Mother-in-law and money

helensbiggestfan

Yes CA is dependent on income, so Mr Op will not qualify.  However, Mrs Op may well be eligible if her only income Is a small works pension.  It depends on the Ops definition of small. I'm not familiar with current rates.  It's been a while since I went through the process.  

At any rate, it does no harm to put in a claim. 

 When I was advised by mums GP to make a claim I was quite astonished but he was adamant I should do it, his advice being she is entitled to it by law and it would make her life (And mine) so much easier.  At that point mum could still attend to her personal care needs, could still use the bathroom unattended, so I just assumed she wasn't eligible but apparently I was wrong and she was awarded it and therefore dad was awarded CA.  

If a claimant is in receipt of AA, the right to nominate someone to receive CA is automatic, although there is no compulsion to claim CA if it messes up your finances. I am not sure if this is still  the case but it used to be that if you didnt claim CA There was something called a "carers premium". I didn't really look into that properly because dad did claim CA so it wasn't necessary for me to delve any further. 

 I did fill out the forms on their behalf, I found them pretty straight forward,  but their GP did say we could request help if necessary.  The extra money meant mum could have her hair done every week by a mobile hairdresser, something she did struggle with although she could manage after a fashion, she could pay for regular chiropodist home visits which of course helped her mobility and she could be warm and toasty in winter without worrying about the heating bills.  

The Ops MIL is 80 after all so she probably isn't as completely independent as she likes to think she is. She sounds as if she does rely on Mr & Mrs Op quite a lot as it is and I'm sure she needs to be kept warm if nothing else.  

Mr Op do give it a go, the worst they can say is no. The system is labyrinthine but don't be put off, there is help available,  

warby68

Qualifying for AA is one thing, persuading MIL to hand some of it over will probably be just as tricky !

Mojisola

helensbiggestfan said:

The Ops MIL is 80 after all so she probably isn't as completely independent as she likes to think she is. She sounds as if she does rely on Mr & Mrs Op quite a lot as it is and I'm sure she needs to be kept warm if nothing else. 

Mr Op do give it a go, the worst they can say is no. The system is labyrinthine but don't be put off, there is help available,  

The 'supervision' element may be the most helpful part - if MIL would have problems living on her own, she may well be entitled to AA.

helensbiggestfan

warby68 said:

Qualifying for AA is one thing, persuading MIL to hand some of it over will probably be just as tricky !

True....but after what's happened  I'm sure Mr &  Mrs Op would have the foresight to get a watertight agreement in place before they bothered to claim.  I should think they have learned their lesson.  

helensbiggestfan

Mojisola said:

helensbiggestfan said:

The Ops MIL is 80 after all so she probably isn't as completely independent as she likes to think she is. She sounds as if she does rely on Mr & Mrs Op quite a lot as it is and I'm sure she needs to be kept warm if nothing else. 

Mr Op do give it a go, the worst they can say is no. The system is labyrinthine but don't be put off, there is help available,  

The 'supervision' element may be the most helpful part - if MIL would have problems living on her own, she may well be entitled to AA.

I think You're right and I think that Mr & Mrs Op have a pretty strong case here. The following points would be the thrust of my argument. 

 If MIL genuinely thinks that £1000 pa is enough to keep her then she clearly Has no understanding of the value of money so it could be argued that she does not have sufficient mental capability to run her own household, even if she is physically well enough to maintain her own personal care, do her cooking, shopping, and get herself to appointments under her own steam.  

However, According to Mr Op, whilst MIL can still enjoy a daily bath, presumably without aid or supervision, and can enjoy watching TV, that's about it. She doesn't cook, shop, drive, get on a bus or use a taxi, she relies heavily on Mr &Mrs Op.  Mr Op doesn't say Whether or not MIL is physically capable of performing these daily tasks. Perhaps she can, but Perhaps she would need reminders or supervision to ensure her safety. 

Usually when someone abdicates all responsibility like this it tends to signify that they lack the mental capability.  

Not always of course, it could be sheer laziness. 😂. 

OP. Have you considered your MILs mental capacity. She has lived with you for 10 years and you see her every day so you may not be aware of any changes.  

When my father lived in the family home he was able to hide the worst ravages of his dementia.  It's only when he moved into a new property that the awful truth became apparent.  When he was In familiar surroundings going about his normal daily routines he managed well enough but once he was removed from the familiar we were shocked at just how bad things had become.  

chubster

helensbiggestfan said:

I think You're right and I think that Mr & Mrs Op have a pretty strong case here. The following points would be the thrust of my argument. 

 If MIL genuinely thinks that £1000 pa is enough to keep her then she clearly Has no understanding of the value of money so it could be argued that she does not have sufficient mental capability to run her own household, even if she is physically well enough to maintain her own personal care, do her cooking, shopping, and get herself to appointments under her own steam.  

However, According to Mr Op, whilst MIL can still enjoy a daily bath, presumably without aid or supervision, and can enjoy watching TV, that's about it. She doesn't cook, shop, drive, get on a bus or use a taxi, she relies heavily on Mr &Mrs Op.  Mr Op doesn't say Whether or not MIL is physically capable of performing these daily tasks. Perhaps she can, but Perhaps she would need reminders or supervision to ensure her safety. 

Usually when someone abdicates all responsibility like this it tends to signify that they lack the mental capability.  

Not always of course, it could be sheer laziness. 😂. 

OP. Have you considered your MILs mental capacity. She has lived with you for 10 years and you see her every day so you may not be aware of any changes.  

When my father lived in the family home he was able to hide the worst ravages of his dementia.  It's only when he moved into a new property that the awful truth became apparent.  When he was In familiar surroundings going about his normal daily routines he managed well enough but once he was removed from the familiar we were shocked at just how bad things had become.  

I am pretty sure that MIL does not have dementia, I have had experience of dealing with family members who have suffered from this terrible illness and she definitely does not have any issues with her mental capacity. To be honest, the more I think about it the more I think that MIL feels that she 'deserves' to be looked after. MIL has a very negative view of the world and in many areas has unrealistic expectations. I think my wife and I have made things worse by indulging her over the years and my wife waits on her hand and foot. 

helensbiggestfan

Fair enough.....

good luck anyway.  

missile

I would show her the door

chubster

missile said:

I would show her the door

Not an option, my wife would choose MIL over me I think if I gave that ultimatum.

maman

I understand why you'd find it easier to discuss with 'strangers' than your family OP. We don't have a vested interest or emotional involvement. I think you're on the right lines to present a SoA your wife (and MIL?) with the reality of your changed finances and also utilise the 'threat' of wife having to get another job or downsize your home which neither of them would want. Personally I'd work with your wife first and hope that she realises that something has to give and her mother has to be the one to do this (literally) otherwise everyone's quality of life will suffer unduly. ☹️