeling sorry for someone she knew very little about other than they shared a mutual hobby. It's absolute madness inviting people to move into your home like this on such spurious grounds. At least get to know people properly before you go moving them into your house.

And bed!

Well i wasn't going to say that, but let's not shy away from the fact some of the most awful and tragic horror stories in the news start out just like this. 

TBagpuss

OP, the police were wrong, the CAB were right. The police are not, in general, very knowledgeable about civil legal matters.
It would not be unreasonable for you to contact the police and ask to speak to a more senior officer, explain that you're concerned that the officers who brought him back gave you information which you have learned was legally entirely wrong, and that as a result the situation has been made worse, as they effectively forced you to have him in your home after you had made clear that you were not comfortable with that, and caused him to believe that he is entitled to be there when he is not (I am assuming that you didn't have a formal written agreement that he would get a months notice)  It is up to you whether you want to make it a formal complaint or not - if not, say you don't want to make a formal complaint but you do want those officers to be spoken to to make sure that they are not giving other people similar wrong information, as it could put vulnerable individuals at risk especially in cases where these is domestic abuse. 
In terms of the CAB advice - you would be in trouble if you binned his property or refused to hand it over but provided you give him reasonable time and opportunity to collect it it should not be a problem. 
Tell him you have taken further advice and he does have to leave in accordance with the 48 hours notice you gave him previously. 

Barny1979

TBagpuss said:

OP, the police were wrong, the CAB were right. The police are not, in general, very knowledgeable about civil legal matters.

This, in my experience, the quality of knowledge of what powers the police do and do not have is poor from PC up to Inspector.

sweetsand

Dear OP
Everyone can get it wrong and I feel the officers were wrong this time.
Good luck with everything.
Take care.
x

MoneySeeker1

TBagpuss said:

OP, the police were wrong, the CAB were right. The police are not, in general, very knowledgeable about civil legal matters.
It would not be unreasonable for you to contact the police and ask to speak to a more senior officer, explain that you're concerned that the officers who brought him back gave you information which you have learned was legally entirely wrong, and that as a result the situation has been made worse, as they effectively forced you to have him in your home after you had made clear that you were not comfortable with that, and caused him to believe that he is entitled to be there when he is not (I am assuming that you didn't have a formal written agreement that he would get a months notice)  It is up to you whether you want to make it a formal complaint or not - if not, say you don't want to make a formal complaint but you do want those officers to be spoken to to make sure that they are not giving other people similar wrong information, as it could put vulnerable individuals at risk especially in cases where these is domestic abuse. 
In terms of the CAB advice - you would be in trouble if you binned his property or refused to hand it over but provided you give him reasonable time and opportunity to collect it it should not be a problem. 
Tell him you have taken further advice and he does have to leave in accordance with the 48 hours notice you gave him previously. 

This sounds to me about the best approach to take currently.

I also agree that the police officers concerned don't seem to know their !!!!!! from their elbow. Or, on the other hand, they do know they were wrong in what they were saying - but they said it anyway, as the quickest/easiest get-out clause for them personally and they don't give a monkeys re you and your circumstances. After all, right now, as we know, all these police dealing with Lockdown must be coming from somewhere or other - ie, in many cases, because they aren't spending the time on dealing with the matters the police are actually really there for iyswim.

The brother or suitable male friend idea is also a good one. It's astonishing just how many people still "try it on" to override a lone female on her own. Anyone would think the calendar they are looking at said "1920" and not "2019 (make that 2020)".

