Mother-in-law and money

chubster

Just wanting to get some opinions on my situation. My mother-in-law (MIL) has lived with us for some years now, wife and I have been in reasonably well paid jobs but my wife has now retired. I have just found out that my hours at work are being reduced so my pay will be less than half what it has been. MIL gives use £1,000 a year as her 'board and lodgings', this was fine when my wife and I were both working but with our reduced income I have asked MIL to contribute more. MIL refuses to contribute more than £1,000 a year as she feels we should be able to manage to pay bills etc. For context MIL has state pension, a small work pension and around £80k of savings. My wife says we shouldn't be insisting MIL contributes more as she will inherit MIL's money but that doesn't help in the short term. I honestly think it isn't unreasonable to ask MIL to contribute £400 a money but my wife doesn't agree. Anyone else had experience of this situation or have any advice to offer?

theoretica

What would you do financially if MIL moved out? 

belfastgirl23

Going from £1k a year to nearly £5k a year is a very big jump and sounds quite high-handed even if it is justified. How did you come to that sum? What is your relationship like generally with your mother in law? Is the situation that you can no longer meet your outgoings or that you are trying to put right something that you’ve always felt wasn’t quite right?  If you can no longer meet your outgoings then perhaps you could sit down with MIL and work through the costs with her and see what you might come up with that’s a fair solution for all of you?

chubster

theoretica said:

What would you do financially if MIL moved out? 

Move to a much smaller house to reduce our outgoings which would also give us a chunk of cash to play with.

chubster

belfastgirl23 said:

Going from £1k a year to nearly £5k a year is a very big jump and sounds quite high-handed even if it is justified. How did you come to that sum? What is your relationship like generally with your mother in law? Is the situation that you can no longer meet your outgoings or that you are trying to put right something that you’ve always felt wasn’t quite right?  If you can no longer meet your outgoings then perhaps you could sit down with MIL and work through the costs with her and see what you might come up with that’s a fair solution for all of you?

Yes you are right it is a big jump which may be part of the problem, the subject of money has always been a thorny issue and MIL gets very defensive when it is brought up hence my wife's reluctance to discuss it. I have always felt that MIL could and should contribute more but as we were OK financially my wife didn't want to push the issue. I am very organised with bills etc but MIL refuses to look at the information her response being that her £1,000 a year 'pays her way'.

noitsnotme

I’d want the £80k for compensation for having to live with my mother in law 🤣

JGB1955

'£1,000 pa pays her way'? I don't know which cloud cuckoo land she thinks she's living in, but she's taking the p**s.  She wouldn't get a bed in an 8 bed Youth Hostel room for that.  She has well over £8,000 a year income if she gets full state pension.  I am speechless....

SadieO

chubster said:
Move to a much smaller house to reduce our outgoings which would also give us a chunk of cash to play with.

I'd be sorely tempted to start musing (aloud, in MiL's earshot) about how you really don't think you can afford the house much longer, given your  drop in income, and it's going to have to be time to consider moving to somewhere smaller/cheaper... 

kazwookie

That is approx £19per week   MIL is paying, what does her money cover, food / washing/ gas / electric / water etc

I also think she is taking the p$$s.

£100 per week seems reasonable imo

Grumpy_chap

chubster said:

MIL gives use £1,000 a year as her 'board and lodgings'

Exactly what does this cover / include?  When was the £1k / year set?

Robisere

kazwookie said:

That is approx £19per week   MIL is paying, what does her money cover, food / washing/ gas / electric / water etc

I also think she is taking the p$$s.

£100 per week seems reasonable imo

Work out what her living in your home costs you: include food, her part of utility services, any care and any rent she might be expected to pay elsewhere. Present MIL with that, make her listen and also include the monthly costs you ALL have. Then ask her to explain how £19 a week can possibly "pay her way", it doesn't. Research local 1- bed flats and tell her how much they cost. Also tell her how far £8,000 might go towards a new home for her in this day and age.

I also think she is taking the p*$$. My MIL passed many years ago and she was a lady, I loved her dearly. I could not imagine her ever acting like that, but if it had happened, she would have listened to reason. I think you are going to have a deep conversation with your wife before any of that though. Good luck!