Mother-in-law and money

Primrose

I think additional jobs are going to be virtually impossible to find at the moment with the economy collapsing, even if the OP was willing to take one on.  Seems to me thwt the wife needs to reassess where her loyalties lie and start giving her husband more support.  He,s already had a difficult time with his job situation And carrying two passengers now doesn,t help.   Maybe he should change his bank account into a single name, only pay a percentage of the bills from thst and tell his wife and m-i-l that from now On they are responsible for the balance.  How they do it is up to them.  Sounds harsh but perhaps the only way to bring the reality of the new situation home to them.

Gloria_Steeth

@chubster
Rent out MIL's room with its private bath to a lodger as you 'need the extra income'. MIL and your wife can share a room if necessary while you have the spare room and leave them to stew... 

barbiedoll

chubster said:

barbiedoll said:

MIL is a wily old bat if you ask me. Even allowing for her 20k contribution to your house purchase, she’s still had it good for the last 10 years, averaging around £60 a week for bed, board, chef and waitress service AND free taxi rides everywhere. You and your wife have been taken for a right pair of mugs. The promise of £80k when she dies is all very well, but she could outlive the pair of you at this rate. 

I can’t understand why posters on here are saying that she won’t be costing you anything extra. You live in a larger house than you need where you no doubt have the heating on all day for her in the winter. If you’re on a water meter, she will be using it whenever she likes. TV on all day? I bet it is. Not to mention the food she’s eating. I can’t believe that your wife would let you get a second job, just to support her tightwad mother. Personally, I’d be pulling her up on it now, if you have to tighten your belt, then so will she. Turn the heating down, start using the cut-price own brands, cancel the telly channels, and show her that the good times are over, unless she starts to cough up. And if she needs a lift anywhere, tell her there’s no petrol in the tank, and she’ll have to get a cab. She’s had a good run at your expense, but we all have to pay our way, it’s about time that she started doing so! 

I LOL when I read your post, yes the TV is on ALL day and she insists on running a deep bath every day as she doesn't like showers. She also doesn't like cheap teabags, being cold and a whole host of other things! The car went for service and MOT the other day and I made sure that I went through the bill with my wife in front of MIL, she didn't bat an eyelid.

You should definitely look into applying for AA, and also, maybe the Motability scheme, where you’d be able to get a lease car for free (or a small amount)? 

The real issue though, is your wife and MIL having no real understanding of the problems you’re ALL going to face when trying to pay for the upkeep of a large house, on a much reduced wage. When my husband suddenly lost his job, we had credit cards, loans and overdrafts that we couldn’t pay. I know your situation is slightly different, but the problem is the same....less money coming in, but more going out. With the help of this forum, I brought my husband into the MSE way of thinking, and by drastically cutting our outgoings, and by using debt management help, we’re here to tell the tale. But it meant serious changes to our lifestyle. No more Saturday shopping sprees, no more impulse buys. £20 limit on Christmas and birthday gifts (we didn’t buy each other gifts for a few years), no more takeaways. No new clothes, no new make-up. No holidays, no expensive days out. Heating off during the day, no Sky tv channels. No daily newspaper, no new books, no CD’s, no movie nights at the cinema. (In reality, we did manage to do some of these things, with theme park vouchers, 2 for 1 cinema tickets, etc, etc). But is this penny-pinching lifestyle what your wife envisaged when she retired? Does she want to sit at home, keeping her mother company all day, because she can’t afford to go out for lunch at the local tearoom? You need to make it clear that it WILL be like this, the bills still have to be paid, and what’s left (i.e. very little) will have to suffice for everything else. 

You should all sit down for a serious talk...you, armed with an accurate and up-to-date SOA. Remember to include everything, including those expensive teabags, the latest water bill, the energy costs, and the food bill (get your wife to keep the receipts so that you can show how expensive MIL’s individual items are) Highlight any waste, e.g. food not being eaten, long, hot baths every day (how dirty does she get by sitting around indoors? Why can’t she just have a wash at her sink every other day, for instance?) Also, things like bedding, towels, kitchen utensils: who pays for these when you need replacements? (I bet I can guess!!)

You need to make them both see that this isn’t going to go away, and that while the economy is in freefall, a second job for you is not a realistic prospect. You’re all going to have to make changes, so it looks like it’s your job to break the bad news to them. Good luck! 

Mojisola

barbiedoll said:

You should definitely look into applying for AA, and also, maybe the Motability scheme, where you’d be able to get a lease car for free (or a small amount)?

MIL is too old to claim help with mobility problems.

Emmia

Mojisola said:

barbiedoll said:

You should definitely look into applying for AA, and also, maybe the Motability scheme, where you’d be able to get a lease car for free (or a small amount)?

MIL is too old to claim help with mobility problems.

I'm not sure that's true - Blue Badges have no upper age limit, and are for those with mobility problems. 

Does the MiL have the bus pass to which she is entitled - she could use that to go out and about if there is a suitable bus route

Mojisola

Emmia said:

I'm not sure that's true - Blue Badges have no upper age limit, and are for those with mobility problems.

A BB isn't a financial benefit.  

The Motability Scheme is only open to people claiming mobility benefits.

Emmia

Mojisola said:

Emmia said:

I'm not sure that's true - Blue Badges have no upper age limit, and are for those with mobility problems.

A BB isn't a financial benefit.  

The Motability Scheme is only open to people claiming mobility benefits.

A blue badge is a financial benefit in so far as it offers holders the ability to park for free on street (whether they are the driver or a passenger) as well as some other concessions like exemptions from things like congestion charging where the authorities choose to offer this. It wasn't and isn't the primary purpose of the scheme but none the less, there can be a financial benefit to having one.

Blue Badges and Motability are different schemes, qualifying for a blue badge does not necessarily mean the person will qualify for Motability.

GaleSF63

Emmia said:

Mojisola said:

barbiedoll said:

You should definitely look into applying for AA, and also, maybe the Motability scheme, where you’d be able to get a lease car for free (or a small amount)?

MIL is too old to claim help with mobility problems.

I'm not sure that's true - Blue Badges have no upper age limit, and are for those with mobility problems. 

Does the MiL have the bus pass to which she is entitled - she could use that to go out and about if there is a suitable bus route

The money would go to MIL - do you think she would hand it over?

Blue badges don't help financially - or very very little.

And a bus pass - I'm sure she will be eligible but she wouldn't use it  - she's got a taxi, her daughter. 

Emmia

GaleSF63 said:

Emmia said:

Mojisola said:

barbiedoll said:

You should definitely look into applying for AA, and also, maybe the Motability scheme, where you’d be able to get a lease car for free (or a small amount)?

MIL is too old to claim help with mobility problems.

I'm not sure that's true - Blue Badges have no upper age limit, and are for those with mobility problems. 

Does the MiL have the bus pass to which she is entitled - she could use that to go out and about if there is a suitable bus route

The money would go to MIL - do you think she would hand it over?

Blue badges don't help financially - or very very little.

And a bus pass - I'm sure she will be eligible but she wouldn't use it  - she's got a taxi, her daughter. 

The daughter pays for parking when driving her mother? The badge would at least offer free on street parking in that situation. 

In central london they also exempt holders from the congestion charge - so the bang for buck there, given a badge is £10 for 3 years (in England) can be significant.

The daughter could also refuse to transport her, pointing her to the (free) bus instead.

Neither of these will save lots of money but every little helps.

maman

It occurred to me that maybe they're trying to run two cars🤔. That's a potential area for saving. When we retired we went down to 1 car. We have excellent bus routes locally so never take the car (in 'normal' times) when the bus is sufficient. It saves massively on fuel but also on parking charges.