Aranyani

TBagpuss said:

OP, the police were wrong, the CAB were right. The police are not, in general, very knowledgeable about civil legal matters.
It would not be unreasonable for you to contact the police and ask to speak to a more senior officer, explain that you're concerned that the officers who brought him back gave you information which you have learned was legally entirely wrong, and that as a result the situation has been made worse, as they effectively forced you to have him in your home after you had made clear that you were not comfortable with that, and caused him to believe that he is entitled to be there when he is not (I am assuming that you didn't have a formal written agreement that he would get a months notice)  It is up to you whether you want to make it a formal complaint or not - if not, say you don't want to make a formal complaint but you do want those officers to be spoken to to make sure that they are not giving other people similar wrong information, as it could put vulnerable individuals at risk especially in cases where these is domestic abuse. 
In terms of the CAB advice - you would be in trouble if you binned his property or refused to hand it over but provided you give him reasonable time and opportunity to collect it it should not be a problem. 
Tell him you have taken further advice and he does have to leave in accordance with the 48 hours notice you gave him previously. 

I would make it a formal complaint.  Those officers have told a woman she HAS to allow a man she wants nothing to do with to live in her home.  There are many many ways that could have terrible consequences. 

TBagpuss

Aranyani said:

I would make it a formal complaint.  Those officers have told a woman she HAS to allow a man she wants nothing to do with to live in her home.  There are many many ways that could have terrible consequences. 

Oh, so would I.
But if OP doesn't want to do that, for any reason, she can still flag it up so that they are aware that their officers gave that incorrect information.

ian1246

I m a PC myself & am baffled by the advice given. If i had someone telling me they absolutely do not want their ex-partner staying at a property then no way in hell would i be prepared to leave them there - any act of Domestic Violence (by either party), would be on you, since how have you safeguarded or mitigated the risk in such circumstances, given what you have just been told? Answer - you havent.

Its a reasonable expectation an argument would occur in such circumstances.... and with it the potential for DV Violence.

Op - did the officers do a Domestic Abuse Stalking & Harassment assessment with you - a series of 27 questions you ask individuals which allow a basic risk assessment to be done for the relationship? Disclosures of any argument/incident between family, partners or ex-partners require recording by Police (even if not a criminal offence i.e. an emotional domestic being recorded) & a DASH assessment is *mandatory*. Referrals then get made to relevant agencies.

Worst case scenario - had he refused to leave the PC's would have powers of arrest to prevent a breach of the peace - since its a reasonable expectation, if leaving a drunk/high male at his ex-partners address against her will that an argument (breach of the peace) would occur.

Terrible advice & Policing. If ever there has been any violence or threat of violence, ring 101 & explain the circumstances & current living arrangement. Then follow the advice given by CAB & if/when he returns & kicks off, phone 999 & Police should attend. If he then refuses to move on/continues to kick off... he would potentially be committing a breach of peace.

If he then returns a 2nd time, having been told he is not welcome... you have a "course of conduct" of harassment/stalking... which is absolutely a criminal offence and very much something Police should be getting a grip off.

If there have been incidents of DV violence, or future incidents of violence, consider a non molestation order. DV Assist are a charity which specialises in helping DV victims get non-mols...

dekaspace1

Whilst I can't give advice, 12 years ago a landlord attempted to illegally evict me, almost broke the lock forcing their way in, trashed my possessions and packed valuables in bin bags and chucked them down the communal staircase (into a basement that had no steps) even telling me if I didn't leave in 15 minutes he would get his sons to remove me by force.  I phoned Police who did turn up but told it its a civil matter but to be nice they would tell landlord to give me 24 hours notice, he "agreed" so they left but landlord didn't stop so I phoned higher up and got rudely snapped at and even hinted if i pushed it I would be the one in trouble, I stated the actual law, it was CRIMINAL, not civil and got huffed and puffed at.

To be fair though 10 minutes later they rang back and admitted I was right and sent the same officers back who told LL to leave or he would be arrested, he almost did as he was shouting abuse at them saying he was LL, tenants have no rights.

Luckily I was about to hand in notice anyway as was about to start University 6 weeks later, my flatmate however had no money and about 10 days later he came home to find the locks changed, phoned LL who not only told him "tough" but said he would bill friend for the "junk/rubbish" in the property as there was nothing of value there and take me and my friend to court.

The issue was, friend had lost job and was waiting for benefits to come through so our rent (I paid my side) was only half paid that month.